Friday, September 15, 2017

Season 3 Episode 10 All or Nothing

huh, I only just realized that in my last post, I labelled it as season 2.  oooop.

Ah well, moving on.

At the end of the last episode, Carrie had found herself in bed with Big.  And how did that happen?

So, that happened.

So far, it's just a one-off, and she doesn't want to talk to her friends about it for fear of scorn and judgement.

The foursome are at Sam's place, celebrating her life with a drunk viewing of An Affair to Remember.  Good job, show.  Right on the nose.

Before the movie, the foursome are very enthusiastic about how happy they are in their lives-- especially Sam.  She compares herself to her mother when she was her age: a sad woman saddled with three kids and a drunk husband.

Carrie quips that now she's just saddled with three drunk friends.  :DD

Charlotte thinks it's sad that Sam can be happy without a man, "I really think that having it all really means having someone to share it with."

"oh please, that is so Barney!"

"Well, I'm sorry!  My life wasn't really complete until I met Trey!" Charlotte insists.

Miranda is the audience here, nodding along and trying to be happy for her friend.

I really don't understand this about Charlotte.  She literally *just* met him a few weeks ago.  And what about her life before? was it really so void of meaning and fulfillment?  What a whole lot of weight to put on some guy she doesn't know has erectile dysfunction yet.

Funny line ahoy: "And Trey's mom is so great!"

She doesn't even know that his mom is a tyrant yet, either!

She is so desperate for a storybook ending, she doesn't realize that getting married is not actually the end of anything.


Ok, well *that* one was.

"You see us Manhattan! We have it all!"  Sam shouts out the window to the indifferent Meat Packing District.

"Fuck yous!"  A Meat Packer replies.

"You wish!"

At the end of their little movie night, and after Charlotte and Miranda go home, Carrie opens up to Sam about the affair.

 Sam really is the nicest character on the show.  She's the most caring, compassionate, and non-judgemental person.  She asks a few simple questions, but is really just there to comfort her friend.  It is super nice.

She doesn't even criticize Carrie's terrible fashion choice.  She's got on a light blue top with bleach stains all over it, random strips of various sized red fabric sewn as a makeshift collar and rhinestones along the neckline.  It is the worst shirt I've ever seen in my life.

And Sam doesn't even mention it.

She's such a good friend.

 Rather than go home after movie night, Carrie goes to Aiden's place, wakes him up in the middle of the night, and spends the rest of the night with him.  He has to get up early though, to make a furniture delivery that weekend upstate.

I don't believe this for a minute.  For the amount of money that each of these pieces cost, there's no way he can't afford a deliveryman or four.  But I guess I'll bite.

Carrie is inconveniently left alone for the weekend.  And we all know how this is going to go.


Meanwhile, Sam "I have it all" Jones has woken up with the flu.  She attempts to close her room-wide curtain, but can't quite reach it all that well and falls over. The curtain rod breaks from the wall and sunshine streams in.  It is so sad.  And Sam has no mans to come over and fix it for her. D:

None of the men she has on call want to come over to fix it for her either: "I can't even blow my nose let alone blow you!!"

--


Charlotte and Trey are at an upscale department store picking out wedding china.

"$1300?!"

Charlotte wants it all, and she wants Trey to pay for it.

"They're very beautiful."

"Yes. They'll look lovely under the ramen noodles we'll be forced to eat due to my outstanding China loans."

She gives him the biggest puppy-dog eyes she can muster, and he's forced to acquiesce.

The shop-worker (on commission, I imagine) looks incredibly impressed by Charlotte's manipulation.

And speaking of manipulation, on Trey's way out of the scene, he hands Charlotte his list of invitees for the engagement party, and tucked away under it is a prenuptial agreement.

sneaky sneaky.

Charlotte is taken completely aback, and has her lawyer friend Miranda take a look over it.

According to Miranda, it looks standard.  They get into a whole discussion of prenups and the reality of two people merging assets.  Charlotte doesn't want her illusion to end, she also thinks she's worth a lot more than what the prenup has valued her as.

It is all very rich people stuff.  I understand alimony, but $500,000 isn't enough?  Really?  It is supposed to set Charlotte up to stand up to Trey's mom, Bunny, but it really just makes Charlotte look like a selfish Cow.

--

The episode wouldn't be complete without a small Miranda story line.

While Miranda is talking to Charlotte about prenups, an old lawyer friend from Chicago says hi, and they decide to go on a date.  The date ends with a doorway make-out, but he has an early flight so they decide to continue the relationship remotely-- err remote phonely. phone sex.  We'll just call him Phoney.

There's a hilarious scene where Miranda is flicking the bean while phone sexing with Phoney.  She has call waiting, sits up and answers the phone.  It's Charlotte.

Charlotte wants to talk about negotiating with Trey and Bunny, meanwhile Miranda is hot and sweaty from phone sexing.  It is hilarious.  She switches lines between Charlotte and Phoney, laying down and sitting up and laying down again.

"Charlotte this is not a good time, I'll call you tomorrow!"

In their next phone sex adventure, Miranda is the one put on hold. But something weird happens.  Rather than come back to the phone remembering where they left off, old Phoney has gone on without her, "We hadn't gotten to that yet!" which leads Miranda to believe that he's having phone sex with other people.

and my suspension of disbelief has broken again.

Did he just start up a phone sex conversation as a matter of course with the lady who beeped in?  And how did they get farther along in their sexing before Miranda and phoney did?  Do they not have phone-foreplay?

"We never discussed exclusivity!" Phoney explains simply.

Miranda hangs up on Phoney.

---

Meanwhile, back in Carrie's timeline.  Guys, I don't want to do this.  It is so stupid.

Carrie does what we all know she will with an empty apartment and Aiden off in the boonies somewhere delivering a couch.

She calls Big.  She just wants to talk.  They can just talk...

...yeah, no they can't.

When Aiden comes home a few days later, he is none the wiser, and she is torn.

She carries her guilt over to Sam's place.  Sam is still battling actual problems and is delusional with fever.  Carrie is nice enough to make Sam's mother's recipe for frozen overdose: orange fanta and Robitussin blended over ice.  So much robotussin.

geez.

Sam cries to Carrie that she's all alone, that without a man she has nothing.

Her flu had turned her into Charlotte.

And meanwhile, Carrie is smoking again.

---

At the much anticipated engagement party, Miranda, Carrie and now-healthy Sam have realized that Charlotte has drank the kool aid and is willingly signing herself up to be a Stepford Wife.  So many Wasps.


 I don't know why it's surprising, really.  Charlotte's been trying to land a sexy doctor-type man for years.

Charlotte let's her friends know that she's still a selfish Cow and hasn't signed the prenup.  She still wants to negotiate her value with Bunny.  So it's bunny v. cow.



Charlotte gets what she wants, signs the prenup, and tells her friends all about it.

They are left bittersweet, and it is so lonesome on their walk home without her.

---

The final scene is a real doozy.  Carrie is hanging out in her apartment with Aiden and the dog when she gets a call from Big.

"I need to see you."

 "Miranda, I'll call you back."

"I'm downstairs.  If you don't come down, I'm coming up."

"Right, I'll call you later."

If it weren't so horrible, I would commend her for thinking on her feet so easily.

She actually offers to walk Pete the dog as a pretext for going downstairs.  Rather than, you know, continuing the Miranda theme and not having a dog along.  But Ok.  She has the dog on a leash.


Carrie complains that Big wants it all, he wants the wife and the girl to screw.  He claims that he just wants Carrie.  He threatens to tell Natasha, and Carrie tells him not to.  She still wants to be with Aiden.

Projecting much, Carrie?

"I have a man that loves me, and you have a wife that loves you."

"Don't talk about him and her like it's you and me."

"You have no right to do this.  You can't just come into my life and fuck it all up!"

Big points out what we're all thinking, "Well I think there were two people doing the fucking here, Carrie."

Carrie doesn't notice that she's let go of the leash, meanwhile, and Pete has walked off back down the street.

Carrie shouts at the dog, whose started galloping and Big actually asks "Where are you going?" Like she's some sort of monster who would let her boyfriend's dog get away.

dick.

He chases after the both of them, and she tells him to go home.

Finally, hours later, she's come home reeking of cigarettes.  There's no dog, it's been raining for quite awhile, and she is completely defeated.  She decides to come clean about the cheating with Aiden.

But there, next to Aiden in her apartment, is the dog.  Pete knows what she did and won't come for her.  Aiden chides Carrie for taking a dog running away so seriously.

What is wrong with the men in this episode?  She's rightfully upset, even if it were just about his dog running away.  She couldn't have known he would end up at home.

Narrator Carrie seems to use the dog turning up to get out of telling him the truth.

While he's comforting her, he notices something.

"Carrie, I need to ask you something. I don't want to be paranoid here, but you took Pete for a walk, and we both know you're not big on the dog walking. And I can smell something."

She sits over on the bed.  oop, he totally suspects she's been cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend!

"Are you cheating?"

She exhales, her eyes are red from the tears.  She looks at him and is about to say something--

"I can smell the smoke on you."

She admits to smoking.

He asks if she is going to quit, and she says that she really wants to, but she's shaking her head no.

OMG you guys, it's going to get so much worse before this is over.

D:

Till next time!

<3

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Season 3 Episode 9: Easy Come, Easy Go

Sorry about the looooong delay.  Summer happened and now that school is back in session, I can devote some good morning time to making these!


When we last left Carrie, she was about to get in bed with Big for whatever reason, Sam was praising her ill-timed period, Charlotte was moving rather swiftly with Trey, and Miranda had recently broken up with Steve.

aww.

And it's so awful too, because Steve had moved in with her, so she had to sneak out to get to work at--


"What time is it anyway?"

"6:30."

Steve assures her that he'll be out of her hair soon, he's got a lead, and not to worry.

Then he awkwardly asks if she wants to go look at the place with him, but that would be really awkward.  But Miranda, not being a dick, actually decides that she knows a hopeless case when she sees one.  He is teh poors afterall.

---

In Carrie's timeline, she's gotten herself into an even bigger kerfuffle than just sleeping with Big.  She's Aiden's booth-bitch at his furniture show, which is I guess some kind of in-joke, but I don't get it. I mean, at least they still have in-jokes at this point.

Big walks up to their booth with his pristine white-dress-wearing wife, and it is mostly maple-- uh awkward.  Natasha insults Aiden's furniture aesthetic, and we're supposed to fault her for it. Then Big and Aiden and Natasha and Carrie stand around chatting awkwardly about furniture until Aiden is like, "who are these people?" Cause he can feel the tension.

And rather than reveal Big's mysterious name, she accidentally spills coffee on his crotch.  I sort of love this about the show.  Writing about it now, it is hokey and gimmicky-- especially considering they do reveal his name in the show's finale-- but in the moment, the first time you watch this scene, it is seamless:

-Who are your friends, Carrie?
-This is Natasha and this is --Whoops!-- cue scalding coffee on Big's crotch.

And then Carrie reaches down to try to help clean it up, asking him if it's hot.

"Well it ain't cold!" And Natasha pushes her away from her husband's crotch.  good girl.

It all reminds me of "The man with the Yellow Hat" from the Curious George show.  They spent SO MANY seasons and books dodging saying his name, and it was mildly hilarious.

Until they made the godawful Curious George Movie, and all that name tension was just gone.

Ted.  His name is Ted.



Two hours later, during the silent auction, Big returns, visibly drunk, while Aiden is busying himself with other furniture show stuff, and he slams his whiskey down on a piece of Aiden's furniture.  SLAM.

There is SO much in that one ringing action.  SLAM.  I'm back in your life, coming between you and Aiden, the mostly-maple, clunky and oppressive desk.

And another thing I notice, he refuses to use Aiden's name.  He called him "Paul Bunyan"  "Daniel Boone,"  and always undermining her and her relationship.  She picks up on it right away, corrects him multiple times and tries to be civil, but Big is drunk and incredibly jealous.

She picks up the glass after a beat, wipes off the condensation and asks him where his wife is.

"She's guarding her bid on a silent auction.  She's got her eye on a beige chair.  Everything in my apartment is now beige.  Beige is bullshit."

"I thought you wanted beige"

"Yeah, well it doesn't quite. fit."

They continue their awkward back-and-forth.  Big tells her a secret, that isn't really a secret, that things aren't working out and he's leaving Natasha. "If you know anyone who's interested."

Carrie is floored.

She immediately goes to the four-some for advice.

They are full of it.

Charlotte is freaking out because he's married.

Sam is pissed on her behalf because married men never leave their wives.

Miranda is annoyed because he obviously only wants Carrie because he can't have her.

And then there's this great back-and-forth:

"What was he doing at the furniture show?"

"I dunno, drinking and leaving his wife?"

 Carrie is adamant that she's not going to do anything. For two reasons:

"First of all, I have a great boyfriend.  And second of all I'm not insane."

Well, she Does have a great boyfriend.

Miranda advises her to punch him next time.

They all talk about how sad it is that Big's and Natasha's relationship is imploding so quickly:
"It is sad," Charlotte explains, "How long has it been? Seven months?"

"Ah," Sam responds, "The seven month itch."

And then Miranda subtly, not so subtly, cajoles Charlotte.  "This is what happens when people jump into relationships too quickly."

Charlotte is offended because she and Trey are nothing like Big and Natasha.

Everyone reminds Charlotte that Miranda is being especially bitter because she's mid-break-up.

Charlotte proves that she and Trey are different by saying that she's meeting his mother.  And if all goes well!

"If all goes well, what?"  Every cynical person wants to know.

"Trey is this close to proposing."








"You just met.  I've had pairs of pantyhose longer!"


Then the show writers shoehorn a bit about logic versus emotion.  Heart versus Head.

But it doesn't really magically wipe away any of the very valid issues that Miranda (and most of the audience) has with Charlotte jumping into marriage for the sake of being married.  How exactly are Trey and Charlotte different?  It just is, I guess.

 And then the other half of the audience, who actually *likes* Big and Carrie together gets their voice heard by Sam who asks "SO! How'd he look?"

Sure, it is reckless, and will ruin at least one person's life, but there's nothing wrong with fantasizing sleeping with a married ex. Plus, their chemistry is hard to shake.

---

Miranda goes on an apartment walk-through with Steve.  It's worse than we thought.  It's the doorway to hell.  Miranda offers to legit help him find a better place, out of some goodness in her heart.

---

The first meeting with Bunny, Trey's mother, goes a lot better than expected.  Charlotte learns that he does tricks!

Bunny can get Trey to agree to anything in the world if she gently rubs his wrist with her paw.  (I'm going to imagine Bunny is an actual rabbit for the majority of her time on screen.  For funsies)


Meanwhile, speaking of heart v. head, Sam is currently giving head.

(she -also- does tricks!)

But when he comes, it is the worst tasting come she's ever tried.  She almost gagged.  "Well that is serious!"


"Have you thought about -not- giving him head?"
"huh, that hadn't occurred to me!"







--

Both Carrie and Miranda get phone messages they can't deal with.  Miranda's is a message for Steve, from a woman he met at the bar who wants to date him.  Even though he is couch surfing on his ex's couch, he's available.

Carrie's message is from Big, and she obsesses about it with Miranda.  She says that Carrie should have punched him while she had the chance.  And Carrie sighs and says that she's definitely deleting the message.

But then she doesn't.  (of course she doesn't!)

She calls him.  And rather than ignite something with her, he tells her that he and Natasha aren't breaking up after all, since it would cost him too much.

Carrie is pissed that she let him in at all.  She doesn't want to care about this.  She definitely doesn't want to sleep with him.

Not even a little bit.

Nope.


In Carrie's ACTUAL relationship, Aiden is poised to be candidate for Best Boyfriend Ever by offering to fix up Carrie's apartment.  He wants to strip her floors and fix the crack on her ceiling.   Although, I have to argue that that is really just a bit much.  I mean, she rents the place.




It isn't really her job to fix up the place.

---

Meanwhile, Sam and the funky-tasting-spunk guy are sharing shots of wheat grass.


I've watched this episode with the Director Commentary on, and he says that they actually *did* drink dozens of shots of wheat grass.  D:  It gave Kim Cattrall the runs.  oop.

She thinks that the taste of his semen will be affected by the wheat grass. But it isn't.


Then comes one of the funniest scene transitions ever: while Sam is choking on funky-tasting-spunk, Trey is licking some mysterious white goop of his lips. :D

He says something about the dressing tastes a bit, odd, and sends it back.  Charlotte rubs his wrist, enabling him to order a tomato and basil salad instead, and he says, "alrighty."

He then starts gushing to Charlotte about how wonderful she is-- leading her to thinking that he'll be popping the question, when from the left, the waitress has popped back with his tomato and basil salad.

I've never been to a restaurant with such prompt service.

"This basil is perfection!" He says before he's taken a bite. "What is it about you Charlotte? You always seem to know just what I want."

She does the trick again, rubbing his wrist just so and says excitedly, "Maybe we should get married."

"Alrighty."

She's absolutely crushed.

"I'm engaged." She says plainly to Carrie. "I suggested he have the tomato basil, and then I suggested we get married."

She's really mostly upset because he was supposed to ask her.

Carrie talks her down from the ledge.  And also chides her for getting engaged to a man who says "alrighty."   She has a point.  Trey is something of a boob.

--

Miranda is woken up in the middle of the night by a mewling puppy.  She shouts to the other room, "Steve!  the dog!"  but he's not there.  And now Miranda is alone.

He sneaks back in, abashedly, while Miranda is getting ready to leave for work.  It is awkward, but Miranda is not affected.  He tells her that he'll be out of her hair that day.  And they're done.

They have one last cordial conversation about keeping in touch, staying friends, and then Miranda leaves.

---

In Sam's final scene, she is hesitant to go down on funky-tasting-spunk guy.

He is annoyed, and thinks that she's pulling his chain about the whole thing.  She's like, I love giving head, you're ruining it.

He doesn't see what the big deal is, you go up and down a few times, it's easy!

"Easy?!  You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey.  They don't call it a job for nothing!"


She makes a proposition.  If *he* tries it and is fine with it, then She'll go down on him no questions asked.

This short blip of a scene always confused the heck out of me though.  He ends up trying some of his joy juice and says that he's fine with it and immediately Sam hops to it.

Refractory period anyone?

---


Charlotte's ending was a little bit more satisfying.  She's all glum walking hand-in-hand with her betrothed, but she can't get it out of her head the way it happened.

He stops her, right in front of Tiffany's and suggests they go in and pick out the most beautiful ring they have and she says "Alrighty!"

(course, she ruins it by planning to rewrite history if their kids ever ask how she and Trey got engaged.)

--

In Carrie's end, Aiden is currently stripping her floors.  She didn't plan for the fact that this job is messy and loud and time-consuming.  Rather than going to a coffee shop or the park or something, she rents a hotel room and goes there.

Big calls.  He's in the lobby.

She is panicked. He got the number from Aiden when he called her apartment. Now she's pissed.

He simply *has* to talk to her.  She has to talk to him right back.  She smartly meets him down in the lobby and let's him have a stern tongue lashing.  Course, he's getting drunk (again) at the hotel bar instead.

"This has to stop!  The flirting, and the jerking me around, and the calling my boyfriend.  He doesn't know about you and I don't want him to ever know about you."

"Why is that?"

"Oh go lay in your beige bed."

She leaves the bar and he chases her down.

"Listen, I have to explain this to you." He says as she's impatiently waiting for the elevator. "fuck.  I miss you."

"Too bad." She enters the lift.

He follows her.

"Do not come in here. Don't follow me in here!"

"I have to talk to you," he says particularly menacingly.

"What?! What do you have to say?!"

He's looming over her, holding on to her shoulders and pulling her toward him.  "I made a mistake" he says as his mouth lunges over hers.  She resists, barely:

"fuck you!" She scrambles to push him away.

He holds on to her, tighter, "I love you." And kisses her again.

She is moved ever so much more, but fights him off one last time.

"fuck you."

He finally traps her against the wall and she let's him this time.  They kiss and she kisses back.

Narrator Carrie explains, "My mind was yelling how angry I was.  But my heart."

"fuck me" Carrie Carrie whispers to him.



 They wake up in the next scene naked and Carrie is smoking again.

She's back to her old habits.

Ah well.

Till next time!  I'm really going to try to get back to a once-a-week type thing now that my schedule is back to normal.

<3

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Season 3 Episode 8 The Big Time

This episode's central theme is Time, and it shows up again and again.  This show is pretty great at strong cohesive plots like this.

Narrator Carrie starts off by bragging about how amazing Manhattan is.  You can get anything at anytime, usually delivered right to your door. But somehow you can never (ever) get your dry cleaning.  That's because you suck at life Carrie.

Carrie is out getting her nails done with Charlotte, and Charlotte is absolutely convinced that the man who nearly ran into her in his cab is -the one-.  She believes it so firmly, she's withholding sex.  She's become anything but girl (not to be confused with anything butt girl)

Meanwhile, Aiden and Carrie are happily staying in bed together.  Good for them!

 And in the meat-packing district, Sam just got a catalogue for pre-menopausal women.  And she resents it.  She also got hit on by her new upstairs neighbor "Len" or possibly "Glen" or even "Allen." I can never quite hear it right, and it seems to change.  She couldn't possibly be a target for him, she's still happening!  No menopause for this hot young broad!

She brings in the catalogue to brunch with the girls as evidence.  Miranda says she sometimes gets the same one, and she blames buying a back-pillow online at one point.  They read from it about early signs of menopause-- irregular periods, all month long PMS, hot flashes, etc. Goody.

"On the plus side, people start to give up seats for you on the bus!" Carrie is the voice of reason.

Miranda talks about how she can't wait for menopause, periods suck!

"I can't wait till Flo stops coming to town!" Charlotte says

"No one calls it Flo." Sam corrects.

"I think my grandmother did." Miranda adds.

(psst.  They're already old.  Just embrace it, I say!)



They then gush about how their periods are all synced up!  But then Sam admits that she's a bit late.

And in the transition, Carrie is also late.  To pick up her dry cleaning.  AGAIN.

FAIL.

And while Steve and Miranda are out together, Steve asks Miranda to have a baby with him on a whim.  This'll be good.  Miranda nixes the idea immediately.  She won't let it take hold.

"Steve, do you know how much work a baby is?!"  She moms at him.

He explains that he would "hang out with him during the day" while she's at work.  Like a new baby is a friend or a dog or something.

Miranda explains that she'd end up taking care of baby all night and never get any sleep.  That she would have to work extra long hours at the firm in order to even afford the apartment and child.

"Let's hope the baby inherits my positive attitude."

And then they're both depressed.
---

Carrie is getting ready to go out on a boat ride for some magazine party.  She invites Aiden, but he doesn't want to go, he says he's not fabulous enough for celebrities and celebrity hangers on.

So, she hangs out with Charlotte-- and her hanger on, Trey.  They tell the story of how they met for the millionth time, and Carrie is starting to get nauseous and it's not from the boat.

And there, while Carrie is nomming a piece of cheese, Big shows up. Without his wife. Carrie has to make a quick escape, but realizes they're all stuck there together for the next few hours.

Charlotte runs up while Carrie is considering jumping overboard.  Trey has gifted her a beautiful engraved watch.  He's smitten.

"To Charlotte.  It's about TIME I met you."

aww. a watch AND a pun.

he's a keeper.

She goes back to him, and Carrie is left thinking about jumping overboard again.

Big walks up and asks if they can even have a conversation anymore?

And Carrie doesn't know anymore.  So Big makes a joke to ease the tension and make her laugh.

Well, he's good for something at least.

Carrie takes the opportunity, when asked, to talk about Aiden and how happy she is with him.

---

Sam realizes that not only is she very late, but she has probably lost her period for good and freaks out about being old.

The foursome are in a bathroom, exchanging tampons, and Sam wistfully wishes she were still fertile.  Miranda has unwittingly taken Carrie's last tampon, and now she's SOL, so she innocently asks Sam if she has any.

"No, I'm not!  I don't have a tampon and I'll probably never need one ever again!"

They make sure she's not knocked up, but she is very -very- moody.

"I'm not pregnant. (she starts crying) I'm drying up! I'm day old bread, my time is up!  Enjoy your flows"

 "For someone with no period, you've got a mean case of PMS."

Meanwhile, they're conversing about Charlotte and the one.  She thinks she's in love with him.  And the watch, according to her, proves that he must be in love with her too.

"Please!" Miranda is getting annoyed by this whole charade, "I've had pantyhose longer!"


 Charlotte tries to say that it's fate.  And Miranda explains that it is dumb luck and all about timing:

"Men are like cabs. When they're available their light goes on... They can drive around for years picking up women and never be available."

"Well then maybe they shouldn't be allowed to get behind a wheel!" Carrie piles on with a joke.
---

Miranda meanwhile is dealing with Steve like a mother dealing with a child.  It's NOT pretty.  She's trying to get some work done at home, and he's watching Scooby Doo. Loudly.

He tries to play the baby card-- you know the one where she should get used to the noise if they're going to have a baby.

He also is watching TV while Miranda is trying to have a real conversation with him.

She is not amused.

She later complains to Carrie about it. Steve is using a baby as a band aid for everything wrong in their relationship.  Essentially Miranda already has a baby: Steve. And she's Mean Mommy, which is not a pretty look for her.

"Man, this baby is going to need a LOT of therapy."

"There Is No Baby."
--

Sam gives in and finally goes out with Len? Lem? Alem? Glem?

She's not into it, but he doesn't seem to notice.  They do it, and she's just laying there, totally bored to death.  He finishes and panics.  There's blood everywhere.

"Either you're a virgin or Flo just came to town!"

She's sorry not sorry about ruining his very expensive sheets, and absolutely gleeful that she doesn't have to settle and isn't day old bread after all.

--
Miranda is at work, hard at work on a case, when she gets a call from Steve who wants her to come down to where he is.  She can't, since she has a meeting soon.  He thinks it will help, and asks nicely, so she goes.

It's a pet shop.  Steve wants to get a dog.

She doesn't want to be Mean Mommy, so she acquiesces.  And immediately regrets it.  That night, She's the one who has to get up and take care of the puppy.

 She pushes Steve and wakes him up.

He says that it'll be fine, the puppy is just getting used to them.

She's like, it's fine for you, you're not doing anything!  So he picks up the puppy and is playful to Miranda.  Miranda is fucking pissed and having none of it.  She hops out of bed and finally says what she's been thinking all along:

"This is it.  I'm so sick of you being the kid here. I cannot be in charge all the time!  We're supposed to be equals. Partners!  You think we can have a baby? We can't even have a puppy together!"

"We're just going through a rough patch."

"This isn't a patch Steve.  This is it. All the time. And it's not good."

Steve accuses Miranda of giving up, and Miranda claims she's just being honest.  She's been trying really hard for a long time, but it isn't going to work out.

"I don't want to fight any more." Steve says.
"You think that I do?" Miranda realizes they haven't been on the same side for a long time.
"I don't know anymore."



Charlotte and Trey are currently making out right outside her apartment.  It's really nauseating, not the making out, but their retelling of how they met between kisses.  Finally Charlotte has to go inside and won't let Trey in.

He knocks on the door, not to barge his way in, but to tell her that he loves her.

Narrator Carrie chimes in, "That night Charlotte got everything she wanted.  Trey got a hand job."

OK, so now we have to talk about the Trey Arc. The one that continues in a few episodes when they get married and Trey can't get it up.

Does Charlotte conveniently forget that Trey got a handy from her at this point?  Cause while Carrie is in L.A. she asks Charlotte if Trey's problem is physical or psychological-- Charlotte should remember the one successful time they shared sex-adjacent activity.  Clearly it's a psychological problem that Trey has.  No need to test whether Trey can achieve a boner.

amiright?

OK, back to the final scene.  Carrie is with Aiden.  She notices that her machine has a message on it (how quaint!) And starts to listen to it, but it's Big, so she shuts it off immediately.  Guilt zinging through her body.  For some reason, Narrator Carrie explains that "She couldn't stop him from coming back into her life."

Aiden notices that she's out of coffee filters, and rather than use toilet paper, he runs down to the store to get more. Just as he leaves, Big knocks on the door and completely shocks Carrie.

He asks if she's listened to is message.  He's completely out of breath and like, drunk almost.

"That was him, wasn't it?  The perfect guy?" He asks derisively.

"Yes it was. And he's coming back.  What do you want?"

(GOD CARRIE WHY DO YOU CARE?!)

he leans up against her door frame.  "I don't know" He says breathlessly. He knows.  And so does she.

"No. Go home to your wife." (GOOD GIRL!)  She tries to shut the door, but he swings it back open.

"I'm so fucked up" He says with his teeth. She closes the door, but stops just short and swings it back open again, pauses and finally, she slams it closed.

"I had no idea what else Big was going to say.  And I'm not sure what bugged me more.  That I didn't know, or that I cared." Narrator Carrie says.

Carrie presses play on the machine and listens as Big tells her that he misses her. That he can't stop thinking about her. "There you have it."

"There it was.  Exactly what I needed to hear a year too late. I should have been happy but I wasn't.  It was the absolute WORST timing of all."

She waits and waits for Aiden to come home.  A whole ten minutes.  She has a lot to say about timing and some pretty heavy stuff about past and future.

It doesn't bode well.

Oh Carrie.

You so dumb.

Welp.  that's it!  See you next time!

<3

Friday, May 5, 2017

Season 3 episode 7 Drama Queens

Now this episode is a memorable episode, things start to get interesting in various ways-- mostly by each of the foursome acting insufferable, especially Carrie.  Although, Charlotte is in the running for the title 'most needing to sit down and clam yo tits'






The question du jour is whether you need drama in a relationship to make it work.

The answer is, of course, No.  But I guess you need drama to make a story arc work.

So, let's begin.

Carrie keeps waking up suddenly in the middle of the night.  She is worried about something, but there seems to be nothing to worry about.  She's paid her bills, she's happily relationshipped with Aiden.  But like clockwork, zap! She's awake. And she's anxious.

She realizes that she must be worried because there's nothing to worry about in her relationship.

Cause she's really stupid.  But this is telling. She's a complete loon, and the looniest of the foursome (Charlotte) has to tell Carrie and the rest of them off for being Cuckoo.

"Now we're breaking up with boyfriends because they're too available!?!?"

Sam had just advised Carrie that if he seems to good to be true, he probably is.




Charlotte continues to chide them by talking about a new book she's been reading (I'm glad to hear she's abandoned "the rules") that deals with finding a mate with business strategy.  I don't know how that would work, it's not like you can micromanage your way to a lasting relationship, but I'll let this go by since it does blow up in her face spectacularly.

Miranda is happy with her relationship with Steve.  They are blissfully predictable and it's exactly what she needs. They share dishes, are comfortable just being around each other, and they're like clockwork: exactly 8 minutes of no frills sex, followed by 12 minutes of frontline.

Sounds good to me.

Until Miranda is doing his laundry and finds she's accidentally, unwittingly, coupled up with skid marks guy.


She decides that they must be in a rut-- that's what is making him just a little too comfortable.  so comfortable he can't manage to wipe his own ass properly.

Anyway.

Sam is meanwhile dating a guy completely randomly.  They found each other... "well, we're not sure, but suffice to say it happened quickly"

He's a guy who takes Viagra recreationally.  Like, he doesn't need it, but he claims that it makes sex that much more intense. I am not sure it works that way.  Even more puzzling, at one of their encounters, Sam asks to have a go with the little blue pill and she has a life-changing orgasm of her own.

I've actually watched a documentary about finding a Viagra-like pill for sexually frustrated women, It was called Orgasm Inc.  Viagra doesn't work that way on women was one of the take-aways.  Another was that women don't work the same way men do-- that a lot of female sexuality is mental.  Pretty sure Sam doesn't need that kind of help getting in the mood.

At her end of the episode, the guy breaks up with Sam because she's become addicted to the thrill of sex with the Viagra.  A little too much drama, perhaps.

---


Carrie is out there on a date with Aiden looking for relationship drama.  She's asking him what's wrong with him? why is he single? Why is he always so available?

He responds the only way he can, by offering to buy her a donut.

She talks about it with Miranda. Then she reaches deep and realizes that she's acting like Big in the relationship.  Aiden had offered to introduce his parents to her, and she doesn't want to meet them.

Miranda suggests that Carrie doesn't believe it's for real unless -someone- is playing hard to get.  It's very astute.

Carrie writes about it in her little laptop.  She talks about love like it's a story book, 'act one, act two, happily ever after' and I think therein lies her problem with long-term romance.  There *is* no happily ever after and then credits.  At least, not in real life.

--

Charlotte's story line in this episode is legendary.

She meets up with a couple friend, Dennis and Amy-- couple friends are the city's most untapped resource for eligible bachelors, according to her new 'rules' book.

They are not sure they know anyone who would be a right fit for Char, but Phil is cute ("You think he's cute?" Dennis gobsmacks to his wife) and Charlotte offers to take Phil to the opera.  First she has to go through Dennis.

So, she calls. And leaves a message.  And follows up.  Persistently.  Leaving message after message for Dennis about Phil.  But he never answers and he never returns the calls.

"Can you tell Dennis to call me?  Yes. He'll know what it's regarding!  It's regarding my future husband, Phil! OK? Thank you."

And another message in the montage:

"Well, Obviously you have some good reason for trying to keep Phil and I apart. I can't imagine what it is! But I will tell you that this is Phil's loss and NOT mine.  And don't bother returning this call either!"

In the end, she has to take Carrie to the opera.

--

Carrie approaches Aiden to tell him that she isn't sure she wants to meet his parents this weekend.  He assures her that they'll love her!  And she isn't worried about that, she's worried that if they break up she'll have to deal with -another- set of parents wondering what happened to that cute curly haired chick who was cute. :cough: just like Big's excuse for not introducing his mother to her! :cough:

 

Since they won't be seeing each other that weekend, Aiden says that he'll miss her.

"See? Maybe that's good." Carrie is a nut, "Maybe we should see each other less, so we can miss each other more! You're so available to me and I'm so available to you and maybe we're just too available!"


he says that he does have a life, he was just making room in it for her.  That is just so freaking sweet.

He does acquiesce to her strange demand, and doesn't answer his phone.

Which, of course, drives her nuts.

Make up your damn mind, Carrie!!

--

At the Opera, Carrie points out how lovely a first date this would have been with Phil.

"Well, he seemed nice!"

Then, Charlotte makes one last call to Dennis.  And finally he picks up! He had been on a business trip (then why not call her about Phil before you leave, jackass!) but he's ready to set them up on a date.

In the theater, Carrie is playing around with her opera glasses.  She looks at the singers on the stage, then across the audience to some of the other balcony areas.  Big is there with his wife!  He's looking back at her with his own pair of opera glasses, and then he does that little wave of his.

She has to run away, she can't be in the same theater audience as him!  DRAMA LLAMA ALERT!

Well, that worked out well for Charlotte, I'm glad she has such good reliable friends to go to the opera with.

--

Carrie is woken up again by a shock!  But this time she knows what's wrong, she got the stomach flip from seeing Big again.  "And it also sent my spleen leaping into my throat."

Maybe she should call the doctor about that.

She calls Miranda, even though it's the middle of the night.  The ringtone causes Steve to sit upright in bed and it is comical. He goes back down as Miranda answers the phone and asks Carrie whats wrong.  It's Big, of course. She is realizing that maybe there's something to that 'available man thing.'

Miranda realizes at the same moment, as she looks down at her sleeping boyfriend, that it is kind of nice to have a reliable and available man in her life.  Miranda asks if she's going to call Aiden to let him know that.  Carrie's like, "it's the middle of the night, I'll call him in the morning."

As I already mentioned, he doesn't answer.  And he doesn't call back all day either.

She is worried and wants to make sure that he knows that she's nuts, uh... for sure into him,  so the next morning, she meets him and his parents where he said they'd be.

He explains that he didn't call because she wanted him to be less available, and she chides him for giving her what she says she wants.

AIDEN, SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.

She does end up meeting his parents, and decides that she's made her own stomach flip.
--

In Charlotte's end, she's waiting for her blind date, Phil to show up at the bar or wherever it is.  She's asking various men if they're Phil.  One of them looks her up and down and responds, "I could be."

Gross.

Finally, it's not Phil, but Dennis who shows up.  He wants Charlotte all to himself, and tells her that he and his wife haven't been working out.  Charlotte is aghast!

"You kept all your great single friends away from me just so you could cheat on your wife?! :smack: You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"You're such a spark plug!" He clearly isn't deterred by her 'no.'

(pictured: he will not be deturd)



"I am not interested in starting some married man's car!"


Charlotte dramatically exits the bar, with Phil in tow.  She's trying to get away when she trips over the curb and a taxicab stops short, nearly hitting her.

And who should show up to her rescue from the back of the cab but Trey!

"And that's how, in the most dramatic fashion, Charlotte met her new leading man."



And that's how I leave this.  Great episode.

Till next time!

Monday, April 17, 2017

Season 3 Episode 6: Are We Sluts?

Ah, the episode that confronts head-on the criticisms of jerks, prudes, and sexist assholes.

Are Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte Sluts?


let's find out.

The episode begins at Carrie's doorway.  She's making out pretty hard with the guy she just started dating, Aiden. ah, Aiden.  He's the best.

Only, he doesn't want to come in.  He says he has to feed his dog, Pete, and can't spend the night.  She's a little miffed, she was so ready to bone.

Meanwhile, a few hours later, Sam is greeted by a nocturnal guest at 2 in the morning.  :eyebrow waggle:  Next morning, however, she finds that one of her old-lady neighbors has been mugged by someone who came in the building after Sam's guest. (there's a whole video which shows that the mugger sneaked in after him)

And Sam feels terribly guilty about the whole thing, and embarrassed.  And she slinks out of the scene, hoping nobody noticed that she was the male-orderer.

At brunch the next day, mum's the word.

Charlotte doesn't want to talk about how on her third date with an investment banker, during coitus, he shouted out "you fucking bitch you fucking whore!" Absolutely terrifying her and making her feel like maybe he has a point.

I feel bad that she immediately gives him that power.  It was rude what he did, and jarring.  And only appropriate if she consented to that kind of thing.

The other three seem to gaslight her discomfort: of course he said that entirely appropriate thing that made you uncomfortable, you guys were fucking.  It isn't like he said it to you at the dry cleaners.

For the record, I think it would have been *more* appropriate at the dry cleaners, because at least the context would show his mental state.

And finally, Charlotte wonders aloud:  "Do you think I'm a whore?"

"Oh please! If you're a whore, then what does that make me?!" Sam asks.

And then the rest of her friends pile on, Miranda admits that Charlotte has had a decent amount of bone in her, so clearly she is a prostitute.

Charlotte starts spinning about how no one wants to marry a whore.

This whole conversation is making my head spin.  WTF?

Carrie finally mentions the thing that she didn't want to mention, which is that after a week and a half of dating, her new beau doesn't want to do it with her and she's still annoyed.

Sam unhelpfully tells her that if he doesn't sleep with her before some undefined period that the man who was previously rubbing Carrie's ass provocatively will unceremoniously drop her in the friend zone.

And Carrie, stupidly, gives her friend's idea weight and carries it with her all week.

On her next date with Aiden, she wears one of her 'leave little to the imagination' dresses, and is sending ALL the sex vibes his way.  At her doorway, while she is trying to get the door open, he cock blocks her again.

She is just done with him then.  She rushes in and closes her door in his face.

He knocks gently, and this is all a sort of metaphor for what he says next: "What's going on up there?"

And this is why we love Aiden.  He wants to understand her, he wants love her for her.

And she just wants to shut him out and lie to him (but I'm getting WAY ahead of myself here).

She asks plainly if he just wants to be friends, and he asks if she kisses her friends that way.


He goes on to explain himself.  He doesn't want to just sleep with women, he wants to only sleep with women he's in love with.  He's out to get married. (there should be klaxons going off in her head at this point)  And she then wonders 'why did I want to sleep with him after only a week and a half?'

She has a conversation with Miranda about it next day.

Miranda is sympathetic, but has her own, more pressing worries.  She had been told by her gynecologist that she has chlamydia, which she'd never been tested for before.  The Gyno wants her to call up every one of her previous sexual partners to let them know that they should get tested for it.  This is going to prove a daunting challenge for her as one of her previous lovers on her legal notepad is "guy from deli."

(btw, I call bullshit on Lawyer Miranda not getting tested for STIs every time she has a new partner)

--

Charlotte, for whatever reason, is trying it again with the asshole who called her a bitch and a whore, for whatever reason.  They are having a lovely dinner, but Charlotte can't get it out of her mind, the scene. He asks her what's the matter, and he doesn't remember yelling out in bed at all.

She laughs it off and starts to enjoy her date. Until bed.  When he shouts again, and she has to point out, "there it is you said it again."

"What did I say?"

She can hardly say it, but she does, and he is so apologetic. He had no idea and he certainly doesn't think that about sweet Charlotte.

In her final scene having sex with him, he doesn't want to come.  He's afraid that he's going to shout it again, and be made aware of it.  She tells him finally to come and he hates himself.  Hello therapy!

--

Miranda has to convince Steve to go to the free clinic to get tested.  He doesn't want to go, and has a strange idea about how STI's work.  Since men are just carriers, he wonders why he has to get tested at all.

:rolls eyes:

She tells him that she doesn't want to do it with him anymore if he doesn't get tested (and doesn't want to do it with him at all until she's done with her antibiotics.

He goes to free clinic and finds out they need a swab from his urethra.

His test came back negative.  So that's good, at least.

--
Sam is confronted in her apartment building's elevator by a poodle-holding older woman. She says that they all know that it was she who buzzed in the gunman, and she has WAY too many gentlemen callers in general.

"That's ridiculous." But then her face changes and there is a fun little montage in the elevator; a melange of men over the years that she's gotten frisky with.

She's disoriented by the time her floor arrives.

 Later on, she is confronted in the lobby by all her old-lady neighbors, including the one who was mugged, and she's got a big black eye to show for it.  Rather than blaming the missing doorman, they still blame her for the mugger getting in.

She calls Carrie to complain about it and decides that the only way out of this predicament is to move.

Which, by the end of the episode she has, to the trendy meatpacking district. Well that does sound promising! ;)

--

Miranda, is at work, calling all her old lovers. She's at the end of a conversation congratulating -someone- on his being married and not having to worry about chlamydia.

In the cannon in my mind, I like to think it's Skipper.

On the other line, is the man she dated immediately after Skipper, the angry man.  She tries to wade her way carefully through the conversation.  He is not helping.

He knows what chlamydia is, he got tested and *did* have it.  Miranda's pissed.  He could have given it to her, why didn't he call her to let her know to get tested.

"You told me never to call you again!"

"NOW I REMEMBER WHY. BYE!"

 She's had to make a lot of difficult calls that day, and by the end of it is exhausted.  She's also had to confront her own fears about her possible slut-dom.  So, while talking with Steve later, reveals her number. 42.

Steve says that it's not so bad.  (and really if Miranda's in her early-thirties that's only about 3 a year, which is well under Joey's 10 year tenure. )

 Miranda then tries to guess Steve's number, and Steve seems so bashful about it, she low balls it, so he keeps having to say "higher" whenever she guesses.

"Higher than sixty? A lot higher?"

"Hey, I'm a bartender and I'm cute." Steve explains his promiscuity.

"Note" Narrator Carrie explains, "Men who have had a lot of sexual partners are not called sluts. They're called Very Good Kissers."
 --

On her next date with Aiden, Carrie is looking for signs of being "friendzoned."  This'll end well.  So far:
He certainly kissed me like a boyfriend. But he teased me like a friend.
boyfriend: He wiped a dribble of food from under her lip
 friend: he says "I don't care what anyone says, I think Catherine Zeta Jones is hot..." (as if that's debatable)
 boyfriend: "Not as hot as you."

She calls Charlotte for a second opinion.
 "I think Samantha's right," Carrie begins, "I think we're just friends who kiss occasionally"
"Why are you whispering?" Charlotte asks
"He's still here."
"Well, that sounds promising!"
"He's been in the bathroom for half an hour"
"eww."

He calls from the other room for her to come to the bathroom so she hangs up.  She finds he's drawn her a bath with candles and romance and she quips that it "wow! It looks like a Danielle Steel novel in here."

He says that he noticed she was tense and wanted her to relax a bit.  She asks if this is a ploy to see her naked and they flirt a bit back and forth.  He jars her a bit by announcing that he has to get going-- "but that doesn't mean we're just friends."

She somehow convinces him to join her in this very romantic tub, and he does.

Carrie asks, "Now what?" now that they're both naked in the very bubbly tub.

"Now what, what? We're just taking a bath. Oh fuck it, let's just do it."

But suddenly Carrie sees how special doing it could be and doesn't want to.  She wants to wait for the right time too.  aww.

On their next date, Aiden surprises her by telling her that the neighbor kid has been enlisted to take care of the dog, so he is free to spend the night.

So, they -finally- sleep together and it means something.

I still feel icky about this whole episode, I feel like it gives puritans just enough ammo to continue slut shaming people who sleep with each other before their wedding nights. Not that puritans watch this show, but this episode doesn't do enough to erase some of that icky cultural baggage that is in fucking everything.

No. They aren't sluts because that's fucking sexist.


Yes, there are some negative consequences to being promiscuous, but not having sex won't prevent all of them-- like the mugging. Or getting your heart broken.  Or being yelled at by men, called a fucking whore.  Since when does not having sex stop horrible men from slut-shaming women?

blah.

That's the end of the episode.

<3

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Season 3 Episode 5: No Ifs, Ands, or Butts

This is an episode I fondly remember watching for the first time on TBS with my now-husband, Zac.  He was such a dear, watching lady shows with his lady.  :p

It begins with Charlotte out on the street saying goodbye to her newest first date.  They are about to share a kiss, and Narrator Carrie is narrating how hopeful she is about the possible magic that's about to happen.

It starts out OK, and then his tongue is outside her mouth, licking her mouth area and chin.  It is gross.

So, obviously the foursome have to talk about how bad bad kissers are.

There's the clam mouth ("Get that thing out of my mouth, put it in a cab, and take its lazy ass home") the stabby pointy mouth, and well, Charlotte's boyfriend with his wandering tongue.

Sam sagely advises Charlotte to break up with him because a bad kisser is a non-negotiable.  (hence the title of the episode) She thinks she can retrain him.

Just then the chef at the restaurant where they are eating comes over to talk to the foursome about the delicious food she's been whipping up.  She is the master of fusion, trendy food with soul food.  For some reason the foursome applaud her after she tells them to take it down a notch.  I always found that odd:

"Hey ladies take it down, this is a respectable restaurant."

:applause:


Adeena, the chef, happens to be black (this is important to the plot) and her very attractive brother pops up chat with her sister-- and to flirt with Samantha.  They leave the scene, and Samantha gets all atwitter about her future lay.

Charlotte chides Sam for her "African American" talk, and Sam defends herself, "It's not black talk it's sex talk."

Charlotte seems to think it's rude and politically incorrect for Sam to flirt with a black man.

Everyone reminds her that Sam is rude and politically incorrect-- an equal opportunity offender.

"Exactly," Sam explains, "I don't see color. I see conquests."

(I HATE that phrase 'I don't see color' but I won't go into that here. shorthand snark: This show is so dated!)

I still don't understand what is so wrong about Sam's 'atwittering,' so I'm moving on.

--

Carrie is hanging out at home, she's settled in with coffee and fashion magazines when someone is knocking at her door.  It's her best gay friend Stanford!  He tells her to get dressed because there's a sexy new furniture designer in town that they need to scout.

Carrie doesn't want to go, until Stanford points out that he's straight and she says she'll get her purse.

"All these people with nothing better to do than to ogle some lowly craftsman? pathetic!" She jokes to Stanford.

She turns over a price tag and winces.  Stanny tells her that she can get a discount if she lies about being a designer.

Just then, Stanny points out Aiden somewhere on the other end of the store, and Narrator Carrie describes him. "His name was Aiden Shaw. He was warm, masculine and classic American, just like his furniture."

And then Carrie adds, "Jesus Christ, the dog is overkill."

[I just have to add that the writing on the show from this point on is near-perfection]

Stanford encourages Carrie to go get him, that he's perfect for her and ends with "I'll come visit you and the children at your country cabin upstate." (FORESHADOW)

Before she goes over to him and abandons her friend, Stanford points out a perfect, classic gay designer in the showroom. Carrie encourages Stanny to go get him: "I'll come and visit you and the swatches at your country cabin upstate."

That out of the way, Carrie walks over to the sexy furniture designer and is promptly humped by aforementioned dog.

"You should get that creature a chew toy!"

She flirts with him, and he is picking up what she's laying down. and vice versa.  Literally.  He takes her hand to run it down the back of a leather club chair, and "suddenly I had to have whatever it was I just felt"

The club chair in question costs nearly four thousand dollars, so Carrie whips out the lie Stanford prepped her with, and he gives her two discounts, the extra one was for the dog humping.

(ooh!  I never saw what she paid cause pencil and TV distance, but she gets a twelve hundred dollar discount on the chair!)

"How soon can it be delivered?"

"I can get it to you by the end of the week."

Narrator Carrie explains that in NYC retail lingo, that means "I kind of like you."

On what planet does "I can get it to you by the end of the week" mean THAT?! I've been furniture shopping wrong my whole life, that's for sure.

--

Steve is rampaging through Miranda's life at the moment, bouncing his basketball against her Ralph Lauren brand painted walls.  I just looked it up, and they were really just name dropping here.  I was thinking this paint must be so much more expensive than Behr, but it's exactly the same price and, at the time of filming, available from any Home Depot store.

Steve has news that is making him rampage!  He won a contest at Sam Goody (hey! remember those?!) where he gets to try for a million dollars-- if he sinks a half-court shot at a knicks  game.  He's thrilled! Miranda is significantly less excited.  She reminds him that it is a kind of hard shot and that he shouldn't get his hopes up and that he needs to stop bouncing his basketball against her walls.

what a downer!

Steve asks her nicely to come down to the playground to watch him shoot hoops and practice, and Miranda says that she is busy and can't today, but will another day.

This is about the time that Miranda begins her role as "Steve's Mother."  It isn't pretty.

She has to talk about it with Carrie while eating a cupcake.  I don't know about you, but people eating while they're talking in shows is gross, and people eating cupcakes while they're talking is EXTRA gross, the cake gets all caught in their throat and it makes their voices sound all deep and weird. grosses me right out.

You're welcome.

Carrie asks her why she can't just support her boyfriend, since that is what 'you people with boyfriends' do, and Miranda's like, "You're asking me?"

And Carrie has to talk about her new crush, Aiden, and how she bought a very expensive chair she didn't need from him because he was so cute.  Miranda says the chair is a write off since he asked her out.

Miranda says she's crush proof, since she hasn't had a crush since Shaun Cassidy. Carrie asks about her boyfriend, and I'm kinda on Miranda's side here-- you can date someone and not have a crush on them.  Crushes are juvenile. But anyway, Miranda thinks she's broken and asks if she's normal. "You're asking me?" Carrie responds.

--

Aiden and Carrie have a marvelous first date.  Near the end of it, they are sitting on her stoop, talking about stuff, flirting and being very friendly.  Then.

And then Carrie lights up a cigarette.

This is a clear non-negotiable for Aiden.  He doesn't date smokers. He is friendly about it, but is clearly drawing the line. It is a deal breaker.

She couldn't believe it.  She was crushed.

So bemused Carrie goes up to her little laptop to write about it.  Since when did dating get so dump-friendly?

(oh honey, just wait till the age of the internet when you can be dumped before you even MEET your date!!)
--
Meanwhile, Charlotte is trying again with Brad the bad kisser.  If you can believe it, he's gotten even worse.  She has to stop him from sucking on her chin to tell him he's a bad kisser.

"Come on! it's my thing!"   (god, he is such a guy!)
--
Stanny is on a date with the perfect gay-designer, Marty from a few scenes ago.  They've made it to Marty's bedroom and are about to do it! So exciting for Stanford! But his room is completely filled with expensive china dolls.  There are dolls on all the tables, on shelves and several on the bed.

They have to painstakingly move each doll-- and they can't go just anywhere: "No no no, the southern belle sits on the table!"  This is going to be a problem, I think.

On their next date, oh about ten scenes from now, Stanford and Marty get so excited in their passion, they *don't* move the dolls and one of the dolls' faces ends up shattered on the floor.  Poor Marty.  He breaks it off with Stanny immediately.  A broken face is a non-negotiable.
--

Sam continues dating Chivon, Adeena's brother. They are actually eating dinner at Adeena's restaurant.  She comes over to chat with her brother, and find an excuse to get him out of the scene.  Then the true Adeena comes out.  She doesn't want Samantha dating him because she is white.

Samantha doesn't let Adeena stop her.

She complains (in vivid "African American" talk) to her friends about how Adeena can't tell her to to date. Charlotte thinks she should back down, and Carrie thinks she should stick to her guns.  Carrie compares Adeena and her deal-breaker, to Carrie choosing cigarettes over Aiden.

Woah, woah, woah! Says everyone at the table (and the audience).

"You're choosing cigarettes over a cute guy?" Miranda voices everyone's opinion.

"He's not that cute." Carrie maintains.

"You bought furniture he was so cute!"

Carrie rationalizes that it wasn't OK for Aiden to dump her over a little thing like smoking, and Sam and Charlotte remind her that it isn't a little thing, and she's killing herself and they only put up with it cause they love her.

And Carrie, rightly, feels attacked.

But.

But he is really cute.

This is around the time that Carrie tells her second, third and fourth lies to Aiden.

She lies that she only has a cigarette occasionally, like with cocktails. (and also waiting for a first kiss on a first date?)

Aiden reconsiders and decides to close up shop to go out with her immediately to get some coffee.

"The second I heard him say coffee I knew I kind of wanted a cigarette" Says Narrator Carrie.

"I'd love it," Carrie says out loud.

The date lasts MUCH longer than she was expecting-- at least without a cigarette break-- and she is sweating bullets out there waiting for an out so she can go smoke her emergency stashed cigarette.  But just then he just looks so cute, inviting her to dinner, and she thinks about how much she is willing to give up for a cigarette.
--

Steve is at it again with the basketball.  He's there to remind Miranda that she promised to go to playground with him to watch him shoot hoops.

She is busy again, and he loses it.  "I ask you to do one thing for me one time for me and you can't do it, wtf is that?!"

"wtf is with the attitude?"

"Do you know how many law things I've been to? How many times I do what you want?"

"Why are you getting so upset, it's just a stupid half-court shot?!"

"Not to me it's not!" (beat-- in the form of him throwing his basketball and retrieving it) "Why do you always have to be so pessimistic you can't make that shot? ...It's not just the shot it's everything... If this is ever gonna work I need you to believe in us a little more. I need you to believe in me even if you do think it is fucking stupid."






And finally, finally Miranda gets it and she shows up for Steve.  He misses his practice shot, and eventually misses the contest shot, but she showed up for him and that was almost better than winning a million dollars.

d'aww.
--

 Sam is out dancing with Chivon, having a ball and getting on with his friends.  Out of nowhere pops Adeena, out for blood.  She tells Sam to leave, and Sam stands her ground yet again.

"Adeena I'm a lovely person. At least get to know me first and then you can hate me."

(Well, at least she's honest)

Adeena is adamant that it isn't a game, that she is concerned about her brother and doesn't want him dating a white person, that Sam will never really understand because it's a black thing.

Sam almost buys it, starts to leave and reminds herself that she doesn't let anyone tell her who she can and cannot date-- she says almost exactly that to Adeena who shouts at her to get her little white ass out of the club and away from her brother.

Sam then criticizes her food, and pokes her hard in the shoulder and turns to walk away.  That's when Adeena grabs her by the hair and pulls it.


Chivon shows up to break up the fight.

Later on, while breaking up with Sam, Chivon says that she didn't have to criticize his sisters food.

Sam walks away from him-- unwilling to be with someone who won't stand up to his sister, which is a major deal breaker to her.

--

"7 hours into the world's longest date," Carrie is shaking like a chihuahua,"all I could think was five more minutes and I can dump this bozo and smoke the emergency cigarette hidden in my purse."

The waitress comes by to ask if they'd like a dessert menu, Carrie is trying to say no, but Aiden does want to take a look and it's too much for her and she flies out of there so fast she forgets her jacket on the back of her seat.

Outside the restaurant, she flings the cigarette so fast that it lands in the gutter.  She is absolutely desperate, so she kneels down, picks it out of the puddle, pinches off the wet part and lights it up anyway.

"Carrie. We got a little problem."

oops.

In the last scene, Narrator Carrie is narrating Carrie dumping the last of her cigarettes in the toilet.

"In the end I really did it for me... I just hope he's worth it."

Excellent Episode! Until next time!

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Season 3 Episode 4: boy, girl, boy, girl

I realized sometime this week that I never recapped exactly what happened to Sam in her story line from the last episode.  I don't know why, I must have just forgotten in my keenness to finish off the episode.

Well, it is good.  Or bad.  I'm gonna go with bad, having ten years to dwell on the episode and exactly what it entails about Sam.  Like, she legit should have had charges pressed on her, but I'm getting ahead of myself:

Sam ends up getting her massage with the cute masseuse in the hopes of getting some action.  Halfway through the massage, the guy is still asking if the pressure is OK (that is weird, tbh, I've had dozens of massages and after the first few minutes they do their own thing).  Sam realizes that their time together is almost done, so she grabs him by the genitals and provocatively asks if it is OK.

It's most definitely not OK.

Like, not in any world is that OK.  LEGIT SEXUAL ASSAULT.

In the following scene, the manager of the Spa is speaking with him and Sam about how they don't tolerate that kind of behavior and that she is blacklisted from spa. (good start).  Sam defends herself by ratting out the masseuse, claiming that if he can randomly go down on some women, that he should randomly go down on her.

Nice Gal (tm) alert.

Needless to say, he was fired.

And the ladies whom he went down on approached Sam at the Women In The Arts luncheon.  They were pissed that she got him fired.

Sometimes this show is so weird, it's like it's written by aliens.

---


Anyway.  On to the next episode.  This episode is probably my VERY least favorite episode.  I can't watch it anymore without getting pissed about every. single. detail.

It is the bisexual episode.  And it features some very awful, wrong, and dated views on the subject.  And it is annoying because it isn't that hard to get right.  Biphobia is fucking annoying.  (I say this as a proud bisexual)

So, let's start, shall we?

Charlotte's gallery is featuring photography by her future date-of-the-week of women dressing like men.  And it's supposedly controversial.  The foursome are talking about how it would be fun to pretend to be men, or something.  It is all very make-believe to them and rife with 'othering' that I'm sure annoys some trans person as much as the bisexual stuff annoys me.

The photographer seems to be the only person in the room with his head on straight (heh).  He talks to Charlotte about how essentially everyone has dual genders in them, that gender itself is a social construct, an illusion.

He wants to photograph Charlotte as a man, and I did always like that she went along with it.  It does her good to step outside of her narrow viewpoint occasionally.

Carrie meanwhile is going on a date with a bisexual man.  And this is a problem to her.  She says to him that it isn't, but of course it is.  Actually, the foursome first complain about how young he is.  They are against the twenty-somethings again.  I thought we were over this in the last season. It's funny when they complain about twenty somethings, because now and when this aired, the thirty somethings and twenty somethings are all lumped together in a generation we all like to call "gen X" and it is the teenagers coming up back then are what they call "gen Y"-- but are what we like to call "the millenials"

It just shows that is all very confusing that generations are divided by 20 years, because as this episode rightly points out, the generation gap never seemed so wide.  And they are supposedly in the same generation.

I totally relate to what they are talking about though. As a late-twenty-something, I'm grouped with the teenagers coming up now.  I don't relate to them AT ALL.  I am OLD.  I have a house and kids.  I am essentially a 40 year-old in an almost-30 year old's body.


ANYWAY.

Tag, uh, I mean Sean takes Carrie ice skating.  Which is a fantastic date idea, but Carrie is lame and doesn't like to skate. Afterward, He talks about his past relationships, including one with a guy, and Carrie just mentally flips out.

Her friends are aghast that she didn't have some clue, since he did take her ice skating (geez, what's wrong with ice skating?), and they definitely see it as a problem.  Since, you know, bisexuality doesn't exist, it's a "layaway on the way to gay town."







In fact, this whole scene can be found in the dictionary next to "bi erasure."  I don't want to have a stroke, so let's just say it's horribly offensive and completely wrong.


Rather than just accepting Tag, uh I mean Sean for his honest sexuality, Carrie decides to overthink it.  In her little laptop she writes about whether the opposite sex has become obsolete.  There she goes again, conflating sex with gender with sexual orientation.  She's a sexual anthropologist for fucks sake.

Moving on.

Miranda is having a difficult time with her boyfriend Steve.  He's always over at her place, watching shows and leaving clothes there.  He's essentially moved in, but he's not. And this is an important distinction. For Miranda. Miranda is being the stereotypical "guy" about it.  (you know, so it ties into the episode)

She complains to Carrie about how she's not a girly girl and doesn't put hearts over her i's or wear make-up to the gym and she's not excited about the prospect of her boyfriend moving in.

Are these things really related?  It says more about her relationship with Steve and how she has misgivings than it does about whether she feels like she identifies with her gender.

I do think this episode could have done a lot more to explore this issue, especially with Miranda, because she isn't feminine in the typical sense.  They seem to go a lot further with Charlotte and her 'sock in the pants,' but it isn't good enough.

Being a woman means more than being nurturing or wearing fucking make-up to the gym.  Gender is a spectrum, and the show comes SO CLOSE to just saying that outright, but then they get caught up in a bunch of garbage ideas about sexuality and the point just gets missed or omitted.

blarg.

Carrie can't stay away from Tag, uh I mean Sean.  She goes on a more traditional date with him to a dance club.  They compare generational notes, apparently 'groovy' is cool.  And I'm down with the lingo.

At one point Tag, uh I mean Sean is looking around and Carrie asks if he's checking out that guy over there.  Tag, uh I mean Sean, assures her that he was just looking for the bathroom and that he's not an asshole.

See?  This has less to do with bisexuality and more to do with Carrie's crippling insecurities.  (course, Big did not help her with that at all)

After fucking on her floor, she asks him which gender he prefers, and he tells her to stop being a nincompoop.

--

At the photo shoot, Charlotte is having trouble acting like a man. I can't look at her now without thinking of Leslie Knope and her high-powered political haircut:


The photographer claims he can get it out of her, and she boldly asks for a bigger sock. Then she pretty much falls on top of him and fucks him on the floor of his studio.  It's hot.

Course, once she gets the photo from him, she's too cowardly to call him again.  "She might be that type of man, but she could never be that type of woman."

--

Miranda finally talks to Steve honestly about her misgivings about him moving in.  She's afraid that he'll see all her little flaws: stinky sink sponge, not doing the laundry promptly, etc.  She's a little frantic actually since she came in her apartment with a paper bag full of groceries.  She's meant to make him dinner and instead ends up dropping a whole jar of marinara on the floor.

Steve assures her that he also drops things and can be messy too.  Oh boy, can he ever. :cough: skid marks :cough:

Miranda finally gets to the heart of the whole thing.  She doesn't know if she can move forward, but she doesn't want to lose him.

"I'm not going anywhere." Steve says while holding her close.


"I'm crying on your shoulder.  Jesus I guess I really am a woman."

--

Carrie and Tag-- uh I mean Sean, go to a party of Sean's friends.  They're all twenty-something and Carrie looks about like this trying to fit in with them:




J/K, she doesn't even try to "get it."  Course, the "getting it" in question is the guests sexuality.  Which is a little confusing, I'll give her that. Everyone at the party is either gay or bi, and pretty much all of them dated each other.  It kinda feels like when I walk into a conversation and young people these days use the term "pansexual."


On the other hand, a quick googling and a conversation with said young person can go a long way toward just accepting that over time people are becoming much more likely to be LGBT in one sense or another. I've said for years that I think everyone is at least a little bi.  Openness about all this can only make us healthier as people.

One of the guests flashes an empty wine bottle and says it's time to play spin the bottle.

oh, it's *that* kind of party is it?


So a few rounds go by, there's some smooching, sexy guest-star Alanis Morrisette gets the next turn. She starts the bottle as Carrie is lighting up her cigarette.  It lands on her.

"Whoops, it's a girl!  Try again!" (Carrie is playing 7th grade rules of Spin the Bottle)

"It's OK."

"Of course it was OK, I was in Alice in confused sexual orientation land" Narrator Carrie reminds us how horrible she is.

REMINDER: SHE IS A SEXUAL ANTHROPOLOGIST

Alanis leans in across the circle and- be still my heart- they kiss.

(For those of you keeping track, 3/4 of the foursome have now had a lesbian experience)

 But Carrie doesn't enjoy it like I enjoy it.  She gets up from the circle on the floor, claims she's out of cigarettes and then leaves the party.  Narrator Carrie talks about how the young people are so young and that's why they are bisexual and she's "too old for these games."



Alright!  That's the episode!  Thanks for reading!