Season 3 Episode 17 What Goes Around Comes Around

This episode proves exactly how selfish and awful Carrie is.  I know, I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again.

It is about karma and cosmic retribution.

I don't need to go into detail about how I feel about this. Essentially, can't we all just be good for *goodness* sake?  And sometimes bad shit happens.  :shrugs:

This episode starts out with Charlotte at her mother-in-law's estate. The menfolk are playing tennis while the women are sitting around waiting to play.

"She's wearing pastels, it's Whites only."

Charlotte is the she in question.  Oh, you hyper-rich folk and your ridiculous rules.

Charlotte takes the hint and goes to change out of her so-close-to-white-it-tricked-even-me pastel clothes.  Narrator Carrie explains that after a few failed attempts with the sex, Trey had given up on their sex life.  Charlotte is expected to be OK with this. On the way back to the house, she sees a sweaty, muscled gardener tending to a beautiful  copse of red roses.

"beautiful... roses"  Yeah, sure Char.  You were complimenting his *roses.*

Charlotte talks to the foursome about his *roses* at lunch in the next scene.  But there, coming from the other side of the restaurant is Natasha!  One look at Carrie, and she fumes and leaves the restaurant.

Carrie makes it all about her.

No really.  "I can't believe there's a person in New York that could hate me that much!"

Uh, Carrie?  You slept with her husband.  She has a right to be angry at you.

Sam tells her that someone told her that Natasha and Big were done-zo. 

On the way home, or shopping or whatever, Carrie ends up sort of lost and someone mugs her!

They even steal her -shoes!-

She runs barefoot into the nearest business, a barbershop, and announces that she's been robbed and no one moves or seems to care.

"I've been robbed?"

Miranda shows up after a beat with spare shoes.  They aren't cute.  Rather than just say "thank you," she says she can't wear them.

I would eyeroll, but adding insult to injury at this point is just mean.

Miranda meanwhile, is being flirted at by the very cute and very sexy officer on the scene. She is kind of amazed, since she doesn't think she's cute or flirt-able.  He asks her out, and she's flummoxed.

On the night of the big date, she has trouble even getting dressed, since nothing in her closet goes with 'hunk.'  She chats on the phone with Carrie about it while her date is waiting in her living room.  Carrie postulates that it might just be Karma, or the universes way of throwing her a bone(r).

You get it gurl!

(yeah, I didn't think I could pull that line off either)

---

Samantha's storyline is odd.  She keeps getting phone calls from friends of someone named "Sam Jones" and apparently he's some guy throwing a party somewhere.  She wants to go to the party, and she also wants to tell Sam Jones to stop his friends from calling her.

How exactly are they getting Samantha's number, btw?  Doesn't he give his friends his phone number?  I'm so confused about this.  Did all these people really go looking for their friend's phone number in the white pages?

*and the really important question, do they even print the white pages anymore?

She ends up going with Carrie down to where the "fabulous" party is and finds out that its in a dorm.  oop.  She decides to confront young Sam Jones about all the phone calls.  He, for some reason, drunkenly tells her that he's a virgin and, for some reason, Samantha decides it's the universes way of telling her that she should take Sam Jones' virginity.

It's very odd.

He ends up absolutely obsessed with her.  Calling her constantly, and saying that he's in love with her.  At the end of her story, he comes to her apartment, and bashes his fist against her door over and over and over again shouting "I love you Sam Jones!"

It's scary, tbh.

While Carrie and Sam are leaving that hot party a few scenes ago, Carrie ends up getting pushed while on the stairs and falling and bleeding a bit.  She remembers that a similar thing happened to Natasha and decides it's the universes way of telling her that she needs to have a conversation explaining herself to Natasha.

---

Charlotte meanwhile is absolutely plagued by sex dreams of the sexy gardener.  She's thrown all caution to the wind and is currently banging *her own head* against the headboard.

Well, if Trey's not going to take you there, you might as well take you there yourself.

Unfortunately, Trey wakes her up thinking that she's having a nightmare.

waaah waaah

While back at Bunny's estate--

pictured: Bunny

Charlotte casually, most definitely not on purpose, finds her way in the path of the gardener.  She flirts with him pretty heavily, you know, for her, and he flirts right back.  He gives her one of his beautiful roses and then leans in and they kiss.  hot.

But unfortunately, her sister-in-law happened to be walking around the estate and sees her in the act.

oop.

She reveals what she's seen to the entire group that evening over cocktails.

"You're a McDougal now!" Bunny says as she puts the wrong end of her cigarette in her mouth.  It is so funny and cute of her.  I'm pretty sure that's the last time I have anything remotely funny and positive to say about Bunny for the rest of her tenure.

Trey looks so hurt.

She catches him late late that night playing tennis on his own in his underwear.  He is processing it the only way he knows how, that is, playing tennis late at night in his underwear.

He doesn't want to have to look the other way, and she doesn't want to have urges to kiss the gardener.

Honey, I am not sure that anything Trey does could keep any of us from having impure thoughts about the gardener.  That's just wack.

(Yeah, I didn't think I could pull that line off either)

Charlotte insists that she doesn't want a man who'll just look the other way, that she thinks they ought to separate when they get back to the city.

He just says "alrighty"

--
Miranda ends up going on another date with the sexy officer.  She realizes halfway through the date that everyone in the restaurant is looking at him like he's for dinner.  She fantasizes that everyone is also looking at *her* like she doesn't deserve to be with such a hot stud.

To cope, she ends up drinking at least two double vodka martinis, fucking him aggressively back at her place, and waking up with a hangover.

He has left in the middle of the night, but has also left her a note with a number her the local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter.

Poor Miranda.
--

Despite doing everything she could to avoid Carrie, Natasha finds her lunch date interrupted by Carrie. She's absolutely, rightfully, livid.

"I have to talk to you." Carrie says

"I'm going to scream." Natasha announces.

"Oh don't, I'm only going to stay a minute" Carrie says.  Then she takes a very long awkward gulp of water from Natasha's guest's water glass.  OK, to be fair he hadn't shown up yet, but still.  wth, Carrie?

"I heard about your marriage," Carrie begins, "And it's just so terrible. I never, never meant for any of this to happen and if there was something I could do to take it all away, I would. But I can't. So I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Natasha asks, "are you through?"

"yes. thank you for listening." then Carrie gets up to go

"Wait. I'm sorry too." Natasha is shooting daggers.

"you are?" Carrie asks

"Yes, I'm sorry about it all.  I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch. I guess that's just what I had to say."

savage.

After another awkward pause, her date shows up.  She kisses him on the cheek as Carrie is walking away.

Narrator Carrie then goes on to talk about "the karmic chain of events that put Natasha back on the single's market. As if single women in New York didn't have it hard enough."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?

Like, sure, she sounded real remorseful when talking to Natasha about how sorry she is, but what the fuck does Natasha being single have to do with anything?  Carrie feels bad because Natasha is *single*?

"...and somewhere out there Big was alone again. the Universe may not always play fair but at least it's got a hellavu sense of humor."

What the hell is she going on about?

 I don't have enough eyeball to roll it as much as I want to.

And to recap the recap, Carrie is selfish because she didn't go to Natasha to apologize for Natasha, she went to apologize for *herself.* She doesn't feel bad about what she did because it was wrong, but because she's afraid of karma kicking her ass again.

selfish twit.

In the next episode, Carrie decides she wants the roosters crowing on the roof of the vet's office near her apartment to stay there. Then changes her mind, calls the vet to ask them to move the animals and then wonders what happened to the roosters.

no really.

It is so fucking stupid.  I can't wait!

Season 3 Episode 16 Frenemies

This episode feels like we're back to normal Sex and the City. No one's pretending they're 13, and Carrie finally gets shamed for calling herself a relationship guru.

If I were to name this episode ala Friends, I would call it "The one with all the Assholes."

It begins with Miranda waiting patiently for her blind date to show up.  This is the scene where she calls Carrie to complain that she hasn't been stood up since she's 27 and I won't go into that whole grammar black hole again.

((but seriously, does anyone say since "I am age?" when they aren't that age anymore?))

She's really upset though. He is clearly a no-show. She got all dressed up in a really pretty, flattering, orange and gray dress.  She is about to give in and have dinner out of the freezer when she asks Carrie out.  Carrie can't go out because she chose Friday night to get in her 3 hour work week.  How is she always on deadline?  She writes one article a week. To be fair, she's preparing for her lecture that she's teaching in the morning.  Maybe she should have spent more time on it. More on that in a bit.

So, Miranda, bolstered by her pretty dress and being a mature 30-something, decides to call up her date and give him a piece of her mind.  He doesn't answer.  His mother does.  She's about to rail into her when mother interrupts to say that her son died today.

So, I think he's excused from the blind date.  And for some reason she agrees to go to his wake.

---

Charlotte and Trey are meanwhile learning to have sex on each other.  It is rather unsuccessful, and Charlotte is getting very frustrated.

At breakfast the next day with the foursome, they have a great exchange.  Sam has invited the foursome to go to some great new club, Samba, next weekend.

Sam: "I could only get us a four-top.  do you think Trey would mind staying home?"

Charlotte: "No. He doesn't seem up for much these days."

Carrie: "Charlotte, is everything OK?"

Charlotte: "We've been trying, you know, to--" :gesticulates with hands:

Sam: "Fuck?"

Charlotte: "Whatever. And it's just not--" :embarrassed facial expression:

Sam: "Getting big and hard?"

Carrie: "What is this, dirty Mad Libs?"

Then Charlotte shamefully admits that she almost masturbated, but she didn't, cause she's so fucking repressed.

Sam jokes, "Hey, You almost masturbated, Trey almost got it up, together you almost had sex!"

Then they have a small, serious conversation about how masturbation is normal and she shouldn't feel ashamed.

Charlotte even points out the ridiculous double standard she's holding herself to, that he can read porn and masturbate all he wants, but she is ashamed to.

 

Then Sam wisely points out that Trey has a classic Madonna/Whore complex about his wife.  He doesn't see her as a sexual plaything but as a virginal wife, and it is so unhealthy I just want to scream.  I admire Sam's delicate touch.

--

That night, Carrie is teaching a seminar on how to meet men.

OK, not fair I know.  This is *just* before that becomes a thing.

She gets completely caught off guard when the women in the audience ask for -specifics- in how to meet men.  How very dare they! Because in preparation, Carrie had just written up a witty introduction and that was it.

She's the WORST.

Later that evening while writing in her little laptop, she wonders if maybe it's her single status that makes her unqualified to teach the women how to meet men. I don't think that's it.  I mean, look at Sam.  She meets men all the time.

---

Carrie decides to go to the wake with Miranda to support her friend.  It is nice of her.  Miranda laments the fact that even in his early thirties, he had made preparations for his own demise.  I know this is nit picking, but how would she honestly know if he had this all planned out?  It sounds like he was successful, and his mother is still alive, so someone was available to take care of his affairs, I doubt he planned his funeral.

Either way, everyone is freaked out.  It isn't typical of successful people to just drop dead at thirty. At the gym even.

I bet it was drugs.

Just sayin'.

Even in a room full of strangers, Carrie knows someone.  It's her old boyfriend, Jim.  He seems funny and outgoing, and very friendly to Miranda.  Carrie is really standoffish, and Miranda asks why as he's off getting them drinks.

Turns out, he's an asshole.

Well, he became one after they broke up.  An important distinction. Miranda is still shaken about losing her most recent date to pharmaceuticals, and asks if Carrie would mind if she went out with Jim.

Carrie doesn't mind, but she can't say she didn't warn her.

---

Charlotte is beyond frustrated about her husband.  And Sam has absolutely no tact when discussing getting lucky. At their next breakfast together, Sam is gloating and Charlotte finally boils over.

"I'm telling you, we almost broke the bed!" Gloats Sam.

"You can't break a bed." Charlotte hisses.

Miranda teases, "What does this stallion do for a living?"

"I'm not sure." Sam says.

"Hey does he go to Mickey Mantle's?" Carrie is still upset that she had no valuable advice for her critics.

"You got me." Sam clearly doesn't want details about his life.

"How can you not know anything about him? You slept with him." Straight-laced Charlotte interjects.

"I fucked him. He made me come six times. That's good enough for me."

"Stop it! Why do you always have to talk about sex like that?!"

"

 Pictured: Charlotte

"Because I can!" Sam is adamant

Charlotte goes on to lecture Sam on how sex is something special between two people who love each other and blah blah blah.

Sam holds her own.  She's not going to be lectured by a woman who's just jealous.

"OMG, you're such a-" Charlotte begins to slut shame

"A what? What am I Charlotte?"

"When are you gonna learn that you can't sleep with everything that comes along!?"

"Hey Mrs. Softie, at least I'm getting laid!" ooo.  low blow.

Charlotte leaves and Sam yells at her that she can forget Samba.

The other two are hiding behind their menus, they are not getting involved.  Sam finds their avoidance offensive and disinvites them from Samba too!

so there!

--

Later on, Carrie takes Charlotte shopping for sexy underwear.  They are at the sleaziest lingerie shop ever.  Carrie points out that maybe they should be shopping somewhere upscale, like La Perla. I definitely agree, but Charlotte does not--  she wants to be someone else in this endeavor. Sounds... healthy.

"I wanna be 'call girl meets Park Avenue.'" Charlotte explains.

"Then you're gonna need to pair that with a nice, little cardigan." Carrie is always joking about serious things.  It may eventually turn her friends off-- oop, spoke a minute too soon.

Charlotte asks her to take this seriously, that she needs Trey to see her sexually.  Carrie tells her that she isn't sure that she wants to see Charlotte sexually and that this is much more a "Samantha job."

Charlotte needs a break from Sam, and Carrie points out that Samantha wasn't the only one ruining her breakfast.

Christ, she is so selfish.

Charlotte, rightfully, tells her that she doesn't need any lectures from her friends.  And Carrie is left feeling like a failure.

--
Miranda has a great first date with Jim.  Although, based on their dialogue, you wouldn't know it.  If someone new to me were talking about how in the past they were in a band called "uncle ted's ass" I wouldn't be inclined to kiss them in between sentences.

Miranda later gushes to Carrie about how nice and sweet Jim is and that maybe in the last 8 years he's changed. She invites her to come out with her and Jim, and Carrie begrudgingly agrees.

The third wheeling doesn't go very well at all.  Jim can't contain his assholishness, rubbing into Carrie about how much of a shoe-shopping, asshole, non-supportive girlfriend she was.

On the other hand:

Miranda defends Carrie, and they both leave. He can't contain himself and yells at them that they are such assholes.

Carrie can't help it. "I told you so. I TOLD you so."

Miranda quips, "You're such an asshole."

--

Charlotte decides that her friends are all terrible, so she has a lunch with her old friends from her old Sorority, Kappa Kappa Gamma.  They are exactly like Charlotte: friendly, sweet and woefully repressed.

Woman #1: "Congratulations on your wedding! Welcome to the married old gals club!"
 Woman #2: "He is so handsome, oh my god. I would like to trade my husband in for him, please."

Everyone titters like she said something funny.  Charlotte is feeling awkward, and is currently getting day-drunk. She thinks that maybe they'll understand her plight.  You know, cause they're married.

Woman #3: "I remember being a newlywed. We hardly ever got out of bed."

Woman #1 chides Woman #3 for being so crass.

uh, Charlotte, I think you may have the wrong audience for this.

"My husband can't get it up."

 She downs the rest of her third Martini, as the others look on in horror.

"I'm so frustrated."

"Charlotte?" Woman #2 tries to stop the outpouring.  oh no oh no, here it comes.

"I mean, don't you ever just want to be really pounded hard? you know? Like when the bed is moving all around and it's all sweaty and your head is knocking up against the headboard and you feel like it might just blow off? Dammit I just really want to be fucked, you know? Just really fucked!"

Narrator Carrie summarizes nicely, "The only heads blowing off were those of Kappa Kappa Grandma"

"Charlotte," Woman #1 begins, "This is really inappropriate."
Woman #2 continues, "yeah we're eating."
"What's wrong with you, Charlotte. You're such a--" Woman #3 echos Charlotte's earlier sentiments about Sam.
"What? What am I Woman #3?" That's literally what she says.

Then Charlotte leaves, realizing that her old college friends had become 'frenemies'.

Frenemies though? Is that the right word? Sam and Charlotte are frenemies, sure.  They are quintessential frenemies-- what with their opposing view-points on, well, nearly everything. These women are uptight assholes, and not even remotely on Charlotte's side about anything.

--
As for Sam, she'd abandoned her friends in search of new, shinier friends elsewhere.  Well, actually she has a run-in with a woman who's probably a very good approximation of who Sam will be in about 20 years.  They immediately hit it off and decide to have drinks together.

While at the bar they see two, young, hot men who seem interested in the blonde women.  Sam cuddles up with one of them, while Old Sam decides that she wants to blow the other guy under the table.

This is just entirely too much for Sam.  She knocks on the table to let Old Sam know she is leaving.  You can faintly hear Old Sam beckon through the dick in her mouth that she's coming too, but Sam has already left.

Samantha learns that even though she is a lot more liberal than any of her friends, she actually does have a little Charlotte in her.

And don't we all wish we had a little Charlotte in us?

Speaking of.

Charlotte has put on a very sexy see-through number for her husband.  Even though it goes right down to the floor, Trey can literally see every detail.

And for some ungodly reason he doesn't like it.

"What in God's name are you wearing?" Trey asks.

"It's supposed to be sexy."

"C'mon Charlotte, you're my wife. That's not you. Take that off."

"Fine." And she does. She bares all right in front of him.

"Charlotte." He ignores the sexy, naked, woman standing there in favor of a book.

"Look at me." She demands. He does. Reluctantly.

"This is me. I'm not a Madonna, and I'm not a whore. I'm your wife and I'm sexual and I love you."

And then she starts touching herself.

damn.

He finally gets the memo, and they finally do it. For a full minute and a half before the wind dies.

Afterward, she calls Sam.

"He fucked me."

"That's great! Did you come?"

"Samantha!!"

Who else but Sam!

They're back to being friends and the universe is back in the right order.

--

Carrie is steeling herself, preparing for another lecture. Unfortunately for her, word has gotten out about how terrible she is, and there are only a handful of women present.

She actually has learned something though. Rather than go through her quippy little spiel again, she invites the women out for a drink at a bar in order to meet men in meatspace.

:nods:  good deal.

And that's the end!

Till next time!

Season 3 Episode 15 Hot Child in the City

For some reason, I feel like this is one of my least favorite episodes and I can't figure out why. It feels a bit different, I think, but some of the scenes-- especially with Trey and Charlotte are gold.

Maybe I'll just skip the childish escapades of Carrie this time, and the unlikely scenario where Miranda gets braces for the episode and has them taken off before the end of it, and Sam dealing with several risque 13-year-olds talking about blow jobs, and just spend some time talking about how hilarious it is that Charlotte suggests "Canoe" as a nickname for Trey's John Thomas.

No go?

Ok.  Well, I'm not going over Miranda's story again.  That's like, top 5 unrealistic plot lines in the whole run of the thing.

Can I also mention how absolutely crazy it is that at the time this episode aired for the first time, I was about 13 years old.

So, the episode starts off with Sam at work.  She's dealing with a very young client who has way too much money to spend on a bat mitzvah party.  Like, shockingly too much money.

People should not have this much money.

1 million dollar budget for a kid's birthday party?

Sam's actually jealous of this girl. And I mean, I guess I get it a little bit? But before she even gets to the topic of kids growing up too fast, I already feel bad for her.  Not *that* bad of course, and I am having a difficult time explaining what I mean.  I think never hearing the word 'no' is damaging to a person.  When and if she ever gets cut off from daddy's money, she's going to be a world of pain.

That certainly was lighthearted!

The foursome have lunch at a hip new joint featuring haute cafeteria cuisine, whatever that is.  Like, really? They serve the food on a tray and you walk back to your seat with it and that is somehow different from other restaurants where they serve food on a tray and you walk back to your seat with it.

There's a guy checking out Miranda so Carrie writes her name and phone number on a piece of paper and hands it to the guy.  It's embarrassing.  And it's meant to be.  They're acting like teenagers, eating food in a cafeteria, writing notes to cutie cute boys, and talking about getting braces.

Later on, Carrie accidentally finds herself in a comic book store.  She's looking for her shoe guy and instead finds the young owner of the comic book store, Wade.  He's talking to her a bit too familiarly for someone who was just asked where the previous shop owner went. She don't curr about comic books.  They're for boys anyway.

He name drops all of *two* lady super heroes to prove that girls can read comic books too.  Carrie's not convinced either.

He's also a comic-book artist.  He shows her his rather shoddy comic called Power-Lad.  She asks about it, and he describes the plot to the movie "Sky High," and come to think of it one other made-for-TV Disney movie with the same plot. Essentially, son of superhero waiting for his powers to kick in.

In light of the name, Carrie refers to him as Power Lad, and so I'm going to call him Power Wade.  You know what's cool about Power Wade?  He has electrolytes which is what plants crave!

The following week, she gets an absolutely brilliant comic of herself in the mail from Power Wade.  I don't think he actually drew it though, based on the art from his comic book.  And how'd he even get her address?? Stalker alert!

She does call him, and they go on a date to a trendy new bar with *expensive* video games in it.  So, Dave and Busters essentially?

Those New Yorkers, really on trend.

Rather than take a cab or the subway home, Power Wade pulls out a razor scooter.  Classy.  He only brought one, so he let's her have a go.  She normally doesn't like to go home with men on the first date, but he brags about air conditioning and she is on it.  The apartment is huge and fancee (with two e's)

How can he afford such luxurious accommodations as a failing comic book store owner? 

Oop, there's his mother.

He lives at home.

Awkward.

Sam tells Carrie that she should dump him immediately.  Carrie balks that he's trying to save for his own place, but can't afford it.  fair enough, tbh.

Miranda shows up with her braces and her friends are so fucking shallow I can't even.  She's your friend, and it doesn't help her to hear "are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you" not because getting braces hurts, but because she has them at all and they are unsightly.

Seriously, what jerks.

They get served dom perignon, a gift from Sam's 13-year-old client and it's pretty much the last straw for Sam.

The gaggle of 13-year-olds shows up, and one of the girls has blue bits on her braces

Miranda asks if her braces are blue, and the girl responds, "No, they're sapphires. Oh my god, look you have the old-fashioned kind! I didn't know they made those anymore." and it makes Miranda have a sad.  D:  talk about adding insult to injury.

"Her braces are Sapphire." Miranda says after the girls leave. "I'm a 34-year-old nerd."

--

Let's talk about Charlotte and Trey, shall we?

Charlotte recently went looking on the internet for solutions to impotence.  The first thing she finds is a penis implant which makes Trey blanch when he looks at it.  Trey suggests marriage counseling and I'm like finally.  Finally.  Actually talk about your issues.  Finally.

Only, the guy they find is kind of a quack.

It's painfully hilarious to watch.

The psychologist starts off by trying to introduce an easier, non-threatening, way to talk about sex by renaming their sexual organs.  Charlotte isn't sure she understands so he gives an example:

"One client rather whimsically dubbed his anus the chocolate starfish."

"Are you quite sure you went to Yale?" Trey ribs.

Charlotte decides that her cunt should be called "Rebecca" and Trey tries to poo poo that. He doesn't want to play along.

"Why on earth would you call it Rebecca?"

"Cause it sounds nice and I've always liked the name.  Now you name yours."

"This is preposterous."

He is beyond caring at this point and even though the exercise *is* really stupid, it is telling that he isn't willing to play along.

The psychologist combats his negativity, and Charlotte remembers that he likes to sail so she suggests 'Canoe.'

"Canoe doesn't go with Rebecca."

"Well what then?"

"How about Schooner."

"Schooner's good!" Charlotte exclaims, "Rebecca and Schooner! Schooner's good, right?"

"That's very good. Very good." The psychologist is a little too into this.

 He tells them that for homework they have to tell each other a sexual fantasy while in bed together that night.

I'm just gonna type out their fantasies right now, shall I?

Charlotte's:

"I'm a fairy princess in a forest and I'm riding on a unicorn, when suddenly I see you, a pirate in buckskins. A prince in disguise. And that's when you pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your Schooner deep inside my Rebecca."

"Now you," she asks, "Where are you?"

"I'm in hell."

 Trey goes on to talk about how embarrassing this whole thing is.  He pleads with her to accept the fact that he's not that sexual a person. Charlotte is desperate for him to try, "but, we love each other and we're married now. Rebecca and Schooner belong to each other, they need each other. Please!"

Like, the whole situation is sad, but those names man.

So funny.

Later on, she hears something from the bathroom.  Mr "Not that sexual of a guy" is jerking off to a magazine.

Back to the Psychologist!

Dr Quack tries to wax optimistic about it.  "Trey was masturbating to 'Juggs.' At least we know he isn't gay."

Charlotte is still hurt, and Trey is still passing it off as 'tension release': "Excuse me. What exactly is the problem here? It was tension release with a magazine. It had nothing whatsoever to do with my wife."

God, he's so fucking clueless.

Dr Quack points out that maybe he should start to include his wife in his sexual fantasies.

Charlotte uses her rejected wedding photos, cutting and pasting her face onto the girls' faces in his magazine.  He has to take a beat when he sees them

--But decides that he guesses she's hot enough to fap to.  he guesses. maybe.

---

Miranda has one final moment of embarrassment about her braces.  She's at work, reading a brief to the room full of people, and two of them are laughing about something with each other.  She assumes they're laughing at her braces and shamelessly tells everyone to get it out of their system.  They tell her that they were laughing at a typo and she decides to get her braces taken off.  Maybe she should keep them on until she realizes that the world doesn't revolve around her orthodontia and most people don't curr that much about whether someone has braces.

She needs better friends.

--

Carrie's story line needs wrapping up a bit.  On their second date, at Carrie's apartment, Power Wade gets a call from his mother while Carrie is making out with him.  So awkward.  She's going on and on, asking about whether he fed the dog his medicine.  Finally he realizes they can't continue their making out with his mom yakking in the background, and she's not stopping talking, so he picks up the phone.

On another date, they're back at Wade's mom's house.  He pulls out a bag of expensive weed and a home-made bong.  So that's why he can't afford to move out of mom and dad's.  They get high and end up eating buckets of KFC and playing with the hose on the balcony.

fun.

Power wade's parents drive up, and he goes into a panic. They have to find the weed cause if his mom finds it first, she'll kick him out of the house.

"But if they see billions of chicken wings, they're gonna know we were smoking the pot!" Carrie says between belly laughs.

 The parents come in, "Is that Marijuana I smell?"

I love it when straight-laced old people say things like Marijuana.

"um. no." Power Wade and Carrie look down, shamefully.

"Then what is this?  Did you bring Marijuana into this house?"

"Carrie brought it!"  Vile Betrayer!
 
She thinks about how, as a woman, she has to start taking responsibility for her actions (to tie it into the whole bat mitzvah theme from earlier). "Yes, Mrs. Adams. I brought the marijuana into the house.  And I'm taking it with me when I go!"  And she steals Power Wade's pot.

Serves him right, I say.

The foursome smoke it together, and they must have smoked a lot of it because they completely forget that they do this by the time season 6 comes around when they do it then.

--

I just have one last note, and this has been bothering me since I watched this episode for the first time, oh, eleven years ago.

At the bat mitzvah party, The 13-year-old girls are talking about how they're going to blow the members of N*sync.  Sam overhears them and tells them that they're children and shouldn't be talking like that.  "Talk to the hand grandma" one of them says.

The other one says, "Please. I've been giving blow jobs since I'm twelve."

This grammar structure comes up in the very next episode when Miranda says something like I haven't had this happen since I'm 26.

Is this how people talk?  Is it geographical?

This is literally the only time I've heard anyone say "since I'm X age." rather than "since I *was* x age."

And another thing, while I'm on the topic of strange "is this how we're talking now" grammar, has anyone else noticed the strange new use of the term 'anymore' on the internet?

For example, "we're not using it that way anymore"  is a perfectly adequate way to use the word 'anymore.'

but lately I've heard it thusly, "we're using it that way anymore."  I think the word they're looking for is 'still.'

anymore means any longer, an end to whatever it is.

It is driving me batty.  That is literally the opposite use of that word.  And it isn't like 'droll' or 'gingerly' or any number of words that sort of switched their original meaning and can now mean two opposite things depending on context.  I don't mind languages shifting like that.  It can be irritating, but I get it.  Languages are living things.  And people can be really dumb.

This is not that.  This is just asinine.

That's all.

Anywho, that's the end of that episode.  Hope you enjoyed it!