Season 4 Episode 14 All that Glitters

All that glisters is not gold—  
Often have you heard that told. 
Many a man his life hath sold  
But my outside to behold. 
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.  
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old,  
Your answer had not been inscrolled  
Fare you well. Your suit is cold—  
Cold, indeed, and labor lost.

Well, now that we're all depressed!  Let's jump in!

This episode is a continuation in theme of the season 3 duo where Carrie and the gang go to Los Angeles.  We've learned that it's not what's outside that matters, but are we sure it's not what's outside that matters?

Let's discuss.

Aiden has begun renovating the apartment next door while Carrie does nothing to help. You know, except freak out that he's begun throwing hints about getting "Maui'ed" and Carrie is having none of his nude punning.  Dude.  If a guy nude-punned at me like that, I would jump his bones!  And then marry him.

And I did.

12 years later, he still puns at me nude.  Best.

Carrie needs an out, just for this evening unfortunately, so she calls Sam who is also dying to get out of the house too since she's caught monogamy from the other three.  She's been waiting all evening for Richard to call her back "5 minutes later"-- yeah, that's not a good look on her.

Sam turns the two-way call into a four-way call, and it blows everyone's minds.  Remember when people used to say "the new millennium?" good times.

They all decide to go dancing at a gay club.

It's loud and proud and all in their faces.

Sam is counting dicks and taking a hit of ecstasy.

Miranda has run into a co-worker in the bathroom. Apparently, New York businesses don't have to have women's restrooms if the clientele of its business is mostly male.  mmkay.  Miranda promises that she won't out him at the firm, then casually mentions that she's pregnant, so now they're both vulnerable.

OK, but Miranda *does* have to tell her bosses that she's pregnant-- she can't carry on like this and expect it all to work out. Later on she sites potential loss of good cases, loss of good office, and other perks as reasons to keep it quiet, but at this point she's starting to show, and she needs to get her ducks in a row as far as maternity leave goes. Her workplace is required not to screw her over or discriminate.  You know, by law.  Yes?  I'm not crazy here, right?  You'd think a law office would be terrified of litigation.

Carrie has met a guy who apparently just gives people he likes discounts on shoes and gives her some gay porn.  I'm not clear on his job.  Either way, he becomes her loophole to monogamy and the sticking point of her plot line this episode.  His name is Oliver, and he's Australian.  He is very cute.  He's agreed to hang out with Carrie for this episode and then never show his face again.

Charlotte runs into her best gay-friend, Anthony.  Well, Anthony and his date du jour who happens to be a design editor for House and Garden magazine. 

"Omg, I love that magazine!  I used to wear my mother's pearls and flip through it when I was little!" Charlotte exclaims.

"Me too!" Design Editor matches her enthusiasm.

Anthony mentions the amazing job that Charlotte did turning 'the place where plaid went to die' into an incredible apartment. To Anthony's chagrin, Charlotte and Design Editor are gushing over the possibility of putting Charlotte's beautiful apartment in the magazine.

"You are pretty," Design Editor says to Charlotte, "Wanna dance?"

"Swell" Anthony says to Carrie, "I get em all wound up, she cashes in."  womp womp.
 --

 When Carrie gets home she's still drunk and wants to get laid, but Aiden had too many pieces of fried chicken.  womp womp.

Carrie thinks it's about her.  Or really, them. They have very different ideas of fun.  This is accurate, if you have wildly different schedules and completely different lifestyles, it can be a problem.

Also, Aiden asked her to rub his belly.

 Sam has sex with Richard while high on ecstasy.  She tells him that she loves him and then freaks out about it when she comes back down.

She's taking the walk of shame and talking on the phone with Carrie.

Carrie: "You told him you loved him?"

Sam: "It was the X talking, all I wanted to do was have sex!"

Carrie: "OK OK, and then what did he say?"

Sam: "Nothing he just went to sleep!"

Carrie: "Ooof"

Sam: "If he was any kind of gentleman at all, he'd pretend it never happened"

Carrie: "So, do you love him?"

Sam: "Oh, who the hell knows?! Carrie. It makes you giddy.  I was in love with the taxi driver, the doorman, his sweater!"

Carrie: "But you only said it to Richard."

Sam: "I am never taking X again.  It is a dangerous Dangerous drug."

Say no to drugs kids! It makes you an idiot!

The real issue here is that she really *is* in love with Richard.  She can stifle it all she wants, but it's catching up with her and wreaking havoc. She doesn't love well, she's completely out of practice. And if he does act like it never happened it would hurt worse than if he acknowledged it. 

What we have here is a lose-lose situation.

Carrie is out at brunch with her new gay-boyfriend. They are discussing loopholes to monogamy. Oliver talks about how he's allowed to exchange blow jobs with other men and his boyfriend won't mind. Carrie complains that straight couples have no such blow job loopholes. She finds it a little limiting that 'till death do us part' is the only one we have.

Oliver talks about how he knows monogamous gay couples, but he doesn't want to expect so much from one person. He and his boyfriend acknowledge reality. But then he backs off a bit, and points out her engagement ring and says he shouldn't be talking about loopholes with someone who's about to tie the knot.

"What's with you and this ring?" she asks.

"What's with You and the ring?" he replies, "You haven't even mentioned him."

The camera zooms up to her face while she attempts to describe him, and it's a little sterile.  It's telling.  And then she criticizes her own fiance by complaining about his idea of a great night-- a bucket of chicken and sports.

Uh, Carrie.  Shut up.  I don't like sports either, but like his cabin and his punning in the nude, that's Who he is.

Her gay husband, Stanford, shows up and is suspicious. (Remember back when she decided to marry Stanford in order to get all the money?  ah, good times!)  When Oliver goes to the restroom, Stanford asks if she's cheating on her fiance with the beautiful man.

Carrie tells him that the beautiful man is gay, and Stanford says, "Fine! Have your brunch with your beautiful man and then go home to your other beautiful man. Greedy Greedy Greedy!"

Carrie writes in her laptop about her fears of settling down, "Why are some of us reluctant to let go of our single lives? Is single life in New York such a constant flurry of fun and friends that settling down immediately fills us with the urge to shake things up again?"

No. Carrie, you just don't want to marry him.

--

Miranda is dealing with real issues now.  One of her partners at her firm has come into her office, woken her up to tell her about 'casual Friday,' and then winked at her and said 'congratulations.' So. She knows.

There's only one person who could have told her.

She confronts him in his office.

"Did you tell Celeste I was pregnant?"

"Okay. Yes. But only in your defense. This morning she was telling everyone that she saw you sleeping under your desk a couple of times and she thought you might be alcoholic or bipolar or something."

"So you told her I was pregnant?"

"Isn't that better?"

"No, not at a lawfirm."  Fucking Really?  Is this true?  I'm so beyond suspicious of the experiences Miranda has that would convince her that her partners would really treat her worse for being pregnant than an alcoholic.  I mean, I do get it a little bit. Women who have children are definitely at a disadvantage, especially when they prioritize family over work.

And now that I think about it, men have children all the time and aren't treated this way.

Carry on, Miranda, you definitely have a Valid point here.

"Sorry.  I told her it was a secret!" the narc explains.

"She can't keep a secret.  She's probably told everyone in the office by now. How would you feel if I told everyone that you were gay?"

She chose the exact moment that Celeste walks in to finish that sentence, and now essentially, everyone in the office knows.

Oooop.

At Carrie's house later, they're all watching porn.  Charlotte's brought biscotti, didn't know 'independent film' meant gay porn. Charlotte isn't in the mood for gay porn, so there's a record scratch.

"Not in the mood for gay porn?!" Carrie exclaims.

Charlotte explains that Trey doesn't seem to care about the House and Garden spread, that he doesn't care about the things that she cares about. Anthony is the only one who cares about it.

Gay men apparently care more than straight ones.

"Oliver's taking me to Bungalow 8 tomorrow night!" Carrie explains.  Ah, remember Bungalow 8?  It's like the Studio 54 of the early 2000s.

"It sounds like you're cheating on Aiden with a gay man." Miranda points out, and Carrie says that it's the gay boyfriend loophole.  Geez Carrie, you don't have to sleep with someone for cheating to occur.

"I accidentally outed by gay-boyfriend at work, and then he outed me. Even my gay relationships are disfunctional." Poor Miranda.

"Here's the thing" Carrie explains her problem, "Aiden loves to stay in, and I love to go out. And he's OK with it.  It's either the greatest relationship ever or we're headed--"

"For separate bedrooms like me" Charlotte's marriage is still a fake fendi. She further explains that they are so far apart, that Trey is content with it, and she still wants what she wants and she feels terrible about it.

She's done talking about it, so it's back to gay porn.

I really don't get the appeal of gay porn for women, but to each his own. Killjoy, I am.

Sam confronts Richard at work next day.  He's acting like a gentleman, pretending she never said the thing that they both know she said.

She brings it up, and he explains that he knows she was high on X.  "Believe me, I've been there." He says, but it's at that point that she knows what we all know.

 But instead of acknowledging it and potentially shaking up her relationship to get what she wants, she swallows her feelings and agrees to continue seeing him, casually.

--

At Charlotte's, she's explaining to Trey about the photo shoot in the morning and her expectations of him.  He didn't think that he'd need to be there, and Charlotte says that it's what the magazine wants since they look like the perfect couple.

"I don't want to do this." Trey says.

"It's just one picture, and it's important to me." Charlotte explains.

"No. This." He says. "I don't what to do this anymore. You are so angry at me."

"I want a baby. I thought that that's what you wanted too." She says.

"So did I."

"I don't think I should have to give that up."

"You shouldn't.  You can have the apartment.  I'll move in with mother."

"OK." She says, throwing out the rule of three, you know the one where you reject a gift several times before you graciously accept?  Yeah, she knows what this Park Avenue apartment is worth.

He leaves and she's left alone.

--

Carrie is going out with her gay-boyfriend.  Aiden has finished up for the day and wants to tag along, surprisingly.  Carrie doesn't let him, claims that she doesn't even know if he can get in, since you need a key.

"A key! Why do you buy into that bullshit?" he asks.

Why, indeed!

 He says that she might have trouble getting back home, since you need a key.  Lolz.

While out with Oliver, he says that he could have gotten Aiden in, and Carrie says that it is "So not his scene."

"Well then you have to break it off with him, this is bungalow 8, darling!"

"Oh you're right! Whats a relationship compared to a trendy night with strangers?" She jokes but.. holy shit, that's the entire theme of the episode.

The trendy night with strangers-- not so great.  She's starving, and her gay boyfriend is distracted by other gay people and their large shoe sizes.  Her gay-husband shows up and heavily flirts with her gay boyfriend and it's about this time that Carrie realizes she has a wonderful man at home and for the first time all week, nay all Season, she actually wants to go home to him.
---

At Charlotte's, at the photo shoot the next day, she has to break the news to Anthony.  Anthony says she's a strong woman and they can do it without him.  He's another one of those good friends on the show, like Sam.

"Honestly you're the best catch ever.  Look what you did to this place. You could take any guy off the street, fix him up and turn him into something wonderful.  Not for nothin,' but you deserve more than that stick-up-his-ass preppy, that's all I'm saying."

They walk back to the dining room, Anthony is about to announce that it'll just be Char, when from the other room you hear a booming voice,

"Alrighty, we ready for the picture?!" And you know it's Trey doing one last nice thing for his wife.

Narrator Carrie narrates "Trey had moved out by the time the magazines hit the stands. But all over America little girls in their mothers' pearls saw the picture and thought 'That's what I want."

"That's the thing about relationships," Narrator Carrie continues, "sometimes they look prettier from the outside, and what's inside can be different than it seems."

Is there a lot of dust in here or have I just not watched this episode in many many years?  that was intense.

Tune in next time to see if Aiden can break through the wall she's got up.

Season 4 Episode 13 The Good Fight

"Hey pop tart! where you been and whatcha been doing?" Aiden wants everyone in the audience to punch him in the throat.

Carrie went out for coffee and newspapers, and despite only being outside long enough to do that, she forgot that Aiden's stuff was blocking the whole front door.

Why did he put it so close to the door anyway?

Aiden's moved in, and he's brought ALL of his stuff with him.  The nerve!

He even brought a plant.

How very dare he!

And he's blocked one of her bathroom doors.  He doesn't understand why she needs two bathroom doors, since she already has one, and she says in case of rapists.  Perfectly reasonable. But it's got his boxes of shit in the way, so if she gets raped, it's his fault.

Carrie is *not* pleased at all with this.  She wants her space back. And an exit in case of rapists.

Now, I get it, I do, but what about the honeymoon phase?  You know? The one where you put up with it cause you're at least a little happy your boyfriend fiance has moved in?  The one where you forgive the little irksome things that will eventually drive you nuts?

It's what keeps people together, I assure you.

For now, she wants to be left alone when she gets home. Also, Aiden reminds her that it's only for another week or two because the old lady next door will be moving out then and they can take over next door.

She brings it up to her friends-- the things she wants to do that she'd never let a boyfriend see her do.  Her SSB, secret single behavior. (Is this a reference to something?)

psst.  Carrie.  Eventually he'll go to work.  Do that stuff then.  I kinda feel more bad for Aiden since his only escape is work, and when Carrie has her weekly meeting with her editor.  But Carrie isn't thinking about Aiden here.

Carrie has the lamest SSB: standing up in the kitchen, eating saltines with grape jelly while reading fashion magazines.

Now, first of all, that isn't private or weird at all, and second of all, Aiden would probably find it endearing and neg you for it and you'd love it, secretly.

Charlotte's is more in line with what I consider true SSB: she stares at her pores in her magnified mirror every night.

Miranda has another good one, "I like to put vaseline on my hands and put them in those borghese conditioning gloves while watching infomercials."

Samantha doesn't have one.  Good on her.

I... don't have one either.  I don't like to do these recaps with babe around, but it isn't cause I'm embarrassed, I just don't like the distraction.  Plus it requires the use of the computer and I don't think he enjoys SaTC as much as I do. Sometimes I pluck my eyebrows, but I don't care who's watching.

I know that having time away from everyone and everything is super important, but I don't think it bodes well that Carrie is already looking for ways to escape. On the other hand, the only time I've been squished in a too-small apartment with babe was right after we moved cross-country and we had forced 800 square feet of apartment into 300 square feet of apartment.  Plus a 3 year old and a 5 month old.  That was no fun.  No SSB for me then.

Anywho, let's carry on, shall we?

Sam gets a call from Richard, her boss and sexual partner, and suddenly she has to away.

She had previously told Carrie about the sleeping together bit, but as far as Sam knows, the other two do not.

Carrie says, "Nice! a little skyrockets in flight afternoon delight." (So presumably now *everyone* knows that they're sleeping together? yes?)

Samantha says, "No, it's just work." And Charlotte responds, "Hardly, you're sleeping with him!"

"You told them?" Sam yells at Carrie.  Uh, doesn't Everyone know what that afternoon delight song is about?

don't they?

"I also like to gossip on the phone while secretly pumicing my callouses."  Now THERE'S an SSB!

Miranda, getting over a cold presumably, wants to know all the gory details since she's pregnant and extremely horny.

But Sam doesn't want to talk about it, so now everyone knows that she is in love with him.

"Samantha likes a guy!" Carrie singsongs.

"OMG! We're gonna have to ice skate home, hell just froze over." Miranda says.

Sam tries to make it all better by describing Richard's perfect dick, but it's left a weird taste in everyone's mouth.

--

Charlotte is navigating a whole lot of invisible stuff in her apartment.  A whole lot of emotional baggage has been strewn all over place and now there's nowhere to sit.

She tells Trey she's having a night in with the girls sometime and he's not invited. And then she passive aggressives that she has all this time to kill now that they're off the baby track.

uh, Char?  you should have been doing that stuff all along to distract yourself from it.

"It's a big readjustment. I've wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl. I mean, we have a baby room and no baby!" How the hell does Charlotte honestly expect Trey to respond to this? With a mind change?

Trey side steps that nugget, "Well.  I've got some good news!" He says that he got tickets to the producers next week!  Super excite!

She looks at him like he's nuts and took all the wind out of her sails.

"Charlotte, yes. We're disappointed. But life goes on. We still have to find a way to have a giggle!" He says, "come on! give me a smile!"  She gives him a half grimace.
--

At her job, Richard gives Sam a pink rose, and Sam gives Richard a blow job.

--

Miranda has her own conundrum.  She's had a fantastic date with a new guy! He's got her motor revving, but does she have a responsibility to tell him about the baby?

They aren't serious, and he's just in town for a little while.  He'll soon be off to some European country and then to another one. (and another one).

Why is this guy dating then?  Forget the baby, the baby is distracting the story. How could anyone get serious with a guy who cancelled their first two blind dates because he had international trips to go on for work?  Why even attempt the third?  This guy doesn't put any priority on anything but his work.

But Miranda isn't looking for anything serious or long-term, she literally just wants to get laid.

So, she asks Carrie who tells her she doesn't have to tell him anything.  You know, until he comes back into town in a year and wants another date.  Make sure he knows it isn't his baby. ><

I wish I were making that last part up.  lol.

Miranda also wants to know if the probably very well-endowed man will poke the baby or jostle it free.

"Where do you think dimples come from?" Carrie says the only response to that stupid ass question.

Miranda decides she will sleep with the busy man and calls him soon after.

At the end of their walk, right outside Carrie's place, she helps her very old next-door neighbor down the stairs.

"You tell your boy I'm not leaving for 30 days.  Read the contract!"

Carrie has to go upstairs, jostle the boxes that are blocking the door, and tell Aiden this terrible news.

Aiden is pumped up and pissed about it.

"FUCK!  WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA FUCKIN' DO NOW?" He shouts and jumps around.

"Oh thank you! You hate it too! I'm so relieved! I thought you'd already changed into a pod: invasion of the single snatchers."

"Of course I hate it" he says, "we cannot live like this."

He says that there might be room if they go through her closet.  They do that cool zoom in trick that makes the background go all warbly.  Panic.

OK, sure, but how is going through her closet going to clear room?   Where is her stuff gonna go?  Presumably they'll have another closet once that lady moves out in a few weeks.  Aiden wants to just toss it? Rude.

Get a storage space, geniuses.  Or move the furniture around a bit and shove his stuff in piles against the wall.  It's temporary. sheesh.

But no, we need drama and a fight scene.  So, let's make Carrie super vulnerable.

In the middle of taking the piles of shoes into the bathroom (where Carrie has laid out towels on the floor) Aiden is getting impatient with the whole thing.  Most of Carrie's clothes are super ugly and Aiden supposes that she needs to get rid of half of them so that Aiden has room to put his clothes.

That is fucking stupid.

Like, maybe move some of her clothes into boxes, but do they not understand the definition of temporary?

She spent a lot of money on these clothes and shoes, and they still fit. And she loves them.  And suddenly she has to chose between him and a "fucking outfit--" don't make me hurl, I would chose clothes over a boy if the boy made me choose.  Ok, depends on the boy, but I like my clothes and shoes.

This isn't the point of the fight.  I'll move on.  The fight hasn't really started yet anyway.

 It is at this point that Pete the dog starts chewing on one of her very expensive non-replaceable shoes and Carrie is rightfully pissed. and ding ding, the fight commences:

Aiden says that the dog couldn't help it since her shit is everywhere.

I am hashbrown team Carrie at this point.  "My shit is everywhere because your shit is everywhere."

Then she goes through his stuff in the bathroom, "look at all your shit in my bathroom." Several sticks of deoderant, rogaine-- "rogaine? are you losing--" Now both of them are vulnerable.

"I don't want to TALK ABOUT IT!" Aiden roars. "Don't go through my stuff!"

She's hit a nerve.  But Carrie is too far gone, "you were more than willing to go through all of My stuff."

And then Aiden brushes what is really concerning him, that this is *her* apartment and she doesn't want to share or let him in.

Carrie tells him to shut up, because she has "let him in." Clearly.

Aiden does Not like to be told to shut up, says that he's going to take a walk when Carrie pulls him back and says, "No, I'm taking a walk!"

And then she tries to escape through her second bathroom door and it's blocked by his shit.

"This is why I need a second door."

You tell him!

She goes to write in her laptop at the nearby Starbucks.

She used to think the people writing there in public were pretentious posers, but now she knows they're mid-fight.  Yes, all of them.  Everyone writing in public has just moved in with their fiance and needs some space.

"What are we fighting for?" Writer Carrie asks at the end of the article.

It's a good thing her column deadline aligns with important relationship markers throughout the show.  :smirk:

--

Trey gives Charlotte a cardboard cut out of a baby.

She is not amused.

He's trying to make her giggle and he's completely missed the mark.
--

A few nights later at Charlotte's girls night in, Carrie is still steaming about her fight, Miranda is eager about her date later on, and Charlotte hasn't mentioned the cardboard baby.  She even says to them that she and Trey don't fight because they're WASPs, "it's genetic!"

Samantha offhandedly mentions Richard, and Carrie reminds her that it's perfectly OK to like a guy.

"For the last time, the only thing I like about him is his big, throbbing, rock-hard perfect dick."

Trey walks in just then, and oops.  He forgot it was girls night. "Trey, you're not supposed to be here."

Charlotte won't let him kiss her-- I guess there's some invisible baggage on her cheek.

"Still mad I see?"

And then suddenly all the baggage becomes visible.  He wants to tell her friends about the cardboard baby, show it to them and see if they laugh,

"You see we were so tense about not being able to have one that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby." Trey says while Charlotte is mortified, crossing her arms in front of her. None of the other three laugh.  The scene is so tense.

"Carrie,  you're funny, cardboard baby? that's funny? I mean it's not haha funny, but silly."

Carrie is just awkwardly trying to figure out something to say. Trey is still awkwardly trying to explain to Charlotte's friends why he thought it was a good idea. Convinced they just need to see it, Trey decides to go get it and Charlotte yells at him, "How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cut-out of a big flaccid penis?!" And as he's leaving the room, she shouts "Don't you bring that flat baby in here I will kill you!"
 
The other three are left gobsmacked by the fight, unable to move.

"How dare you talk to me like that in front of your friends?" he tries to whisper yell, but everyone can still hear him.

"Oh they know all about your penis problems and they are just sick of hearing about it!" Charlotte shrieks.

"There we were," Narrator Carrie says, " in the middle of a wasp nest."

They each find excuses to leave while the fight gets more and more preposterous.

"No what's unforgiveable is you denying me my baby for your own selfish, spoiled needs!"

"You are spoiled! Ever since you moved back in here it's been nothing but babies babies babies, what about me?"

"What about you you big baby!"

"uh... We're gonna go." Carrie says as politely as she can.

"GOOD!" responds Trey.

"Don't you talk to my friends like that!  Without a baby they're all I have!"

"And what am I?!" Trey asks.

"You are the Man who gave me a Cardboard baby!"

"It was funny!"

"NO it wasn't!"

"Goodniiight!" Carrie yells as she shuts the door.

The fight ends with Trey sleeping in another room and Charlotte throwing the cardboard baby at him.

--

Sam meets Richard uh... Somewhere.  Somewhere private with a pool.  I think it's the top of a building.  Obviously not too private.

She wants to know what he invited her there for, and he reveals a special date table area.

"No, I want no part of that," Sam says, "that turns everything into a big screaming mess.  We are work and sex, nothing more.  Now, kindly take off those pants and show me your dick."

ah, Sam, you're the best.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  He says all smoothly. So, she is obliged to take off her dress.

Then he takes off his pants and jumps into the pool and you get several unabashed frames of his dick.

nice.

After a few hours of Sexy Swimming Behavior, SSB (as Carrie calls it, I would never make such a lame joke) Richard turns some sexy music on and wants to dance with her.  She doesn't want to, but he says it's an order.

Samantha finally gives in a little and maybe lets him in a little bit.  Maybe.

--

Carrie comes home from the fight at Charlotte's and decides to apologize to Aiden.  Good girl.

The next day, she comes home from whatevering and he's there, he's asking her a bunch of stuff first thing, and it is the last straw.  She actually communicates what she needs-- just a few minutes where she can pretend he's not there, and he can pretend that she's not there (except, you know, before she came back she actually wasn't there). She even shuts her room-dividing curtain.

She sits on the bed in the silence for maybe half a beat, when she stands up, sneaks her face through the divider and asks him what he's doing out here.

Narrator Carrie says this mouthful while Carrie Carrie settles into Aiden's lap. "That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore."

That's the end of that one!

Season 4 Episode 12 Just Say Yes

Carrie has recently found out that her building is going "co-op"-- a term I was unfamiliar with before the show, and really have only heard about in the show.  I'm not up on the real estate lingo.

Carrie is devastated because it means she has to move-- she can't afford to buy her apartment "I just charged for tomatoes."  And here the audience gets to finally see the effect of all those impulse shoe purchases have had on Carrie's life.

Well, over the next few episodes.

Aiden doesn't think it's a big deal, because he is in a position to purchase the apartment (and the one next door) and they can move in together and junk.

What if the person next door doesn't move/buys her apartment? no one asks.

"You got a girlfriend, moneybags?" Carrie flirts.

So it's decided.

Well, not quite.  Carrie has to faux emotional crisis about it for awhile.
--

In an apartment across town, Charlotte is getting a real prick in the ass.  Hormone injections.  not what you're hoping for I know.

They've decided to try IVF, and Charlotte is in the middle of an actual emotional crisis. Poor Charlotte.  She's also gone and mucked the whole thing up by getting on a list for a "Mandarin baby"-- this makes it sound like somewhere in the middle of Manhattan there's a take-out place that serves, well, unfortunate dishes.

Trey is really super thrown and displeased by this.

Charlotte is just ramming through with her motherhood scheme, without thought to consequence.  But I mean, I get it, a little.  On the other hand, adoption should probably be something actually discussed before diving in.  It's really expensive, and they're already paying for IVF treatments. :/

I'm not super pleased with Charlotte through this whole time in her life, TBH.  I want to get it and feel bad for her because I know for most women going through fertility issues is super frustrating and devastating and all that.  But she's kinda acting cunty and not at all likable.

She's even lashing out at Miranda for daring to be pregnant right now.  Just. Don't do that. Don't be jealous Charlotte.  It's not cool, Miranda is about to enter a world of pain.
--

Back to Carrie-- her faux existential crisis is about to get a whole lot more vomity.

While Aiden is singing (badly) in the shower, Carrie is trying to contain his stuff which has somehow gotten everywhere since he unofficially moved in. She spies a very telling black box in among his clothes bag and opens it up to see a really ugly engagement ring.

(At least it wasn't this one!)

And she vomits.

And now for the real emotional crisis.  How do you let someone know that you don't want to get married yet or at all?

This is a real serious society-wide issue we have.  The way we've structured and think about relationships is one size fits all, and you know what they say about that.  I read an article once about how society propels couples forward toward the picket fence goal, and it is difficult to live with it when you don't have that ultimate goal. If you're a bit alternative.  Like if you're poly-amorous, or you don't want to get married but want to stay together. Society screams at people that there's an order, a right way of relationshipping, and it can cause serious emotional problems for perpetually single people or long-term together-but-not-marrieds.

And the issues with slowing down or de-escalating relationships without them totally falling apart.  It can be a nightmare to navigate.  People, man! So complicated.

And it's the theme of today's show. When life upsets and doesn't happen the way it 'should.'

Carrie brings up the potential engagement with the other three.

They have varying opinions.

Charlotte thinks Aiden is perfect and she should forget about her misgivings.  "Just say yes! (that's the name of the episode!!!) When it's right you just know." She says.

Sam replies, "Carrie doesn't know!"

"Carrie threw up" Carrie says in third person.

"So it might not be right." Sam is the best person on the show.

Carrie jokes about the timing of the co-op and her impending proposal.

Miranda explains, "If there were unlimited apartments in Manhattan, we'd all be single forever."

 Then Charlotte asks the all-important question, "What does the ring look like?"

And then everyone except Miranda throws up because the ring is that bad. Pear shaped diamond, gold band.

Miranda, for some reason, is confused about it: "You wear gold jewelry."

"Yeah, ghetto gold for fun, but this is my engagement ring." Carrie is worried that if he can't even get the ring right, maybe he doesn't know her as well as he should.

"I helped pick the ring." Miranda confesses.  And then she complains because of her situation and how not-ideal it was for her, being pregnant and shopping for an engagement ring.

"AT LEAST YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Charlotte is fucking awful here.

"Are you going to yell at me every time I mention it because we've got another 7 months to go." It's like the battle of the overly-hormonal around here. Or should I say ovary-hormonal.

Yes, I definitely should say that.

Carrie tries, "I'll just say I'm not ready to get engaged yet, but I love you and I want to live with you, how does that sound?"

"Like a 'no'" Sam pities.

--

Sam's having her own troubles. I don't want to get into it too much, it's not particularly funny.  It ends up with her fucking her boss on a plane to Rio because neither of them want to get married.  So, that's fun.

--

Miranda tells Steve that she's pregnant.  She doesn't want any help and doesn't care if Steve is involved.

"Then why'd you need to tell me?" He asks.

God, I love those two.

This scene is a complete subversion of expectations from the last episode. It was super important back then for Steve to know about the baby/shmashmortion so he could weigh in.  As soon as Miranda decided to keep it, though, it's literally a non-issue.  She's doing it for her, not them.

It really is the only logical conclusion to last week's problem.  Because he never should have been an element of concern-- it is none of his business.  And really, Miranda only told him in this case because of all the pressure from her friends.  I mean, it is potentially the right thing to do, but it doesn't have to be.

At least he has the option now to be or not be a father if he wants.

Talk about men's rights, amiright?  Is this what all those MRAs really want?  For women to be so independent that they can have babies without the men being involved?  Guess what that'll take?  That's right: feminism.  Ha.

--

Carrie takes Aiden out to dinner in order to say yes to moving in.  She phrases it in a way that makes it clear she doesn't want to do much more than that, and when she's done he reaches into his jacket pocket with clear malicious intent and Carrie escapes to the bathroom to vomit again.

"What are you doing?!" She asks herself in the mirror.

"Are you talking to me?" Someone answers. lol.  it was the woman in the stall.  ><

She escapes the bathroom and prepares herself for the worst.

Instead, he pays for dinner and she's off the hook, for now.

--

Trey finally tries to approach Charlotte to get a handle on all these fertility things that are making her spin.

Presently, she's listening to Chinese language tapes.

"You're learning Chinese?" He asks.

"Just in case. I want to be able to speak to the baby." She replies like she hasn't gone off the deep end.

"Wouldn't we teach the baby to speak?" He asks as he presses pause on her tape player.

She then goes on to talk about the baby's culture, and then mucks it up again by thinking about what other people might think if they had a non-caucasian baby.  Well, mucks it up for me.  The baby would be yours Charlotte, that's what adoption means. Anyone who thinks horrible things about it can suck it.

She tells Trey to remember to pick up his kilt for the fling, I know what she means-- I'm always flinging and wearing kilts.  Super relevant.

But Trey doesn't want to fling, he's not in the mood cause they're barren.

Then Charlotte yells at him about how they aren't barren and they need to live! and enjoy life! And not act like typical reproductively challenged people.  Oh Char.

He says she should think about going off the hormones.

(oh no he didn't)

He leaves the scene, and she grumpily presses play on the Chinese.

--

Carrie runs into Mr Big while trying to catch a cab.  He's in the back of his usual town car, and she's looking extra amazing.  This outfit is in my top ten favorite Carrie outfits.

 

One of these days I might compile my favorite looks.  And then my least favorite looks.

Or not.

Big asks about 'country bob' and Carrie says, "you know his name now." "Aiden." He responds, but you can tell he wanted to give him another crappy, undermining nickname.

I hate that.

Carrie talks about how he's going to propose, and Big explains that Carrie's not the marrying kind and it'll never work out.

Fucking rude.  And absolutely not his place to say.

Carrie tells him that she's not taking relationship advice from him.  Good girl.

At the apartment, she sneaks a peek at the ring again, but it's missing!

She calls Miranda to ask, but Miranda is currently bowing to the porcelain fertility goddess, and doesn't know anything about the ring.

Poor Miranda.  I had severe morning sickness for my whole pregnancies and it is the fucking worst.

She sad jokes that it's actually called 'mourning' sickness cause she's mourning the loss of her single life.

OK, but like most people who have children aren't single, but sure.

--

At the fling, Trey's gone off to dance with his kilted kin.  Charlotte has gone to gather food when she's approached by Bunny. Trey has gone and told Bunny about the whole Chinese baby adoption scheme, and she is not happy about it.  At first, you kind of get the impression that she's against adoption in general, cause of their proud Scottish heritage. I mean they're at a Scottish Highland fling for chrissake, they are proud of their heritage.  But then she says, racistly, "I don't enjoy Mandarin food, and I don't enjoy a Mandarin child."

Charlotte is Super pissed.  She goes up to her husband, in the middle of the dancing and starts yelling at him about it.

"If we wanna have a Mandarin baby, let's have a Mandarin baby and no one else needs to be involved!"

"Well, then let's not involve the entire Scottish population of New York City shall we?"

"I'm serious! I'm doing all the work!" She shouts, and when she rattles off all the emotional labor she's doing, I almost start to feel bad for her until, "all you have to do is jerk off into a plastic cup!"

"Charlotte get a hold of yourself!" Trey yells back.

"You get a hold of yourself, and try to keep your mother out of it." harrumphs Charlotte, and Trey tries to grab her to pull her back and ends up tearing off a piece of her dress.  ooop.

Finally, back at their place, they have a real talk about it.  Trey admits that he doesn't want a baby, that the getting pregnant part is far too much work and will take too much time to be sustainable. "I don't want to try.  If it's the right thing, it'll happen and if it's not then it won't." He says, crushing her.


Charlotte doesn't want to talk anymore.  Her whole life she pictured her life a certain way and he was pulling back, pulling the rug out from under her.

I don't blame him at all to be honest.  She would be impossible to live with during this time.

On the other hand, I feel bad for her. :/

This is like the only time he is sensitive to her feelings about it.  From now on, he's kind of a nightmare.

--

Carrie goes on a dog walking venture with Aiden and Pete.  Aiden is picking up dog shit when he asks her to hold something.

gross.

Well, it isn't shit, it's a ring box.

He opens it and it is a lovely, lovely ring, not at all like the one before.

"omg, it isn't--" Carrie stops herself before she reveals she threw up at the sight of the old ring.

He finishes proposing and Carrie happily says yes and they hug and it's cute.  A bad idea.  But cute.

--
The next scene is probably one of my favorite scenes of the whole run of the show.

Miranda's doorbell rings.  She opens the door, and there on his knees is Steve with the awful engagement ring.

"What are you fucking crazy?!" She shouts.

"That's your answer?" Steve asks with a really funny look on his face.

"Why are you proposing?!" Miranda is still gobsmacked.

"I thought that's what you wanted!" He answers.

"I don't want to marry you Steve."

"Well, I don't wanna marry you either."

He talks about the baby and wanting to be a stand-up father.  He doesn't know how to navigate this in a non-traditional way.  This show is so ahead of it's time in this way.  It's fucking genius.

"That doesn't mean we have to get married," Miranda says, "You're not in love with me, right?"

"No, especially not right now, I'm not." He says.

"Then you need to say that every day because when you see me with this baby you're going to think that we belong together. You're going to think that you're in love with me." She explains.

"I dunno. I've seen you with my dog and mostly you just seem uncomfortable." Steve quips.

They decide that they'll figure the whole thing out.  No biggie.  Then Miranda admits that she knows that's a hand-me-down ring, "I would never say yes to a hand-me-down ring!"

"Fine, frankly I can't afford a stupid ring or a wedding."

"See? this is working out already." Miranda says as she shuts the door.

--

In the last scene, Carrie goes out with Sam to show her the ring, and talk her down from a ledge.  Sam really doesn't want Carrie to get married.  But apparently not that much since it was Sam's mischief that got Carrie a beautiful ring.

"So now you want me to get married?" Carrie asks.

"No, but if you're going to ruin all our lives, I'd at least like to look at a nice piece of jewelry," Sam jokes.

She thanks her friend for saving her from a terrible ring, and we all sort of do.

As the episode fades, Carrie calls Sam sleeping with her boss, "a mistake" and it's just a little too rich.  Stay in your lane, Carrie.

That's all!