Season 5 Episode 6 Critical Condition

I always think that Carrie cannot get more self absorbed and then she goes and does something so beyond what she's done before that I'm flummoxed.  Case in point, this episode.

Carrie's book has been reviewed!  And despite it being a very well-rounded, rave review, she's completely stuck on the last sentence ("a world where men are disposable") and cannot get the fuck over herself.

1- Carrie you said yourself in an early season that men are disposable.

2- Get a goddamn hobby, woman. And stop obsessing over shit you can't change.  It's exhausting.

3- Your friends' lives are much more interesting than yours, so the rest of this snark will be dedicated to them.

And yes, I know it's my choice to subject myself to this nonsense and it is, indeed stuff I can't change.  Shall we Carrie on?

OH SHIT. This is the episode with the face girl.  Fuck, I forgot.

Carrie. you ruined Aiden's fucking life with your shit,  You deserve more than a "face girl" to haunt you.

There, now let's move on with the episode.

---

Miranda is finally starting to look realistic, shall we say.  She can't get any sleep, she can't get any showering, she can't get her hair done.  The reality of having a colicky baby is catching up to her.

Charlotte and Carrie are supportive.

 "This thirteen pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge.  I feel disgusting.  All my clothes smell like barf.  I don't have time to shower, much less get a haircut."

Sam, as expected, is completely unsympathetic.  Sam is unintentionally bragging about her own hair cut and color.  oop.

I mean, on one hand I totally get Sam's lack of sympathy-- Miranda chose to do this to herself, and it's not up to Sam to pick up Miranda's life for her and help her out.  But ya know, they are friends and it starts to be rude when you flaunt your amazing single -do what you want- life in front of people who don't have that ability for one reason or another.

Charlotte wants to go with Miranda to help-- but mostly to ask some questions about the divorce stuff.

Miranda is happy to help, she asks who Charlotte got as her lawyer.  Miranda says that he's tough.

"But is he tough enough to beat Bunny to a pulp?"  Charlotte asks, uncharacteristically.. you know what though, Charlotte is so very feisty, I daresay this is her personality. XD

Charlotte meets with her lawyer in the next scene.  He's dangerously sexy and Charlotte can't be as mean as she wants to be in front of him.

But enter stage right, a slightly pudgy bald man enters loudly. He's the other lawyer at this firm.  He's shouting about bagels "who the hell ordered blueberry bagels?" and Charlotte is smitten.  Ok, she's not.  And that's the point. She decides to switch to the other lawyer.

Two things.  I LOVE blueberry bagels.  fucking delicious.  And the second thing, it's HARRY!  The best guy on the show.

In Sam's story line.. she's got real problems.

She decides to indulge herself in a wonderful night in with her vibrator.  Nice.  Only, it's stopped!  It makes a sad little sound before it completely died. well, shoot.

And for some reason she returns it.  Just... no.  you don't return vibrators, regardless of their warranty.  That's just unhygienic. 

At the Sharper Image much later on in the episode, there's a whole display of vibrators and the guy working there keeps calling them neck massagers.

It's actually a funny scene, cause  Sam knows what's what and the ladies around the -neck massager- display defer to her and her infinite wisdom.

"I think that one -is- a neck massager" one of them says.

"Not if you mount it." Sam replies.

And I think I recognize some of these women from earlier seasons-- I think some of them were interviewees.  I used to adore that segment.  Sometimes it was awkward, but mostly they were funny.

--

Meanwhile, Miranda's in hell.  Not the self help aisle, or even a party full of couples.  She's at home and her little bundle is not so joyful.  It's 3 am the child won't shut the fuck up.  There's the doorbell chime and Miranda goes to see who it is.

It's her neighbor. "4-D"

"It's 2:30am. You gotta stop that baby from crying."

"I said I was sorry, but I have a baby and sometimes babies make noise. That's what they do."

"I know that.  I have a baby, too. And if you ever bothered to say hello in the elevator, you'd know that."

OUCH.  Now THIS is a face girl. XD

Miranda is on the phone with Carrie the next morning.  I'm going to pretend that Carrie is distracting Miranda from her real problems with Carrie's fake ones.

"Can I wear a baseball cap to work?" Miranda asks Carrie.

"With what shoes?"

"Oh my god," Carrie has a moment of self-awareness, "I'm going on about [NYT book reviewer] when you have real problems."

Carrie then asks to obsess for another minute.  And it's a minute too far for Miranda.  She's fallen asleep at her bathroom vanity.  Poor Miranda.  Fuck. And Carrie IS STILL GOING ON ABOUT HER NONSENSE.

"Do you think that Aiden thinks that I think he was disposable?"

NO, CARRIE.  You pretended you liked this man, led him on for TWO YEARS.  You accepted his engagement ring, you had him BUY YOUR APARTMENT and the one next door, THEN YOU WAITED UNTIL HE HAD MADE A GD HOLE IN THE WALL BEFORE YOU TOLD HIM YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT TO MARRY HIM AND DIDN'T WANT TO ACCEPT HIS LIFE INTO YOURS.

 

HEY! now I'M the face girl.

Miranda has had it almost as far as I have with this bullshit.  She tells Carrie to go call her friend Samantha, cause Miranda doesn't have time for it.  She's exhausted and Sam is out there flaunting all that sleep she gets.  What a bitch.

"If she could maybe just once acknowledge the fact that I've had a baby.  It's not enough I've alienated my neighbor. Now I'm alienating my friends." Miranda whines justifiably.

"You're not alienating anyone."  Carrie lies.

"Tell that to 4-D.  She's pissed off I don't know her name.  Do you know your neighbor's names?"

"Please."

"I'm a bad neighbor and a bad mother."  oh Miranda.  fuck.  Did it get dusty in here?  I just want to wrap her up in a big hug.  It's so hard being a new mom-- let alone one without support.

Carrie actually offers to help, Miranda lies and says that just offering helps.  

"Why do we believe our worst reviews?" Writer Carrie Asks.

I dunno, Carrie.  I wrote a whole thing making this about -me- but I do wonder if I'm the weird one.  I don't surround myself with people who would judge me and say shitty things about me to my face.  Ok, there was one.  Once.

But I cut that person out of my life and let it go.

That's why I am bringing it up now, cause I've let it go.

Sometimes I think friend break ups are harder than couple break ups.  I'm not sure though.

Anyway.

Miranda is facing a jury of her peers.  She's come out of the elevator with her screaming child.  She's facing, oh, 7 of her neighbors who are also mothers with their assorted strollers.  None of them have the greasy haired look of a new mom.  Now, to be fair, Miranda -could- have showered instead of listening to Carrie carry on about her stupid problems.

The moms there are just watching her struggle with her stroller, completely untouched by it.  I doubt all of them can hear Brady carry on at night, but it looks like 4-D has caught them all up on the hot goss.

In a move of pure kindness, 4-D comes to Miranda's rescue.  She brings her the Chair.  It's a vibrating bouncy sort of thing, and as soon as Brady is put into the thing and it's turned on, he finally shuts the fuck up.

4-D, uh, Kendall, tells Miranda that she's not a bad mother, "You just didn't have the chair."  And it's so fucking true-- Miranda doesn't have that support network yet, and it's really hard when you've never been a mom or around children to know what's what.  I mean, even at her own baby shower she didn't know what a breast pump was.

Carrie, meanwhile, has told Sam what a heinous bitch she's been toward Miranda.  Sam is touched and decides to give her cut and color appointment to Miranda.  Brilliant.

"I can't believe it!" Miranda screams as she's leaving for the appointment.

"Well, neither can I, but here I am, Mary Fucking Poppins."

"The numbers are on the fridge... don't take him out of the chair, it's the only thing that keeps him quiet.  And don't call boys." Miranda jokes, but honestly, smart. XD

 Sam, alone with the 13 pound meatloaf, looks down imperiously at Brady in the chair and says "you don't look so bad."

JUST AS THE CHAIR BREAKS.  GOLD.

The face ingredients Sam is giving off are wonderful as the screams begin.

Carrie's at home browsing TV channels when she sees the face girl's name (talent executive for SNL) and starts spinning all over the place.  She's nuts.

She calls Sam to speculate about whether the face girl is spreading her nonsense all over SNL and I'm just tired. This is so stupid.  What difference does it make?

For one, what are the odds that she'll meet and befriend talent from SNL? For two, SHE WROTE THAT SHIT IN HER BOOK ANYWAY.  Or she will in the consecutive books, I think book one was all about Big, as we find out in the next episode.

She picks the absolute worst time to call Sam either way. She's knee deep in screaming baby and is having none of Carrie's bullshit.

"You can't be serious." Sam says.

 "Don't get me wrong. I don't flatter myself that Gwyneth Paltrow or Ian McKellen would be interested in my love life." Then she pauses cause she can hear Brady screaming, "Are you at a zoo?"

"No.  Thanks to you, I'm at Miranda's and Brady won't stop screaming and I don't know what to do."  SUPPORTIVE FRIEND IS SUPPORTIVE.  FUCK.  SHE'S THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW.

"That was nice."

"Yes, and now I'm being punished." alas, poor Sam.  No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Carrie speculates what could be wrong with the child.

"His problem is he's an asshole."  Best line in the episode.  It's true.  Sometimes babies are assholes.

"Maybe you should call Miranda." 

"I will not. It took me months to get that appointment, someone should benefit."  FUCKIN' A.  SHE'S THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW.

"I have to find someway to keep this baby quiet. Goodbye." Sam says.

"No wait, what about Nina?"  Carrie cannot be fucking serious right now.

"Maybe Charlotte has the time to talk about this kind of stuff; I have a screaming baby on my hands."

Bravo!

When Miranda comes home, the baby is quiet.  "Well, that's better!" Sam says to a fresh-haired Miranda.

"Is everything OK?" She asks.

"Absolutely! The chair thing broke, but you know, shit happens."

"The chair broke!"Miranda is gobsmacked.

Sam has placed the new -neck massager- next to Brady and switched it on.  Improvisation!  Rule number 1 for motherhood (you know, after don't break the baby)!

"That thing better be brand new." Miranda cautions.

--

At Charlotte's end, she's in mediation going against Bunny.

Harry is fighting real good for her, but it's her word against a very fat stack of pre-nups and other paper works.

Also Bunny herself is tearing into Charlotte and it isn't pretty at all.  Poor Charlotte.

"Charlotte couldn't fight anymore.  It seemed to her she'd been fighting for this marriage forever." Narrator Carrie helps.

Finally, at the last hour, they receive a telegram from Scotland, from Trey who has kindly reviewed Charlotte and given her the apartment ("everything she wants") and Bunny insists "Just the apartment." but that's good enough for her.

A whole apartment, an ex-MIL who has nothing more to say to her, and a lovely review from an ex.

Charlotte does walk up to Bunny as she's leaving and apologizes for things not working better, but Bunny has none of it and rudely leaves.

"Charlotte realizes there was no such thing as a fairy-tale divorce either." oh, what a lovely arc she had.

"Ding dong the witch is dead." Harry jokes to Charlotte.

---

Carrie goes so far as to reach out to Steve to mollify herself about the face girl.

Steve is sitting there with his basketball thinking that it's about Miranda and their baby but no,

"How does Aiden feel about me?"

"Ah jeez, no, you're not going to try to get back together with him are you?"

"No, but that pretty much answers any questions I had about how you feel."

Steve sort of lays into her and tells her how horrible the break up was for Aiden.  He couldn't get out of bed for a month.  "I brought him chicken wings."

"A MONTH!"

"He was devastated!  He lost his ability to open up and trust women."

Carrie mocks Steve for saying that, but what the fuck did you expect, Carrie after what you did.  I won't go into it again.  Let's move on.

--

Carrie ends up GOING OUT IN PUBLIC TO TRY TO RUN INTO THE FACE GIRL.

It's so fucking pathetic.  This is Natasha all over again.  The only person you need to rationalize yourself to is yourself.

Even Stanford, who has gone with her, is like "Why? You know what you and Aiden had."

And EVEN STANFORD HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE.  He asks how Carrie feels about Marcus, his boyfriend, and Carrie can barely interrupt her train of nonsense thoughts to say "nice" and Stanford just lays into her about it, too.

"OK, stop.  I am done. I've listened to you talk about Aiden for what ten blocks, and two years? And I've been a wonderful audience. And I ask you about Marcus and all I get is "nice?"

Carrie apologizes and they make up.  She says that she's happy that Marcus makes him happy. Good stuff.

But there, interrupting the rave review, face girl is there with Heather Graham.  Heather Graham has crazy eyes, I love her.

Heather Graham gives Carrie the face.  It's spreading. XD  Stanford invites Heather Graham to go get a pretzel together to give Carrie some alone time with the face girl.

And uh... Carrie goes on and on to the face girl about Aiden and break ups and it's fucking weird and pathetic and awful.

oh, but Narrator Carrie realizes at the final hour that it's not the face girl she's worried about, it's herself.

Yeah fucking right, it's the face girl.

Season 5 episode 5 Plus One is the Loneliest Number

This episode is bittersweet.  Carrie meets someone but he has a girlfriend but also, he's literally the Worst guy for her.  Miranda plans a second date with a guy from B.C. (before child) and doesn't tell him that she's had a sprog, and Sam fucks up her face.  Charlotte is also there.

The episode begins and there's one of those famous narrative twists-- Narrator Carrie is talking about the one day even every cynical New York woman dreams of. Anthony, the stylist friend of Charlotte's, is talking about white, everything needs to be white!

But no, it's her book release party! Carrie conveniently drops the invite on the floor so we can all be caught up in case we missed the last episode where she decided on the cover to aforementioned book.

"This is a sexy event, so don't be afraid to use color" Sam chides Anthony for making it sound like a -wedding of all things.-

So they decide on hot pink.  Sex and the City brand hot pink.

"PINK!" Anthony shouts.

--

Oh hey! Miranda is back in the office-- politically incorrectly happy to be there-- I like this plot line a lot.  There are a LOT of women out there who definitely want to have kids, but also want to have a career.  Having Miranda be happy to get back to her day job is important representation!

She gets a call from someone she met up with when she was early pregnant-- like, before she was showing so she could still date. (and fuck!) and oh boy, their conversation is pretty hot here.  He asks what's new with her, and she... doesn't mention the child.  Now this is a plot I can't really get behind, but ya know, conflict is good.  This probably won't bite her in the ass.

She invites him to Carrie's book party!

I'm just going to skip forward and finish off her story cause it's funny and I'm already halfway through it.

So, Miranda and this guy really hit it off at the book party, so much so that she invites him back to her place. (she does warn him about the baby before this happens)  The baby, unfortunately, wakes up right in the middle of them going at it and Miranda calls out "Mommy's coming! Mommy's COMING!" and it's the kind of humor that's just so fucking awkward.  You either laugh or you cry, and sometimes you do both. The guy, reasonably, just totally loses his hard on.  "I don't do kids."  and he leaves.

She has to confront the child and realizes that her life cannot be the same now that he's there.  Not to say that she won't be able to date and move forward, but that it'll be different. For better or worse.

--

Carrie's at a meeting with her publisher, Amy Sedaris, who is Very Excited about this party.  Apparently everyone in New York is going to be there and it's going to be a smashing success.  Very nice.  Good for her.

Then who should walk in the door but the very bottom of the barrel, the worst boyfriend Carrie has on the show (and I'm counting the jazz musician here), Jack Berger. Henceforth, Carrie calls him Berger, but I imagine it's spelled Burger.  You're welcome.

"Did you finish your second book?" Amy Sedaris asks Burger.

"No, my suicide note." he dryly jokes. "Would you like a save the date card?" he pithily asks Carrie and for some reason she's charmed by this.

Now, I love dry humor-- I even love humor about suicide. Why not?  And uh, this guy.. he's just Peter from Office Space. Ron Livingston just plays himself over and over.  Which is fine, but he's the LAST person I imagine getting on with someone like Carrie.

He's bitter.  Bitter man is bitter.

He's bitter that she's never heard of him as an author, and he's just bitter.  He wrote a book for men the way that Sex and the City is a book/column for women.  "Except men don't buy hilarious comic novels.  That's the flaw in the plan."

"What's your book?" Carrie is giving him so much more grace than I would if I just met him and I were her.

"Half-off.  That's what it's called now."  Carrie is in a very good mood, and encourages this behavior. "Sometimes it's 75 cents on a card table on Sixth avenue." he continues the joke.

 (I know, I'm being HARSH.  This guy is hilarious and I would definitely get along with him, but I am not Carrie)

Amy Sedaris *also* doesn't know that (spoilers) Burger has a girlfriend, and she tells them they should "talk" and connect because Burger's been through the whole shebang.

They do go out for MacArnolds. Carrie's drinking a strawberry shake.  I don't think they offer those anymore.  boo.  Burger is hitting pigeons with fries.  (Well, now I'm imagining he's just a big talking burger head on a body. tossing french fries at pigeons)

  

pictured: Jack Burger

He mimes typing: "Did the man have a little repressed anger? or did he just dislike pigeons? The woman wondered." He's now making fun of Narrator Carrie.  Hey! THAT'S MY JOB.

"I'm not really bitter." Burger lies, "I'm just trying it on for size."

"I think it fits." Carrie says.

"Yeah. It's a little tight in the crotch."

Carrie's shocked face is LOUD.  it's funny.  You know, maybe they should end up together.  XD

"You're saying 'crotch' to me? We just met."  Hey Carrie, he also asked if you wanted to read his SUICIDE NOTE.

"Long in the sleeve?" he tries.

"Not as funny."

"See that?  It had to be crotch."

He's giving me real Chandler vibes here.  I hate to see what happens when the humor stops.

He chides her for ordering strawberry shake because only children like that.  "You have so much to learn about women." She jokes back.  "yeah, that's what a few reviewers said."  The bitterness, it is palpable.

He offers a hand when he stands up, and it's real nice.  gentlemanly.  She's already planning the seven kids she's going to have with him.  but oh, the bomb is coming.

He picks up a card off the pavement.  It's a found playing card.  He collects them.  "I'm hoping to get a full deck. Insert obvious joke here. and I didn't have a two of hearts. It's a good day."

Oh, Carrie looks so happy on this non-date-first-date.  Everybody hold on to something.

She takes the plunge and asks him to her book party as her plus-one.

:sharp intake of breath:

"I would love that... but my girlfriend's parents are coming to visit and they're staying with us."

oh, Carrie.  Men are shit.

--

"It was like a bomb that just kept exploding." Carrie says to the foursome during their usual. "I have a girlfriend. We live together. This whole flirtation's in your head." 

"He should have mentioned her earlier." Charlotte is right for once.

Sam replies, "But not too early, I hate it when men do that. *'I have a girlfriend'* Calm down! I just asked if that seat was taken."  I think that both genders are guilty of that one.  Also, that line is funny coming from *her* cause you know if he didn't have a girlfriend and he was cute, she'd.. uh, you know Sam.

Charlotte says what I'm thinking, "That guy's a jerk!"

Carrie is in denial. "Thing is I don't think he is.  I sparked with this person. I never spark."  Oh, Carrie.  "I wonder how happy they are." She says in the wicked other-woman voice. "This is not a good side of me."

She asks what's the point of meeting someone like that if they're not available, and Charlotte says that it means the universe is telling them they're still out there!

"Maybe it's the universe telling you all the good ones are taken." Miranda is right.

Sam is trying to get Carrie to get out of her funk.  Everyone's going to be celebrating her at her big book party, which is a huge deal, and she shouldn't focus on how she doesn't have a boyfriend. She invites Carrie for a "little mani-pedi-botox (as if Everyone Does that!)" and then says she'll be her plus one.  Supportive friend is supportive. Sam tries to mash in the point that it doesn't make her less-than to not have a "plus-one."

And that's the point of the episode. "Why does one minus a plus one feels like it adds up to zero?" Writer Carrie writes in her little laptop.

(I have to mention before I move forward here that Miranda does talk about how she didn't tell her date that she had a baby, and the conversation is quite funny, but it also makes Miranda out to be the worst character on the show this week, but I already talked about that.)

--

Sam is doing the good work of normalizing botox.  She wasn't wrong when she said that everybody would be doing it in the future.  On the other side, I've never done that, probably won't.  but it definitely has become WAY more widespread since 2002.  Holy shit, this season is 20 years old. fuck me.

A nurse tells her that she might have to tell people that she is so angry because her face won't make expressions the way they normally do.  The plastic surgeon man tells the nurse that Sam is an old pro and knows this already.  Then he looks sadly upon Samantha's face.  And she looks at him in abject horror. "New ones?" she asks like it's cancer.  He nods solemnly.  The whole scene is funny.  She's like 45 here?  get a grip.  Surgeon asks, "Before we do the botox, have you thought about a freshening chemical peel?"

She decides to get a chemical peel on a whim.  Oh, Sam.

sidenote: I've watched a small amount of plastic surgery shows on youtube, reaction videos by Luxeria mostly, and there was a chemical peel in one of the shows she reacted to.  It was a whole thing.  Lady was put under anesthesia, even. I think it might have been a stronger chemical than Sam here gets, but still, I don't think chemical peels are things just thrown around in plastic surgeon's offices.  I don't know though.  My understanding is limited, it's not something I've ever looked into doing.

Her face looks... bad.  It looks horrifying.  Her face is peeled off.

But, it's the night of the party and she promised Carrie she'd be her plus one, so she's determined.  she puts on her ointment and a pair of large fancy earrings and cries in pain, but goes to party.

(she puts on a hat with a heavy veil first)

At the party, Carrie is bemused by the veil.  She makes a joke about Sam being a beekeeper, but that cries out when Sam unveils her face. "Veil down I think!"

Back in time:

Carrie goes out to lunch before the party. She runs into Enid, her editor at Vogue.  In case you forgot she did a few writings for Vogue on the side.  (I totally did, I need to rewatch this show like woah). The interaction is awkward AF.

Enid and Carrie are both out alone, just two single ladies having lunch.  Carrie invites Enid to join her, and Enid is like, fucking really?  and Carrie insists. For some reason.  Neither of them are comfortable in this interaction.

They run out of shit to talk real quick.  But then, Enid gives a little and admits that the man she's seeing lives in the neighborhood.

"Oh, so there's a man." Carrie is trying to be fun and cute, but Enid doesn't give her an inch.

"Yes. There is a man."

"Well, that's great.  You have a wildly successful career and a relationship. I was worried we women only get one or the other, but you have it all!"  oh, Carrie.  Enid stares at her like she's a bug.

"Enid you gotta give me something here.  I'm working my ass off."  Carrie, you made this whole thing super awkward.  Neither of you wanted to eat together but you insisted.  But, whatever.

Enid finally gives a little bit. "All right. To speak in magazine copy, yes, I have it all... on the East Side.  He has someone else on the West Side.  Luckily the park provides a buffer."  Then she continues on, that she doesn't have time for a man and a career.  (and yet, He has time for a career and two women.  what the actual fuck?)

Due to this revelation, Carrie invites Enid to her book party (honestly, why wasn't she invited already? everyone at Vogue should have been).

At book party, Enid shows -some- humanity.  Apparently this man that she was seeing was also at the party, with the other woman.  And Enid panics at Carrie to her befuddlement.  Schadenfreude? Carrie still thinks that some women are perfect?  I don't know.  it's funny though.  For how closed off Enid is, she sure can panic over boys like normal women.  or something.

Somewhere between then and party, Charlotte has sex! GO CHARLOTTE!

And Bunny walks in to her apartment. Uninvited. With her own key.  That has a key chain in the shape of a bunny.

Apparently Bunny has been keeping tabs on Charlotte, having the co-op board and doormen whisper about her escapades.  It's so funny, cause Charlotte has been separated from Trey for 8 months or so?  And this is the first time she's fucked since then.

Bunny is there to not only slut-shame Charlotte and run Charlotte's date off, but also to inform her that "...the apartment remains in the MacDougal name whereas you, Charlotte York, do not."

Charlotte tries to physically push Bunny out of the apartment, and Bunny says "don't you hustle me out, young lady, this is Chanel."

Oh, but she is extremely hateful.  Trey *did* give Charlotte the apartment, and now Charlotte's fairy tale *divorce* is going about as well as her fairy tale marriage did.  That is to say, it's going to be a fight.

Charlotte whines to Carrie on the phone, lamenting about how Anthony is going to be her plus one at the party.  Also to tell her about the locksmith she's hired because "Bunny's back."

Oh, in this little interlude before the party, Sam does tell Carrie on the phone that she's had -something- done and probably shouldn't come.  Carrie insists that she do, so she can see a familiar face, but mostly cause Carrie doesn't have a plus one.  FFS Carrie.  (also, I love the "familiar face" line said over Sam who's had a chemical peel and, indeed, doesn't actually have a familiar face at the moment.)

Stanford also calls to brag about how he has a plus-one and it's Marcus, the dancer from the last episode.  Carrie whines that gay guys are supposed to be the straight girl's safety net plus-one.. and gross.  They aren't a handbag, they are people too.  fuck.  But this is just to say that Stanford despises Anthony but is at least glad that Anthony is bringing a girl as a date and Stanford is bringing a boyfriend so he's better? XD

--

There's not really a lot to say about the party this whole episode was built around.  It's perfect (minus Sam's top layer of face skin).  Everyone's there, it's a whole thing.  Good for her.

I love Carrie's hair. Fifth season hair is the best hair.

Her hair this season gave inspiration (and hope) for curly girls everywhere.

There's a scene at the party where Stanford is bragging about Marcus in front of Anthony, and it's funny.  "And he has a large penis!" he shouts as Anthony walks away toward the shrimp waiter.

--

Later on, Burger shows up to the party.  He's bitter.  Still. "My book party could've fit in the coat check of your book party."

He tells her that she looks great and he says good luck with the book and stuff.  It's actually extremely awkward.  He shouldn't have shown up at all.  This flirtation is bad.  Morally repugnant.

The show is jamming them together like Barbie dolls.

At the end of the night, Carrie is alone.  She takes a seat next to Charlotte and whines again how she's alone and Burger was cute.

"I had to let him go, right?" She asks Charlotte. I have to sit through this entire relationship she's going to have with Burger and I'm not only not looking forward to it, I also keep forgetting that she actually likes him so this is weird for me.  Bear with me.

Charlotte says the most astute thing she's probably ever said on the show:

"The thing is, there's some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'"

"I'm lonely." Carrie replies. "The loneliness is palpable."

Well, there you go, admitting the truth and bringing everyone down, man.

This is where Enid shows up horrified because the other man is at the party. She says to Carrie dead-pan "I am so angry." because she just got botox and that was a cute joke I literally never noticed until now. Joke of the week!

Carrie is upset because her role model just showed that she can't keep it together in the face of love either.  Really, Carrie?  Enid?  Your role model?  She's NOTHING like you.  And I don't think she's very likable either.  fuck.

"Just below the surface," Narrator Carrie explains, "we're all raw and exposed." gross.

--

At the end of the night, Carrie takes a limo ride with a Very Excitable Driver.  Carrie wants to go home, but Very Excitable Driver insists that she celebrate her big party and her book coming out.  She takes her to get hot dogs at Papaya's, the other famous hot dog joint in New York.  She tells her how fantastic Carrie is for writing a book.  Carrie should totally adopt this woman into her foursome.  Supportive friends are hard to come by.

But anyway, Carrie realizes that it *is* amazing that she wrote a book, and she shouldn't let what she doesn't have dampen her spirits.

On the way back in the limo she sees a found playing card face-up on the ground.  It's a Jack of hearts.  VERY SUBTLE, SHOW.

She leaves it on the ground, but Narrator Carrie says "Then again, maybe there is something to knowing that they're out there."

And that's the episode.

Cheers!