Season 2 Episode 16 Was It Good For You?

Sorry, I skipped last week's recap. Things are back on track here! I'm ready to dive back in. This week's episode asks the all-important question there is literally no good answer for:

How do you know if you're good or bad in bed?

(the other all-important questions there is literally no good answer for include “Do I look fat in this?” and the ever frightening “How old *do* I look?)

Let's begin!

This episode begins with Charlotte in bed with a very hard-working orthopedic surgeon. It's important to note that he is hard working because he has fallen asleep right on top of her, right in the middle of doing it. Quel Horreur!

Charlotte is beside herself! She cries to Carrie, laments that she must be really bad in bed. Carrie is trying to be supportive, says that even though no one has fallen asleep on her, that many of them probably wanted to. And then she offers her tea. “Charlotte, you want some tummy tamer?”

Carrie then gossips to Sam while out on the street. Sam is the worst frenemy to Charlotte. She isn't surprised at all about Charlotte being -bad in bed-. Carrie, as she does, comes to Charlotte's defense, and asks if it really matters whether one is good or bad.

Sam decisively insists that who you are in bed is who you are in life. She knows she's good in bed and apparently she's got a resume to prove it (and references). But there's more! Recently she was invited into bed by a pair of sexy, healthy, gay men. Carrie is the audience at this point, looking at her like she's got two heads.

“So, I'm thinking about doing it.”

“they're gay!” Carrie shouts!

“You know, for a sex columnist you have a very limited view of sexuality” (FUCKING RIGHT?!)

“Gay is pink suede!” Carrie digs in.

“Wake up! It's 2000!” (For a minute there I forgot she was talking about the year) “The New Millennium won't be about sexual labels, it'll be about sexual expression. It won't matter if you're sleeping with men or women. It'll be about sleeping with individuals... It won't matter if you're gay or straight--”

“Just if you're good, or bad in bed?”

“Exactly.”

I WISH that we had gotten to that point. Now it feels like labels sort of bog us down. Recently I got into it on the internet with someone who corrected me-- I had labeled a character bisexual, and this internet person corrected me, said character was -pansexual- and I'm like, that's fucking divisive isn't it? I acknowledge as an educated person that gender is fluid, but it took us fucking decades to fight for visibility, can we not erase bisexuality already? There are still people out there who think we should pick a side.

And don't get me started, I know that the dreaded episode where this show explores bisexuality is coming up. :dreads:

So for now labels are kind of necessary. We, as a society, aren't -that- non-judgmental yet.

--

Later, after Carrie writes on her little computer, she's walking down the street when out of nowhere a cigarette leaps out and bites her arm! She's shocked, but only minorly injured. The guy who threw it uses the excuse “I'm a smoker” but seems apologetic enough. Carrie decides to invite the cute guy who injured her out to coffee. (She really is a masochist)

They have a neat little time in an outdoor cafe. She has to go though, and before she does she writes down her number for him, saying some cute things cutely, according to her. In reality, it sounds sort of like a bad joke where she's ha-ha threatening to sue for injuries ha-ha.

ha.

He doesn't call her back (gee, I wonder why?)

And Carrie wonders if her whole life is ruined while helping Miranda make her bed. Miranda is like, “Get a grip! A guy doesn't call you for a week and suddenly you're ugly?”

Seriously.

Miranda is replacing her sheets with new ones because she's trying to change her bed karma. (“If you make it, he will come!”) But there's a little snag in one of the pillowcases and she cries, "Does everything I bring into this bedroom have to have a flaw?" Carrie laughs at her, so Miranda hits her with the pillow. ><

The following weekend, Carrie walks into the cigarette thrower on the street again. She lets herself be known, introduces herself to the guy he's talking to, but he's kinda busy and brusquely says that they are in the middle of something. Carrie is a little mortified, and starts walking away. Quickly. But Cigarette Thrower runs after her and comes clean.

He's an alcoholic. On his way to an AA meeting. He's only been sober for 11 months, so it's a no-go for dating at the moment.

Carrie is relieved that she isn't ugly, at least. And rather than leave the man who is clearly wrong for her and not ready to date on the street to his meeting, she instead gets him to ask her out.

I think she should go back to Dr. G.

On their first -official- date, they go for coffee, and Cigarette Thrower talks about how he compulsively eats cookies.

Carrie says she's like that with reese's pieces.. and shoes.

“Aren't the shoes a little hard on digestion?”

And then, when they arrive at her apartment, she leans in to give him a kiss goodnight, and he doesn't do it. “I knew he was into me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-goodnight move, I'd accidentally-on-purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.” Narrator Carrie has such a clever way of speaking.

At the end of their third date, she “wanted him even more than a fistful of reese's pieces.” So she leans in for a goodnight kiss, and he looks up, so the kiss lands on his chin.

AWKWARD.

“That was that,” Narrator Carrie says as she turns to enter her apartment, “I'd hit my humiliation limit. And then I thought, how many cute, smart, sexy, single, smoking alcoholics are left in the world? Five?”

So, Carrie turns around and forcibly pulls him in and kisses him to the tune of Diana Ross. Hot.

She asks if he wants to come up, but he has reservations. He's never had sex sober and doesn't know if he'd be any good.

I guess he's never heard of whiskey dick.

Cheesiest line alert: “Oh what the hell, let's take it one step at a time.”

He apparently has the best sex of his entire life. And afterwards starts jumping on the bed with glee.

He says over and over that Carrie was the best, and that he wants to do it again. And again and again and again, I'm sure.

Next morning, the foursome talk over breakfast. Carrie orders enough food for at least three people.

“Storing up for winter?” Sam playfully asks.

Carrie admits that she and Cigarette Thrower had sex all night long.

Then she looks over, apologetically at Charlotte. “No, don't stop. It's OK. Just because I'm bad in bed doesn't mean everyone has to be.”

“Ok, one more time, you are not bad in bed.” Miranda takes the bait.

“Oh really, has a man fallen asleep making love to you?”

“No, but I once fell asleep when a guy was doing me” Sam helpfully adds, “It was the ludes.”

“It's OK,” Charlotte responds, “I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things, like accessories, that I may need a little help with others like--” She waves her hands and Sam helps her along, “fucking?” “--making love. So. I'm taking a class--” “A fucking class?!” Sam interrupts.

“--No! A tantric sex workshop... It's called 'How to Please a Man'”

“I know how to please a man, just give away most of your power!” Ever pessimistic, Miranda adds.

“Look! I have a trainer for the gym, I can have a trainer for--” “fucking?!” “--please stop saying that!”

Carrie asks if she's actually going to do it, and Charlotte reveals that she's already signed all of them up. None of them want to go- “I could teach the damn class!” Sam insists, but they all decide to go in support of their down and out friend.

–

Sam is ready to do it with the gay couple, the Davids. She is primping a little bit in her bathroom, wondering if she's capable of doing this. She decides to have a conversation beforehand to talk it over. This all gets thrown out the window as soon as she greats the Davids in their cute boxer briefs. They are overwhelmed by her sexiness and proceed to nibble their way down her body in tandem, giggling and gleeful.

When they reach her stomach they suddenly each develop a case of 'I don't want to' and leave her high and-- well, at least a little moist. David says “Let's go out for gelato!” “Or cheesecake!” David suggests. “Whatever!”

She is no longer as confident in her fantastic sex score. D:

–

At the tantric sex workshop, Carrie worried about Cigarette Thrower. She confides in Miranda, “I think Cigarette Thrower is addicted to me.” “Yeah, program guys are tough. I dated a guy once who was in over-eaters anonymous and every time we had a fight he would binge eat hot fudge sundaes.”

Charlotte glances at the two of them who are currently interrupting the tantric workshop instructor.

“shhh!”

They pay no mind, and continue to interrupt.

“He wants to have sex all the time, it's getting a little out of hand.”

“Well, at least he wants to fuck you!” Sam is taking the slight personally.

“They were gay.”

“So?” Sam is disheartened. “One minute they were into it and the next suddenly they weren't! What did I do to turn them off?”

Miranda helpfully says, “Not having a dick would be the thing you did to turn them off.”

“You guys! I'm serious! This is rude!” GO CHARLOTTE! RUDE FUCKS!

Sam says one more thing, and Charlotte has had quite enough, “Be quiet and you might learn something! This lady is supposed to be a genius.”

Miranda asks Charlotte, “If she's so good, why are we having this workshop in her apartment?”

Charlotte flusters, “I don't know!”

They soon find out why they are in her apartment: The Doctor's husband comes out from the bedroom, removes his robe so he's fully nude and ready to be tantricked.

And she's off, illustrating some sort of tantric move, but really she's just giving her husband a handy.

You know, I wonder if the whole thing isn't some outrageous voyeuristic kink that she and her husband are involved in.

She does it for a long while, Miranda Carrie and Sam can't stop talking and giggling and joking, and at one point the Dr has to tell them to compose themselves.

Embarrassing.

Finally, finally, the moment we've all been waiting for! Release!

Right on Miranda's hair and face.

 

She was at least half a room away, that's quite a feat!

–

Carrie and Cigarette Thrower are walking down the street, talking. Cigarette thrower has been dying to tell her that he loves her. Which is, well, almost as awkward as the last scene. Carrie tells him that it's too fast, and that maybe they should take some time apart and that she'll call him in a week or two.

He really isn't digging that, is dismayed to find that she doesn't want him to come up.

So, he gets completely wasted and comes back hours later. He's shouting, totally fall down drunk, and blaming her for falling off the wagon. (on the wagon?)

She doesn't go down to rescue him, even as he's taking his clothes off. She tosses down a robe, and he's slobbering about how he doesn't care and he wants to die.

She got a letter from him awhile later, relaying how he's back to being sober. She always wondered two things-- if he managed to stay sober and whether she was really -that good- in bed.

Miranda meanwhile, can be seen among her new bedding, using way too many Kleenexes, trying desperately to wipe the memory of that afternoon off her face and hair.

Poor Miranda!

Season 2 Episode 15 Shortcomings

I think Miranda and my worst fear is the same. Family Hour at her gym. Family Hour anywhere.

Kids in public are the fucking worst.

And this kid, who pops out of nowhere and tickles her while she's lifting weights is downright dangerous! Where's the fucking parent?!

I have to say that this entire premise is implausible. Gyms aren't kid-friendly. I know that kid gyms exist, and likewise parent and me gym activities exist, but not in a generic gym chain.

Unless I'm wrong.

Which is possible.

I just think it's rude. Especially when these kids are going to be running around tickling people lifting weights.

So, Miranda does the only logical thing and leaves the gym. She heads to the elevator where a panicking dad tells her not to push the button because his son wants to push it.

Tough fucking luck, kid.

Well, Miranda is nicer than me, says she's in a hurry, and asks the kid to push one, please. The kid pushes ALL of the fucking buttons. No recourse, just oop, sorry my kid is the worst, what are you gonna do? God, I fucking hate bad parenting.

“I'm sure it's just a phase.”

“yeah, the guilty-over-indulgent-phase of a d-i-v-o-r-c-e.”

The dad flirts with Miranda a little bit, and for some reason she bites. The boy is the worst of the worst. He at one point threatens to bite dad, he tells dad to be quiet and stop talking, and is a terrible brat.

And dad's response is to bribe kid with a trip to the toy store if he doesn't bite him.

For some reason Miranda thinks all of these are great qualities to look for in a stand-up guy. I would fucking run.

They enjoy another round of elevator ride until boy pees himself.

--

In the usual foursome assessment, rather than complain about his clear lack of parenting skills, Miranda complains about the divorce factor and how that is his shortcoming.

Perspective, I guess.

Sam offers the solution to round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound, so you can see their history before you buy them.

I'm still stuck on the bad parenting stuff. I don't think the problem is the divorce, it's that the dad can't control the kid. That is going to lead to some real issues, and issues that are divorced from his, well, divorce.

Speaking of people who are divorced whose issues aren't that they are divorced:

Charlotte's brother Wesley, who is separated from his wife Lesley (and who probably works for Nestle) is in town.

Charlotte doesn't want them to meet the brother if he's going to be subjected to scrutiny and ridicule.

Sam says “I'll be scrutiny, you be ridicule.” Miranda replies, “I always have to be ridicule, why can't you be ridicule.”

Carrie is dating someone new! Young Justin! From Parks and Rec!

He's a writer here, of short stories and he seems nice and sweet. His name is Vaughn. They have a cute chemistry. He has to drop some books off at his parents' townhouse, and if he doesn't stop in and say hi, he's looking at two months of hard family time.

The family is... neat. They have charisma. There are a few weird little things of note, on the flow, some of the conversation is-- odd.

His mother is really great, recognizes Carrie almost instantly and brings in the dad to meet her. Vaughn wants to leave, but mother won't let them go. She presses Carrie to write about Revirginization and the women who get surgeries to be like new again (well, aren't they clever! Notes Carrie). It is odd, and how Carrie will fit it into her weekly column about sex and dating is dubious. Vaughn explains that mother just finished a documentary about genital mutilation.

And apropos of absolutely nothing that came before it, Mom says “And I typed all his short stories for him when he was twelve.” Nothing to do with anything either before or after it.

Dad comes in the room finally and asks if Carrie wants to speak at Columbia at his seminar on cultural zeitgeist. We'll soon see how well Carrie speaks in front of people later on in season 3. ><

I love the way the family talks, about JD Salinger and sexual culture. It is exceptional, and like, funny. Like an interesting liberal arts lecture.

Vaughn again insists that he wants to leave, and even Carrie is like, “Are you kidding me? Leave now?!”

–

Miranda is on a park date with divorced guy and the kid.

The guy talks about how being a divorcee with a kid is like being fly-paper for women.

I don't know why.

Miranda says he's like the holy grail for women, because he wants stability and a good home-life.

Then she gets smacked by kid with a rather large stick.

I told you to run!

–

Charlotte has baked muffins for her brother. She is trying to cheer Wesley up, but he'd rather have vodka-- “I don't have any!” “And you call yourself a wasp?!”

Charlotte is in over her head. She doesn't understand why he doesn't just work it out with his wife. “Relationships take work and understanding!” She explains like it's always so simple, and Wesley is sage-like, “Charlotte, when was your last long-term relationship?” “Oh, just eat your muffin!” I love how feisty she is.

–

Vaughn and Carrie race home after the afternoon family-time. Apparently family-time really gets these two in the mood. The music here is perfectly frantic, setting the scene perfectly., they are stumbling through the door, making out through several rooms and frantically pulling each others clothes off,-- and, oh, oh, oh.

D:

“It was inevitable this would happen... I just didn't know it would happen so quickly.”

--

“Get out now, before he stains all your sheets!” Sam is just spot on this episode.

Miranda and Carrie try to rationalize away the-- ahem, shortcoming.

“Look, the guy can't get his Cadillac into the garage. Honey, I'm sorry, I hate being right about this!”

“I like him” Carrie idiots.

“well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.”

“but the thing I like best about him is his family.”

“ooh, anyone there you could fuck?” Sam really is looking out for her friend. They look at her like she has three heads. “What? I'm trying to be helpful!”

Carrie talks a bit about how great Vaughn's family is, and how much she has a crush on them. She calls them the Tom Cruise of Charismatic families. Which is ironic, because Tom Cruise really doesn't have charisma like what she's talking about. I don't think he had it even when this was filmed. Needless to say, he isn't the first choice I have as an example of a guy with charisma.

Even now, I can't think of anyone who does have that charisma from back then, certainly not an actor. Maybe a comedian. Or a TEDtalks person. They didn't have those back then.

I'm getting off track. Miranda rightly says (at least for her story-line) that family is supposed to be the obstacle for relationships. And then Sam sort of creepily talks about someone she fucked when she was thirteen because his family had a pool and his mom made cookies and kool-aid for her.

It is really creepy to be honest. I'm not certain the writers meant for her to say she was sexually active that young, but it's there. It belies the episode coming up in season 3 where Sam lectures several thirteen-year-old girls who shouldn't be talking so much about boys and fucking-- “At least till you're 16 and start having sex.”

–

Writer Carrie talks about relationships and family, and how many people are emotionally involved when you sleep with someone. It actually seems like a meaningful topic and right in line with everything going on in the episode. From Charlotte and her brother's divorce, to Miranda and the son of the guy she's seeing. I wonder how that little boy feels seeing guy date so many women so soon after the divorce.

No wonder he peed his pants in the elevator.

–

Carrie and Sam go out to meet Charlotte's brother at a bar. Charlotte is pissed that Carrie brought their mutual friend Sam, because “look look, she's doing it already!” “What? They're talking?”

Sam wants to take Wesley to a Jazz club.

 

 And Charlotte doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to encourage this foolishness. But, you know, he's an adult and goes alone with Sam to Charlotte's chagrin.

--

Miranda is meanwhile in bed with the divorced guy. They seem to be getting on. She has to slip away to the bathroom. While peeing naked, the little boy races into the bathroom and before he can see anything, she slams the door right in his face. He's bleeding, and possibly really hurt.

She wraps herself in a towel before exiting the bathroom. She tries to make light about the whole situation, but divorced guy tells her to just go.

“The one thing about families. If no one's sorry to see you go, then you're probably not coming back.”

Poor Miranda. D:

–

Charlotte wakes up to find Samantha wearing Wesley's shirt in her kitchen. Sam is looking for coffee filters and Charlotte is affronted. She confronts Sam, “You and my brother? You slept with my brother?”

“oh honey, what a doll, he really--”

“Is your vagina in the New York City Guidebooks? because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town, it's always open!!”

Now it was Sam's turn to be affronted. She is stunned, standing there looking at her.

Wesley walks through the tension in the kitchen, moves to run his hand on Sam's shoulder, but she wisely moves away from him, throws the coffee can into the sink and escapes the scene. Wesley is like, “What did you say?”

Charlotte tries to explain her shock, and rationalize her slut-shaming.

Wesley is having absolutely none of it, “Who asked you to butt your nose into my-- Samantha wait, don't go!” He turns to run after Sam who is wearing the dress from last night, shoe-less, and currently escaping from Charlotte's apartment.

He grabs his keys and follows Samantha out of the scene.

drama!

Let's just skip over the next scene shall we? Carrie has another unfortunate experience with Vaughn. Eek again.

Charlotte and her brother talk it out. He says that if Charlotte hands him a muffin he's out of there. Lol.

She starts by trying, again, to explain about Sam and her sluttiness, and again, Wesley is having none of it. “It was fun.”

“I know, I know, now you had your little fling and now you can get back with Lesley and you can work it out, right?” She waxes hope, and smears a little on the window.

“We're not working it out. You think you know Wesley and Lesley?” Wesley calmly explains, “Let me tell you about Wesley and Lesley. Lesley is frigid. And before last night, Wesley hadn't gotten laid in two years.”

“Oh my god!” Charlotte is starting to get it.

“I mean, I was going out of my mind,” Wesley continues, “I've seen a pastor, I've seen a shrink, until I saw Samantha I didn't realize what I really needed. Sex.”

“So, my frenemy's terrible sexual perversion is a good thing?” (I'm summarizing)

“It was a friggin great thing. That Samantha. You've got a good friend there.”

Charlotte realizes the mess she's made with Samantha and how hurtful she was. She decides to bring over a very large wicker basket of muffins and ask for forgiveness.

Samantha is probably the most well-rounded and nicest person on the whole show. If one of my friends called me a whore, I probably wouldn't ever want to see them again. EVER.

But Sam forgives her friend, invites her in with a great bum slap and a hug, and now I have fun naughty thoughts to tide me over till DH gets home. :D

–

Miranda hasn't learned her lesson about family hour at the gym. She is escaping from that hellhole for the second time this episode.

She has learned her lesson about the elevator though:

“Oh, do you mind? My little shit stain loves to push the button.”

“Yeah? Well, so do I.”

bam.

–

Vaughn tries for one more romp in the sack, but is cut short. Not by himself this time, but Carrie who wants to talk about it.

He doesn't want to talk about it. He complains that he's been talking about sex since he was two.

(this isn't as creepy as it sounds really, his mother in another scene talks to Carrie about how she was always upfront and honest with her kids about sex, they knew the proper names for their parts. I concur with her. Knowing the name for his penis at the age of 2 is NOT talking about sex. Christ.)

Rather than breaking it off right then and there, they decide to go to his family's house again. This time isn't as great as the first. Vaughn is acting like an asshole, rampaging around looking for the cream cheese and getting in everyone's way with his attitude. Carrie decides she has had enough of his bullshit and leaves. Before she can go, Mom stops her in the hall, begging her to stay, saying that they can work through anything.

Carrie doesn't really want to get into the sex problems with his mother it is just too awkward, but Vaughn's mother assures Carrie that she knows all about his shortcomings after talking about it with his last girlfriend (creepy!). His mother then says one of the most stupidest lines in the whole goddamn show-- alienating long-term married folks to boot: “ 77% of marriages are sexless...”

Where the fuck did she even get that statistic??

I don't have even a morsel of a response to it, it is so stupid.

Carrie realizes that the person she actually has to break up with is his mother, and they have the mature break-up. Carrie assures Vaughn's mother that she'll keep in touch.

And we never see her again.

The end.

I really really like this episode. It is really enjoyable from start to finish. :nods:

Thanks for joining me! The next episode is just as fun, I think!

Season 2 Episode 14 The Fuck Buddy

This is the last episode with Skipper. Poor Skipper. He's having a bad time. Another girlfriend broke up with him and he's sore about it.

Well, Carrie wants to get to the bottom of it. What did she say she thought was wrong?

“Skipper you're a very sweet guy” girlfriend #1 starts with a sultry sort of raspy voice that is irresistible, tbh, “I mean, this isn't about anything you did it's just that we're in very different places right now, we want different things from life. I feel like I need to spend more time alone.”

“So actually,” Skipper replies, “we want the same things! We want to spend more time with you!”

–

Three months before that, Another girl's excuse:

“The timing is wrong, that's all.” Girlfriend #2 is brunette and really adorable. “You're one of the nicest guys I've ever known. It's just that I feel like I've reached a time in my life when I need to focus on my career and I don't want to feel guilty about that.”

“But I don't want you to give up your career.”

“I know! I know! You've been great. You really deserve someone who will appreciate you. I just don't feel like I have anything left to give at the moment.”

–

And last year, was Miranda. She says in a deadpan:

“I feel like I need to spend more time alone. I've just reached a point in my life where I need to focus on my career. I just don't think I have anything to give at the moment. Skipper, What else can I say?!”

Past Skipper bows his head all dejected.

–

Back to the present, Skipper continues with Carrie about how horrible his luck is with women. Carrie doesn't tell him her astute observation that he is attracted to sweet women who are attracted to mean men.

I don't think Miranda is sweet. But what do I know?

Speaking of Miranda, she's on a date across town with a -very- angry man. He's another lawyer and he's a total asshole.

He goes on about the loud talkers in the theater (OK, I'm behind him with that), but then criticizes Miranda for deigning to enjoy the movie. Then he essentially calls her an idiot for trying to get a cab facing the “wrong” way. She looks visibly annoyed, but she apparently enjoys the rush of adrenaline that comes with being challenged at every fucking turn.

Not to mention the rush of adrenaline that comes with being held against the wall with her arms above her head. Nnnf. That -can- be hot. But seriously though, this guy is a fucking asshole, otherwise.

–

At a park picnic the next day, the foursome are discussing Miranda's angry boyfriend. Miranda hates how he treats her in life, but loves being told what to do in sex and that is strange to her. So Sam suggests that she limit her involvement with him to just sex.

Carrie didn't tell Skipper about his pattern, but she doesn't hold back at all with Miranda:

“...Maybe you should face the fact that you're attracted to angry guys.”

Miranda uses Skipper as a defense, and Carrie rightly points out that she broke up with him because he was too nice.

I don't know why she forgets about Steve, the nicest guy until we get to Aiden, who is the nicest guy until we get to Harry.

Sam is proud that she doesn't have a pattern with men.. But she does. Anyone can see her pattern, it is obvious.

Charlotte's pattern is also as obvious, and the girls lay it out accurately enough to Charlotte's chagrin:

“You wait for a perfect guy to ask you on a perfect date” Miranda starts, and Carrie picks up the lead, “And when he does you project this HUGE fantasy on him, setting up these enormous expectations--” Sam interrupts, “--which promptly blow up in your pretty little face.”

“That's a horrible pattern.” Charlotte meekly eats a biscuit or whatever. Her friends try to give her advice about juggling men, and Charlotte does take the advice to heart.

I once watched the director's commentary on one of these episodes, and he talked about how when the girls take their friends advice, they usually live to regret it. This is no exception.

Sam points out to all the women that they need to all stop dating one man at a time, look how much time Carrie wasted on Big for example.

Carrie reveals that she actually may have learned something from her shrink in the last episode:

“Big was an aberration. Next time I meet a handsome, wealthy, and emotionally unavailable 43-year-old man I'll know what to expect.”

And Miranda follows up with why Carrie shouldn't have quit the shrink so fast: “Will you? Or will you just make the same mistake all over again?”

Writer Carrie goes home and writes in her little laptop about whether we are all dating the same person over and over again.

I like the line-up of interviews this episode, especially this one:

“Well, I guess I have dated quite a few artists, but I don't think they were all the same person. OK! Yes, they were all narcissists with commitment phobias and substance abuse issues, but in my opinion the painters were very different from the sculptors.”

–

In her room, Samantha is trying to get some sleep, but can't because the couple in the room next to hers is flaunting their sex life. She decides if you can't join em, beat it. >< “having a wall between herself and the person she was having sex with fit Samantha's pattern to a T”

She gets an invitation, later on in the episode, to actually join the couple whom she's never met. Unfortunately for her, they are a very old couple and gross.

 

So, she breaks her usual pattern and asks them to keep it down. She then moves her bed to the other side of her room. So, Samantha -does- know the word 'no!'

–

Carrie is feeling restless. She spends every night out till 3, sleeps till noon, and has developed the bad habit of calling old fuck buddies.

John the fuck buddy is the worst. He's the Beeper King from 30 Rock. No, I really think he is the same character. He even sells phone cards. He doesn't call anyone a dummy though.

 

 Lol. I think if I were ranking Carrie's boyfriends, he would be at the very bottom. Right under the jazz man with ADHD.

Carrie invites John the Fuck Buddy out to dinner, but they don't make it out of her apartment.

It seems like he's a normal sweet guy, he always comes when he's called, and performs well enough. She asks herself why she'd been holding onto him for so long, relegated to the “fuck buddy” shelf. So, rather than leaving him there where he's useful, she pulls him down, dusts him off, and invites him to actual dinner next weekend.

–

“Carrie you can't date your fuck buddy!” Samantha says while the foursome are at Yoga. “You're going to turn the only man in your life who's there purely for sex and turn him into a human being?”

Charlotte is confused “What is a fuck buddy?!”

Everyone rolls their eyes, of course -she- wouldn't know. So, while moving to a new yoga position, Carrie explains what a fuck buddy is. He's a guy you maybe dated once or twice but the sex was so good that you just kinda keep him on hold.

Charlotte feels a niggling bit of jealousy that whenever they are -horny- they can call someone and he'll just come right on over. “Well, he's not a slave, he does have a life” Sam explains. “But you don't really have to know about it.” Miranda adds.

“And, you're usually guaranteed him within six hours or less.” Carrie finishes.

“And you all have one?” Charlotte asks again.

Miranda explains that she did, but her “dial-a-dick” moved to Chicago and now they have phone sex-- “Why'd he move to Chicago?” Carrie asks politely, Miranda bows and says plainly, “I have absolutely no idea.”

Charlotte is emboldened by all of this and invites a cute man out after yoga. She -never- asks guys out. Ever.

–

Carrie meanwhile, is getting dressed up for her night out with her fuck buddy, John. He shows up and immediately starts making out with her, she has to stop him and let him know that she made a reservation at a sushi restaurant. “oh, I see,” He licks his lips, “sushi!”

Oh no! A real life reservation, you know, Japanese food.

Awkward.

 

At the restaurant, he makes the absolute regrettable pun “sake to me” in response to whether he wants sake. Even I grimaced at that. And I adore puns.

He then gives her a phone card, cause he's the beeper king. She asks for a whole hour next time, all flirtatiously since she's still trying to scrape together some semblance of a cute date out of this mess, and it goes right over his head and he continues his phone business spiel.

Awkward again.

She ends up taking him to bed, if only to erase the stagnant memory of the past two hours.

–

Miranda prepares the foursome to meet her angry new boyfriend. He's running late, but it gives her just enough time to prep them. And enough time for a mini conversation about Charlotte juggling many many dates this week. She was so emboldened by their talk that she even has two dates on the same night. Everyone is thrown that -she- of all people is juggling.

“my god, you're turning into a man” Samantha says.

“Apparently, Charlotte had broken more than a pattern, she'd actually changed genders--” Narrator Carrie narrates-- “I just don't know how I'm going to eat two dinners in a row.” Charlotte interrupts the narration.

“And then, just like that she was a woman again.”

The angry boyfriend deigns to actually show up in a huff. He loudly complains about a bad taxi driver, and makes racist remarks to boot. Miranda starts to introduce her friends to him, but he has to go make a quick phone call and before he goes, rudely and loudly demands a glass of beer from the waitress off screen. Waitress spills some while she sets it down, and Miranda is seen sopping the minor mess and wiping down the stein.

“What are you doing?” her friends ask her.

“I just don't want him going off on the waitress.”

She has a problem, clearly. She continues to defend him, again saying that once he makes partner he'll be a decent human being.

Let's just say I have my doubts.

–

Charlotte's dates seem to go well enough, she feigns a cold in order to make it to the second one, and during her goodnight kiss with bachelor #2 outside her apartment, they run into bachelor #1 who had dropped off soup. You know, for her cold.

The men are totally pissed off, both dumping her on the spot and catching a cab together. They lived happily ever after.

j/k, the show isn't -that progressive- more like the men were angry that a -woman- took her love-life in her own hands and they both refused to acknowledge the double standard they just subjected her to. Poor Charlotte though, she'll never take advice from her friends again.

–

Miranda's boyfriend made partner! So, now he's acting like a good-natured, totally decent human being! Just kidding, he's even more high-strung. He goes off on Miranda for celebrating with him for his making partner and she finally gets that he's an asshole and walks away from him, leaving him sitting at the outdoor cafe with his champagne.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to never-never land, and by the way, NEVER-NEVER call me again.”

She sees Skipper from afar, and calls out to him, it was the perfect time to meet such a nice sweet guy, immediately after she'd just dumped angry-man for being angry. But Skipper tells her off, yelling at her for dumping him, and telling her not to tell him what to do. She has the hugest smile on her face, and it is totally comical, actually. “Can't we just talk?” she says to him after he finishes yelling at her on the street.

His anger inspired Miranda to be -attracted to him- even more. Which is horrifying to be honest.

–

Carrie tries to go out with John the Fuck Buddy again, to the movies. I don't know WHY! She makes bad choices. Honestly.

He is so so stupid. God.

“Was it a comedy?” He asks about the movie they just watched.

'err. No?”

“didn't think so.”

She tries to talk about how beautiful her neighborhood is, with the historical brownstones and lovely trees. His response: “Your tits look really great in that thing.”

She tells him he can't come up and decides to break up with him. So now she's thrown back into her old pattern of restlessness.

She really should join a nunnery or learn to knit or something.