"Once upon a second time around..." Carrie is Narrating her typing. It's a throwback to the first episode, and also a good way to introduce an episode about myths and dating mythology.
When we last left Carrie, she was disappointed in her second go with Big. At the onset of this episode, she has forgotten how much of an asshole Big is to her. I do wonder about her memory.
Here, Big is taking her to a lovely Italian restaurant where Big knows the owner enough to joke with him about being a gangster. Big introduces the owner to Carrie by calling her his girlfriend and Carrie is struck.
"You've never called me your girlfriend before!" and he jokes, "Sure I have, just not to your face!" They eat and are having a marvelous time, the owner is singing a terrible sounding Italian song and at the end Big sort of heckles him. The owner calls Big a 'wise guy' and forces him to sing a song. Carrie pulls him back, 'No don't!' and Big assures her that he's a regular and now I'm having flashbacks to the Sopranos. Big sort of does have a very Italian look, like an older Christopher Moltisanti, and he's VERY rich and connected. I wonder... hmmm... He *does* seem to escape to Napa all at once in the fifth season. Was he, perhaps, running away from a mob connection? hmm. (and I just googled Chris Noth and he isn't even Italian, ha!)
Back to Big, dedicating his song to the lovely lady sitting right over there. God, even when he's genuine he sounds sarcastic. He starts belting out a song Amazon is calling "It Was a Very Good Year." The only time I've ever heard even part of the song was in this show, but Carrie seems to find it hilarious and spits out her wine, it's so funny. And then she sits there, with a smile on her face, watching him romance her. I still think he sounds sarcastic.
Narrator Carrie supplies us with her thoughts, "It was perfect, I felt like I was in heaven."
---
In the next scene, Miranda is in hell. Well, they say it's hell. It's a comedy club. I don't know about you, but I *love* stand up comedy. It is one of my favorite forms of entertainment. I can see how a bad comic would put someone off, and really this comedian is a jackass, but they called all comedy clubs hell. WRONG. :P
Miranda is on a date with a divorced architect whom she met at a grocery store where they bonded over a shared hatred of designer croutons. I like this detail because it says everything. They are nearing the end of the 'yuppy' age of the 90s, and I definitely relate to that distaste of pretentious things. It's sort of funny how unaware they are since both of them *are* yuppies. They both joke about how horrible a time they're having and Miranda asks when the comedy starts. Miranda's date escapes to get the check, leaving his phone on the table. It rings, and Miranda is put on the spot, the comedian calls her "red" and berates her for having a ringing cell phone in the club. "answer it, answer it" He jeers and the crowd joins him until she finally picks up the phone and answers "Alan Miller's phone" and the crowd laughs.
You can't hear the other end of the line, but Miranda says that it's his date and she asks who this is. There is a look of shock on her face when the comedian rudely snatches the phone, takes it up on stage and says very annoyingly "I'm sorry, his date can't speak right now, who may I say is calling?" and starts heartily laughing out the line "his wife!" and the crowd howls in laughter while "red" is mortified.
Alan shows up and the comedian tosses the cell phone to him. "Hey, lug nuts! wife's on the phone!" Alan looks to Miranda who says "You told me you were divorced!" "I'm not really divorced, I'm really separated." and Miranda says "No. We're really separated. This is me, separated!" And she shuffles between the close tables while the comedian says "yo red, not so fast" She stops and looks up, major annoyance on her face, "I'll fuck you!" What a jackass. She rolls her eyes and leaves Alan to his phone call in the middle of the club. "Honey" he says before it fades to the next scene. Ha. separated, my ass.
The foursome are together, having one of their famous four-ways:
Miranda starts "If they're not Married, they're gay, or burned from a divorce, or aliens from the planet 'Don't Date Me.'"
Carrie quips, "It's amazing how many of them walk among us now, only recognizable by their slightly larger heads!" ><
Miranda continues as if Carrie hadn't made a joke, "I asked him, point blank, how long have you been divorced? 3 years. Just like that, 3 years! Guys are such liars!"
Sam complains about how most of them can't fuck very well either, then Miranda berates herself asking if she really is that needy since she believed his line. Charlotte justifies his behavior, saying that maybe he really did like her. Which is just stupid.
Miranda tells her that if she Pollyanna's out on her she's going to have to hit her with this rice pudding. I concur!
Then Charlotte introduces the first of many relationship myths of the episode about the married man who left his wife for her friend Amanda's friend.
Then the rest of the girls tell her to shut up and insist that it didn't happen. It's an urban relationship myth and it *always* happens to a friend who knows a friend. They are designed to make you feel better about the hopelessness that is dating, except it always makes you feel worse since the magical romance is never happening to you.
Miranda talks about the urban relationship myth of the friend who is dating a guy who can't commit, so she dumps him and moves away to Kansas or somewhere and she is walking home in the rain --always in the rain-- and he's standing there in front of her door with an engagement ring and they live happily ever after.
"But it can happen!" Charlotte insists. Then they ask her if they know of *any* relationship that has magically changed overnight, and Charlotte points to Carrie. "Carrie and Big." And Miranda is me in this situation. "How? How is it different?"
And Carrie says she doesn't know, it just is. Charlotte has the proudest look on her face that I never noticed before this viewing. Actually, Carrie says she doesn't want to explain because Miranda is being scary. And Miranda INSISTS that she explain how Big is acting any different and Carrie says "It's just a feeling. I dunno, something's shifted. Like, um, Maybe we both know that if we came together again, it must be for a reason." Sam lets out a very forced laugh. And Carrie defensively says "what? Why is that so hard to believe?" and Miranda answers pointedly, "How much time have you got?"
I'm with Miranda and Sam.
Writer Carrie is talking about myths and relationships, heroes, boyfriends, cyclopses, divorced guys. Are they really that different? Do modern day singles need modern day myths? and finally, Are we willing to believe anything to date?
----
Samantha is having a cocktail at the end of a busy workday. She looks over her shoulder and Donald Trump is sitting there conducting business with another older gentleman. RUN AWAY!!
Ugh. I hate this scene. Trump. ugh.
D:
The older gentleman comes by Samantha, jokes that she owes him a hundred a fifty million dollars because he was so distracted by her that he agreed to fund Trump's next venture. He would have to be completely distracted. and inebriated. And out of his fucking mind. He asks to buy her a drink, she says she already has one. good girl. He asks if she'd like him to buy her an island. She is intrigued, "I don't know, can you?"
They share a conversation over a bottle of expensive champagne.
Later on, she asks Carrie what her age ceiling is for men. "50?" Carrie answers. "Factor in millions and millions of dollars!" "50?" "Well, I just met the cutest older man." "How old is he, 50?" Sam doesn't answer, but sips her starbucks. "60?" She still doesn't answer. Carrie asks "Sweetie, is he on medicare?" and Sam explains "I'm guessing that he's 72. a young 72!" Carrie has a look of abject horror on her face. "Your silence reeks of agism!" "are you serious?"
Sam explains how rich he is, that they walked right into [restaurant] without a reservation " I wasn't aware that [restaraunt] had an early bird special!" ><
Sam further explains that he's just looking for someone to have fun with, and Carrie asks about whether they are going to have bedroom fun. Sam isn't sure, "...but you know what they say, all cats look the same in the dark!"
Narrator Carrie says that it was pure urban legend "Alligators in the sewer, pets in the microwave and now an old man in Samantha" ><
---
The next scene is totally fucked up. We are introduced to the crux of Big and Carrie's problem, yet again.
Carrie is at Big's house, watching him cook for her. Carrie asks if Big will come out (to a club named Denial) to meet her friends and get to know them better. She says it's a huge request, but jesus, that shouldn't be a *huge* request. He says he knows her friends fine. "Charlotte's the brunette, Miranda's the red hed, and Samantha is trouble." He's not wrong. lol. She adjusts her request that they get to know *him* better.
Big says "OK." But I can smell something. Maybe the veal is burning.
Then Carrie's cell phone rings. HUH. She doesn't have a cell phone later on. I *never* noticed this was her phone. NO, really. This is weird! She makes a point of not having one. She is a total luddite and hates technology. In fact, in season 4 when everyone's late for her 35th birthday party Miranda yells into her machine "Get a fucking cell phone!"
It is Miranda on the other end of this call. She's waiting in a bar and doesn't know where Carrie is, they were supposed to have dinner. Carrie apparently left a message, but Miranda had come straight from work and didn't check it. So she'd been waiting and thought that Carrie was dead or something. Carrie explains that she's with Big and that Big called and had this veal.
"You blew me off for a peice of politically incorrect meat!"
"He wanted to make me dinner.
"So you just dropped your life and ran right over to his."
"I really can't get into that right now."
"You know what? Your relationship is exactly the same as always. It's all about him."
BAM.
"Could you put Miranda on, please?"
"Enjoy your veal!" she hangs up and demands a glass of wine from the bartender. Rudely. The bartender is not named Rudely, it's Steve Brady! My favorite male on the show! Well, until we get to Harry in the 5th season.
Anyway.
Steve tells Miranda "please." And Miranda says "Please what?" "You'll have another glass of wine, please" Pissed off Miranda says "excuse me? Are you allowed to talk to me like that?" And Steve assures her that he is, and I love the twinkle in his eye. Riling Miranda up.
After a few more turns of Steve needling her, Miranda explains that she's not normally a bitch, she just got in a fight with someone. Steve asks if it was a boyfriend, "That's none of your business!" "Girlfriend? butcher?" (you know, cause of the veal) and Miranda actually smiled at him before starting to down the entire glass of wine. He chummily tells her to slow it down, since it is a good wine, then begs her to stay and chat with him because there are some 20-somethings over there discussing Fiona Apple over amstel lights.
I resent that *just a little bit* because I ADORE Fiona Apple. I don't like beers, but I think that Fiona Apple is definitely someone to discuss over alcohol. lol.
They share very cute smiles at each other before the next scene where they're totally doing it at Miranda's place. :D
Steve, the bartender, served Miranda two orgasms straight up. (gotta love bar humor!)
Steve thinks that things went well, and asks to see her again, but Miranda is busily setting her morning alarm and acting like a total asshole to him. He's being nice, asking if he can have her number to call and go out again. She assumes he's a total bullshit guy, and Miranda is having none of his 'nice guy' banter. She says "nice sex" and sends him on his way.
Poor Steve!
---
Sam is having dinner with the old man, Ed. He surprises her with gorgeously expensive jewelry at dinner. Sam is impressed and laughing giddly and clapping her hands. I love the maid in this scene. She's older, like Ed, and rolling her eyes at all the laughter and clapping.
Later on, Ed is putting the moves on Samantha. Old moves. He explains to her that he's only got a decade or so left on his life and wants to spend it showering Samantha with gifts and fun and things. ..."And don't worry, I've got a big old pocket of Viagra." "Why Ed," Samantha says coyly, "That's not Viagra!" and they both laugh.
Samantha decides that she will spend the rest of his life with him, they go to the bedroom and she insists on shutting off the lights. The old man seemed to look the same *and* feel the same in the dark. But then, a few moments later, he leaves for the restroom, she catches sight of his VERY old, saggy, bottom and RUNS AWAY!!
The old lady maid is waiting outside the room at the end of the hallway for Sam. she has Sam's purse and outer coat for her and slams the door on Sam on her way out. ><
---
Miranda is reading the paper in her apartment that weekend. She gets a knock on the door and it's Steve! Steve really wanted to see her again, but didn't have her number. Miranda translates "You thought I was an easy lay and wanted another go!" And Steve is completely baffled by her. He says he had fun and wanted to take her out for real. "Have dinner with me." He asks nicely. "Why?" I hate how unreceptive she is to him here. "I dunno, because we're hungry."
"I can't have dinner with you. I don't even know you!"
"You slept with me!"
"It's a different thing!"
He asks about tonight and she says that she has plans, "You don't have plans."
"I do!"
"Tell me quick! before you can make something up!" She explains that she's going to the club, denial, with friends. He says that he has a buddy who works there, what time are they going to be there. She says 7. He goes to leave, then before she shuts the door, he holds it and asks "what time are you really meeting them?" And she sighs with a smile and says 9. He goes "hmmmm." and smiles that cute Steve smile.
** I know, I KNOW that modern day internet would totally eviscerate Steve for being so pushy with Miranda, but their body language and the way they relate is so solidly in the 'This interaction is NOT creepy" That I really hope I don't rub people the wrong way with the way I type it all out. Tone is really difficult to convey here, and even as I relate what happens I can't help but feel a little creepy by the way it could be coming off. Maybe it's in his face and his body language but he clearly is not a Nice Guy (tm)**
--
Carrie is outside Big's apartment, knocking on his door. She's picking him up before they head out to Denial. He is wearing his slippers. He doesn't want to go, it's gonna rain. She says that she's OK with him not going even though it isn't.
Poor Carrie. But. I smelled that coming.
She goes alone, but can't bear to tell her friends that he isn't coming, so they are all there, sitting at the bar waiting for nothing.
Steve is there, getting drinks for people and being very nice and cordial to everyone. He jokes that if you want good service, send a bartender, and Miranda is particularly nasty, adding, "If you want a good fuck, go home with one."
He looks totally hurt, everyone looks shocked and she says "Hello! It was funny."
Steve asks to talk to her in private. She says before leaving "The gods are punishing me for having casual sex" And the three girls are left completely baffled by the exchange.
"One quick question and I'm out of here" Steve says to Miranda near the bar, "Why do you hate guys so much?"
"Excuse me?!"
"We just met so I know that ain't all about me." Miranda has completely shut down, she is walking away and he says "wait."
"What? What do you want?"
"I just want to get to know you better! Do me a favor? Can you for one second believe that maybe I'm not some full of shit guy! That maybe I *do* like you? That Maybe the other night *was* special? do you think that maybe you can believe that." He is talking and turning as she is rolling her eyes and trying to get away.
"No. Maybe I've just slept with too many bartenders."
He is left completely shocked as she goes back to her friends. They ask if she's OK and she doesn't want to talk about. Steve politely says good bye to everyone, and then Carrie suggests they go get a table for the foursome.
"I knew it. Big's not coming." Miranda says through tears while stirring her martini, "Men are shit!"
Charlotte Pollyanna's out and assures everyone that he's coming, right Carrie? Carrie doesn't have the heart to tell her that happily ever after really is a myth.
"See, there he is!" Charlotte's eyes light up. Big comes down the stairs in slow motion. Carrie's whole body changes, her smile is HUGE. They hug and Miranda looks completely shaken. Narrator Carrie Narrates: "Seeing Big show up shook Miranda's lack of belief system to the core" She tells them to wait just a moment while she runs outside, ("And just like that, Miranda left Denial") looking for Steve. In the rain.
"Maybe I can believe it" She says to him as they kiss and embrace.
"From that night on," Narrator Carrie says, "Promiscuous women everywhere would tell the tale of the one night stand that turned into a relationship."
Gah, that ending makes me squee so hard. :hugs self: You get a llama pic!
(OK, so there's a small blip of Carrie and Big in the bar and Big asks Sam if she ever got it on with that old coot, and Narrator Carrie waxes optimism about their relationship, but it doesn't make me feel good like Steve and Miranda's beginning)
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