Can you change a man?
Let's start!
Narrator Carrie is talking about all the beautiful women in New York. They show half a dozen models, walking with vacant expressions, looking tall, glamorous and drop dead gorgeous. Men and their roving eyes need both of them paying attention or else they might get hit by a cab. Or a truck.
Unfortunately for Carrie, Big still sees other women. They are on a walking date and Big can't keep his eyes off of other women. Which is a shame, cause looking at other women is Zac's and my favorite past time. XD
Carrie seems to think that looking at other women is the biggest problem she has with Big. Oh, Carrie. Samantha seems to have the right idea, that if that is the biggest problem she has, then she should count herself lucky.
"Well, if it's that small he should be able to stop!"
"Oh honey you can't change that about a man! It's part of their genetic code: like farting."
heh. classic fart jokes.
Sam suggests that once you start to try to change a man, it's doomed. I'm inclined to agree, if you have such a huge problem with the baser things that your partner is doing, then you probably aren't the best match.
Carrie already likes the one thing you can successfully change about a man: hair and wardrobe. Sam reiterates that she should be happy then.
And a last, good line, from Sam: "Be careful with alterations. You pull the wrong thread, everything falls apart."
-----
At Miranda's house, she's sleeping. Narrator Carrie is talking about all the change that Miranda is going through in life and in order to accommodate her new boyfriend Steve, the bartender. She has to either nap, or stay up REALLY late in order to see him after the bar closes. So, she's fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him to come over.
Steve knocks on the door and Miranda sleep walks over to let him in. She stumbles across the living room with him, stubbing her toe on a chair. He helps her to the couch, rubs her sore toe, and tells her about the people who ordered drinks really late, keeping him at the bar well past closing. She's fallen asleep again. Poor Miranda! Steve looks so cute, admiring Miranda sleeping. d'aww.
The next morning, Miranda's alarm goes off, she shoots up and turns it off. She kisses Steve 'good morning' and starts to leave the bed, to get ready for work. He says "not yet" and straddles her a little, kissing her deeply (do these people not have toxic morning breath?). She does a very exaggerated eye roll with her arms and lets him kiss her and hump her.
Narrator Carrie explains her ire: "The only thing Miranda liked inside her in the morning was the cup of take-out coffee she drank on the way to the subway"
The problem is Steve and Miranda have completely opposite schedules. Miranda wants to be accommodating, and Steve.. well, Steve really doesn't. Which is a dick move, honestly.
---
Speaking of dicks:
Charlotte is making out with a restaurant critic on her bed. She's enamored by him, and he cleverly calls her a "five-whisk" woman. (Get it? cause he's a restaurant critic).
"But just when Charlotte was getting comfortable with the penis, she got a very unexpected surprise:"
"Oh! You're... It's..." She stares into his unzipped pants
"...uncircumcised." He finishes for her. "Is that OK?" He asks.
"NO! Sure.. Of course it is!" She saves face. Sort of. lol.
"It was NOT OK. The only uncut thing Charlotte had ever seen was the original Gone with the Wind." Narrator Carrie explains.
---
At the usual foursome Charlotte expresses her distaste for the uncut man:
"There was so much skin, it was like a shar pei!"
I just googled that, to get the spelling right, and I literally LOLed.
Here: LOL with me!
Charlotte's explanation to Carrie for not having seen an uncut penis is that she's from Connecticut.
"Reminder!" Miranda says, "You're dating the guy, not the penis!"
"Aesthetics are important to me."
"It's not what it looks like! It's what they can do with it!" Sam helpfully helps.
"Well I don't need one that can make it's own carrying case!"
**Mild Soapboxing ahead**
This subject is kinda touchy to me. Circumcision has fallen WAY out of favor for a lot of secular families, including mine. I definitely get the humor here, and I have no problems laughing about it, but intrinsically, I am bothered that it is totally normal and socially beneficial to cut a *useful* part of a little boy off for aesthetics and nothing more. I'll kindly get off my soapbox and let the foursome continue their conversation.
***
Ugh, you know, I kind of don't want to. Charlotte is SO FUCKING AWFUL with this. Sometimes I love her and her spoiled naivete. This is definitely not one of those cases. And Miranda jumps on board, saying that she's definitely going to circumcise her future son (I think you can pay people to do that for you) because she doesn't want his future dates to call his son a shar pei. It is LITERALLY none of your goddamn business what your son's future dates say about your son's penis. It is NOT YOUR BODY PART woman.
I guess I was not done soap boxing.
Moving on!
---
Big and Carrie are out at fancee restaurant. He slips in a glance at a hot woman walking by and Carrie is stunned into not finishing her sentence.
Big lights up a cigar, and a waitress comes over to tell him that he can't smoke it in the restaurant. Big is flirtatious and the opposite of coy (one of the near antonyms I found was 'clubbable' which I think is appropriate!) He asks the various ladies around the room whether they're bothered by his cigar "and I'd like to preface this by saying that I'd like to buy everyone a round of drinks!"
Carrie tells him that no one's going to tell him to his face that they hate his cigar. he replies "good." She says he's very... arrogant. And Big smiles and says that he thought that that's what she loved about him.
Carrie surmises that maybe they're at the inevitable part of the relationship where all the little things you thought you loved about a person become huge... liabilities. And just then on the street a huge -liability- walked by in a leather dominatrix style outfit. She grabs his face and shouts "HEY!" "What?" He doesn't notice that he just physically turned his body around to continue checking out that woman. "I... I... hate... that cigar." "And you told me right to my face" He says as he tosses the cigar on the street. (LITTERER!!)
I think they're at the part of their relationship where Carrie sees huge red flags and can't communicate what her problems are and Big is so violently opposed to meeting her needs that he can't tell that he's being a huge.. prick.
---
Writer Carrie is talking about how easily and frequently New Yorkers change, and if it is so easy, why it was so difficult for Big. And she wonders if she should have to change her expectations, or if it is true: Can you change a man?
---
Charlotte's boyfriend is certainly open to change. He's decided to get circumcised. Good for him. This is how it should be. Adult people, fully able to consent, making this decision for themselves. :nods:
--
The next morning, Miranda was getting her usual wake up call. Afterward, Steve wanted to cuddle for awhile before getting on with the day. Miranda asks how long they are going to do this.
"You want a time frame for cuddling"
"It helps if I have an end point in mind, I respond well to limits!"
"That's your problem, you've got too many limits, you've got to let go a little."
Miranda explains that as her only free day, Saturday is busy. She's got spinning, grocery shopping, her nail appointment. She walks away, then comes back and asks if he wants to come with her to get her dry cleaning. He shakes his head. She is shaking her head, balking just a little bit, and finally she compromises and says "an hour and a half tops!"
But he holds her in bed arrest all. day. long.
You know, that whole thing about emotional labor has given this entire episode a new meaning. In the end of the episode, Miranda finally gives in to Steve, and the Narrator Carrie says that once in a blue moon, you can change a woman, but holy shit hasn't she been doing this all along! It is on the woman constantly, through this episode, and in life, to be compromising, to bend to what the man will do because the man will NEVER be accommodating to her. The man will NEVER change. Because the woman allows him to do what he must while we move around him.
FUCK THAT.
"Twelve hours later, Steve went to work" :shaking my head in disbelief: I can't believe I used to like this story line.
---
The foursome are out at a drag queen bingo night at their favorite bar. Miranda is rightfully complaining about how she spent all day in bed with Steve, and also about how they never do it at night like a normal couple.
Charlotte admonishes Miranda, saying that everyone wants a guy who wants to cuddle.
Carrie adds on to the guilt, saying that she wished Big even wanted to spend the night at her place.
Miranda is like, sure, but it's bed arrest. She missed spinning and the rest of the things she had planned.
Miranda continues: "Why do I have to be the one to change my routine!?" Carrie piles on, "Miranda's right. Why is it the woman that always has to change and -never- the guy?!"
Charlotte doesn't help anyone ever at all by explaining "Because We are more adaptable!"
:rolls eyes:
Sam helpfully adds, "I love morning sex!"
Charlotte continues with her stupid face, "I think that if you really believe in the relationship then you should work at it."
Miranda throws the breaking up with the Shar Pei foreskin man in her stupid face, and Charlotte wows everyone by saying that they're still dating and he's getting circumcised.
Samantha has been, meanwhile, actually playing the Bingo game, and stops a drag queen walking by to ask for a new board. The man in drag is actually an old boyfriend of Sam's, and she's completely floored. Not only is he an old boyfriend, but he's dressed JUST like her. He started doing this right after he dated her. Another drag queen calls him 'Samantha' and he explains that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"
So apparently she could change a man.
(not digging the trans-phobic language in this scene either. JEEZ.)
---
Two hours later, Carrie is pacing the lobby of Big's building. She's been waiting half an hour for him to show up. When he does, she is pissed, she's tired of waiting here for him. He hurtfully says that there's a coffee shop around the corner, she could've waited there. What a fucking asshole.
She says that she's gonna go, and he's like "oh! don't be pissed." (like it's her problem)
But she is pissed. She calmly says that if she had a key, she could wait upstairs next time. And he says "a key?" Like that is so foreign a concept. "OR," She playfully suggests, "you could come to my place, it's easy to pick my locks!" Big is oblivious (or he's actively hurtful, I haven't decided) "yeah, but I like my bed."
The elevator doors open, and Big cajoles her into smiling and coming upstairs with him.
Late that night, in Big's bed, Carrie is laying awake wondering if she could be happy if this is all she's going to get from Big. At that moment, he rolls over into Carrie and knocks her out of bed. In a crazy moment of heated passion, Carrie, still on the floor, slaps him right across the face. Immediately she apologizes and tries to explain. He says "don't talk right now, BAD to talk right now" and leaves the room with a blanket to go sleep on the couch.
A few hours later, she's still awake and decides that he can't sleep either. When I first watched this, I thought she meant that she's assuming that he can't sleep and is awake like her. But now, I think I see that she means that he isn't allowed to sleep. They have to talk, now.
She accidentally drips a bit of water on his face, from a toweled pack of ice she's prepared. He's softened up quite a bit, a fondness in his voice rather than ire.
She explains that she's lost a little of her power here-- slapping him in the face and all-- and goes on to explain that the other night was not just about the cigar. ("It never is") She says -finally- that she hates that he looks at other women, that she doesn't have a key to his apartment, and that he can't make space for her in his bed... then she makes a wrong turn and says that it's not his fault because she never says it.
That right there is absolute bullshit. He is a person in the relationship too, he said "It never is" which means that he KNOWS that the cigar hate was a guise for some deeper problem. He KNOWS that he is hurting her. He is SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
But fine. whatever. It's her fault because she didn't point out exactly what was wrong. She may have physically hurt him which was absolutely wrong, but he hurts her every single time they interact by his arrogance and flagrant disregard for her feelings about EVERYTHING.
He tries to make a joke about how violence is never the answer and I really don't want to hear it.
Carrie opts to leave. good opt.
---
Charlotte is out with the shar pei post-operation. He's in a lot of pain, but they start to make out because Charlotte can't wait anymore. He's doubles over in pain and winces, "you should go!" and they plan to make a date further in the future after he's healed.
---
Miranda continues to try to change. Steve comes over to her place after work as usual, but this time Miranda has had a LOT of coffee, she's lit candles and is ready to have sex at nighttime like a normal couple!
They make out for a bit, until Miranda offers to go grab them a few glasses of wine. When she returns to Steve with the wine, he's passed out on the couch. Her attitude shifts. She prods him awake, and asks him to leave. He's like 'wtf? I'm awake now, let's do it!' And she says that she had a window, and she's tired and doesn't want to wake up and have sex in the morning and be late.
His feelings are hurt, but he is tired of her neuroses, and so he leaves.
---
A week later, Charlotte and the Shar Pei make love. It is wonderful and his penis is amazing! She asks him what he's doing next weekend, and the Shar Pei asks why in the world she would wonder that. He is not ready to settle down; he wants to share his penis with the world now that it's cut and amazing.
"Charlotte never saw him again. She realized that you can take the shar pei out of the penis, but you can't take the dog out of the man"
---
Big hasn't called Carrie since the night of the big hit. Carrie is sitting at home, and he knocks on the door. He explains quite rudely, I think, "Maybe you need a key to know I'm crazy about you. But I've given out like 5 keys. And you never get them back. And maybe.. maybe I hog my bed, but I mean it's MY bed and well, I like you in it."
So basically he gets to get off scott free for being an asshole. And she still doesn't get what she wants or needs from him.
He goes on to point out the things that he hates about her, namely, that she eats oranges in bed and it makes the sheets sticky. he calls it a negotiation, but it certainly sounds like she has to give MUCH more than he does. Just saying. He stays the night with her at her place, which I guess technically is a win for Carrie, but he still doesn't look happy about it.
Narrator Carrie suggests that maybe neither of them will fundamentally change, "but we were talking about it, and maybe that's the biggest change of all."
Yeah, no, sorry. That's not good enough. Talk is cheap.
The next morning, she has to replace her sheets because they reek of cigars. This is something I LOATHE about Carrie that comes up time and time again. Every. time. she gets what she thinks she wants, she hates it. She has no idea what will really make her happy and it drives me up the wall.
---
Finally, the last scene. Miranda is laying in bed. It is very late, but she can't sleep. The phone rings, and it's Steve. He asks her to go to the window and look up. It's a beautiful full moon in the sky. Steve calls it a blue moon-- and because it is my blog, I'm going to nit pick about that, from wikipedia: "A blue moon is an additional full moon that appears in a subdivision of a year: either the third of four full moons in a season, or a second full moon in a month of the common calendar."
So, I know he means the moon *looks* blue and is amazing and rare. But a "blue moon" doesn't have to be blue at all.
She invites him over, and Narrator Carrie says "It was right then that Miranda finally slowed down and gave in to Steve... So maybe you can't change a man. But once in a blue moon, you can change a woman."
God. That episode was much more infuriating than I thought it was going to be.
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