It begins with Narrator Carrie pontificating about New York in the Spring. She talks about how easy it is to love New York and how difficult it is to actually say it to Big.
She has a level playing field with New York-- it says that it loves Carrie as much as she says she loves it. But not Big.
In the first scene with Big, Carrie is eating toast and they look very ordinary and she realizes that she loves Big, but doesn't say it. He calls her hon, and it is kind of cute in an ordinary 'aren't we monogamous adults' way.
The first time she feels like actually saying the words (and going out on a ledge with her feelings-- yet again--) is on the street after they attend a ballet. And he hates the ballet. you know, I don't think I could trust a man who didn't adore the ballet. Ballet is incredible. He insists that the people were on wires-- which should make you enjoy it MORE you doof! She says that she loves... his hair that way, and musses it. He looks peeved and she laughs.
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Another aside, because I really DO love this show. I love how Carrie acts in her apartment the way a normal person would. She lopes around the various pieces of furniture, she changes her shoes in her very large closet. It is all very homey and I like it. Not to mention, for the amount of money she spends on rent in her rent-controlled flat, and how little time she spends updating and repairing, it feels real. Good size, not enormous, and definitely not filmed in a TV studio. And if it is, good job set designers!
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Finally, she does say it. In the weirdest way. He gives her a terrible looking diamond duck purse and she is completely flabbergasted. She hates the purse. But she says she loves him. And he looks completely stunned and pretends she didn't just say that. Cause he's an ass. He says he'll wait for her outside.
And she talks about it to her friends in the usual four-way in the next scene. Her friends remind her that it wasn't a large diamond duck ring, but a terrible purse. And Carrie says that she is going to let the sentiment stand about as long as it takes for milk to curdle before she breaks up with him. About a week.
Sam, as usual, has the best insight on the whole thing:
"You know, its so interesting. You can tell a man you hate him and have the best sex of your life. But, tell him you love him, and you'll probably never see him again"
Miranda has recently had a brain transplant and waxes optimistic about how Big is probably out there trying to find the best way for him to say that he loves her back. Carrie pets her and looks at her pityingly. No, he's not doing that. WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM THEN CARRIE?!
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This segues nicely into the next scene with Miranda and Steve. Steve is a bartender and Miranda is a very successful lawyer, but Steve insists on paying for everything. This presents a problem for Miranda who is a modern woman, but she does let him take her out as long as it is a place she knows that he can afford. Like Pizza. But while they are nomming on the best slices in the city, Miranda invites him to a company party, which requires him to wear a suit-- "You do have a suit right?"
"Sure I do. It's really nice. It's gold."
"It's gold?"
"Yeah, you know; it's corduroy." Let's all do an outward cringe together.
Miranda looks at him like a mother. All disappointed. She says nothing. He responds "What's wrong with corduroy?"
"I don't have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy."
Steve takes Miranda back to his place. It is AWFUL. It's a tiny basement apartment, complete with disgusting stained walls. And there, in the closet, is the gold corduroy suit jacket. And there is Miranda feeling her very first pangs of yuppy guilt. (how fucking insulated is she that these are her very first pangs? New York is one of the most expensive cities in the world and she has recently bought her own apartment there)
Steve jokes that he modeled it after De Niro's places in Taxi Driver, and that she doesn't have to come back if she doesn't want to. Miranda obliges.
--
In the next scene, the girls are getting their toe nails done in a salon. Charlotte tries to comfort Miranda, saying that a lot of artists work in bars before they make their big breaks. Miranda reminds her that he's not an artist/bartender, he's just a bartender.
Samantha asks how he is in bed, the all-important question. Miranda blushes and says there are no words. So, Sam says that it sounds like a dream relationship to her.
Charlotte doesn't know how Miranda can get serious with a man whose whole future is based on tips, and Carrie points out that men frequently date women who make a lot more than their partners and it's no big deal; it's about compatibility. Charlotte quips that it's normal for a man to make more than a woman. UGH. The women collectively roll their eyes and balk.
Miranda reminds them that it doesn't matter to HER, she just doesn't want the imbalance to matter to HIM. She doesn't want it to be a problem, she wants to enjoy her success, not apologize for it. Then the entire audience gives a standing ovation.
Charlotte pries in with thoughts about how separate incomes means more than just a difference in money, but also backgrounds, education. Steve is working class.
They chide her for saying "working class" and Charlotte rightfully points out that they're acting like we live in a classless society, but we don't-- then quickly darts her eyes to the four Asian ladies that are presently on their knees polishing the foursome's toe nails in the scene. The foursome look like they just smelled something bad. I think it's yuppy guilt.
Samantha talks about the guy she's dating right now who has an actual servant. The man in question is a real estate investor who -get this- made a killing turning Chelsea sweatshops into luxury co-ops. how relevant to the topic du jour!
The Thai woman speaks with a heavy accent, and is very servile. Or so she seems.
Writer Carrie is in the next scene wondering if the class system has been replaced by a caste system and if we can date outside our caste. I think I can parse what this means, but it is giving me a weird headache. I mean, castes? I guess it plays into Carrie's later discomfort being an invitee to a horrible fifth avenue party with Big.. But is that because of her "caste" or because she, herself is a snob against rich people? She feels so incredibly insecure next to Big and his money (you know, the way Steve is about Miranda), but Carrie internalizes and feels there is something intrinsic about people that would cause them to be poor. As if money works that way and it isn't rigged for rich people to get richer.
I really hate that mindset in America. That it is a poor person's fault that they are poor, rather than the situation they were born into... OOOOH. We really do live in a caste system.
alright. let's Carrie on.
Big has taken Carrie out to a lovely romantic dinner. Carrie can smell something is up "the way you can smell a thunderstorm right before it hits... two days after I said "I love you", Big had found his own way to say "I love you" to me."
"Listen. There's something I've been meaning to tell you ever since the night I gave you the purse." --Carrie leans in, fondly preparing for a lightning strike-- "you can take it back if you don't like it."
"That became the first night I wanted to tell Big 'I hate you.'"
SERIOUSLY THOUGH.
she stubs her cigarette and blows smoke toward oblivious Big, a look of deep loathing in her blue eyes.
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In a scene of pure levity for this shit show of feelings, Charlotte greets a man at work whose caste all others deferred to and honored without question: The movie star. He's meandering her art gallery. He has stopped in front of a large sign that has an artists' name on it, and immediately underneath is a fire extinguisher.
He asks how much for the fire extinguisher piece.
She stifles laughter, corrects him that that is a real fire extinguisher for the gallery, in case there's a fire.
But Charlotte being always proper, offers him the extinguisher, jokes that people will probably think it's a Jeff Koons.
The movie star asks if Charlotte wants to close up early and go for a ride with him. She is powerless to resist.
From the limo, while movie star is pissing in the alley, Charlotte calls to brag to Carrie about being in the back of a limo with movie star, that all her rules went right out the window. Carrie tells her to listen to her carefully: "Get out of there immediately!"
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Sam is in bed with the man with the servant. It's morning and Man with Servant tells Sam that she can stay as long as she wants and that Servant will make her breakfast. Then he leaves as Servant dutifully bows and says goodbye to Man with Servant. As soon as the doors close, Servant's act is dropped. She speaks perfect English, and tells Sam to GTFO as she has a lot of work to do. No breakfast for Sam.
Sam leaves in a state of abject confusion.
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Faced with the horror of taking Steve to a law function in a gold corduroy suit, Miranda takes Steve suit shopping. She has the decency to only take him places to eat that he can afford, but lacks the social graces to take him to the men's warehouse. They must be in Barney's or some other New York hoity toity suit shop. Steve looks down at the price and says "geez, I better not spill on it"
Miranda offers to pay for the suit and the shoes since she invited him to the soiree, but Steve insists that it is completely emasculating. His first credit card was declined, so Steve then attempts to pay with two cards, a check and the rest in cash and is outwardly stressed at the prospect of his future credit card bills. Miranda offers one of her cards, and Steve stresses at her that he doesn't want to feel like she's his mother.
Miranda says it's too expensive, that he should forget it. And he irritates to her "would you just let me buy the fucking suit?"
Let's all do another cringe at the awkward.
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And from one awkward situation to another. Carrie is with Big at a party on fifth avenue. All around her, women are carrying bejeweled purses and Carrie realizes that Big has no idea who Carrie is if he wants her to fit in with these rich assholes.
The party hostess refuses to serve brown food or drink, and doesn't let Carrie smoke inside. Well, I am with her on the second part. Carrie leaves the party in a huff to go smoke on the terrace. She'd been cast out of the fancy party.
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Meanwhile, Charlotte finds herself the newest member of Movie star's entourage. He is incredibly gross and disrespectful to her. Firstly, he calls her Charlene, despite Charlotte reminding him several times of her name. Secondly, he forces her to smoke pot by blowing it into her shocked mouth. And Finally, he tells her that he wants her to go to the bathroom, stick her fingers in her pussy, and bring them back to him so he can smell them.
I think it's time for another cringe.
She says that she doesn't think so, and leaves. Another minute at the top and she would have become an untouchable.
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In Samantha's climax, heh, she tries to tell Man with Servant that Sum (the servant) had forced her out of bed and rudely rushed her from his apartment the other morning. Man with Servant tries to explain away the rudeness, saying that Sum's English isn't that good. Sum returns to the scene, smiles innocently at Sam, and wickedly asks in her heavily affected accent whether she wants more food.
And what follows is probably the best pun of the whole episode: Samantha realized that she wasn't so dim, that sum. HA!
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Outside at the uptown party, Carrie realizes that relationships have a caste system of their own. There's the person who says "I love you" and there's the person who never responds. D:
Carrie meets an old friend, Jeremiah, who is serving drinks at the party. Downtown he's a performance artist, uptown he's 'hey kid let me have another scotch and soda'
'hey kid let me have another scotch and soda' wants to show Carrie his new tattoo, which is a dragon that goes all the way down to his knob, he unzips his fly while Carrie leans over in an unfortunate gesture. The hostess sees Carrie appearing to give 'hey kid let me have another scotch and soda' a blow job and leaves the scene. Carrie is frustrated and embarrassed when Big asks if she really gave that caterer a blow job. She responds that " first of all, he's not a caterer, he's a well-known performance artist," and Big says "Oh! well that that doesn't answer the question--" "because it was offensive."
"Well, whatever you're doing, please stop. You're embarrassing me."
"I'm embarrassing you?! Well, maybe if you joined me on the terrace like a gentleman we wouldn't be having this conversation!"
Big says that he wants to leave, and Carrie childishly says that he should leave since she's having such a good time.
---
Miranda is getting ready for the big firm dinner-- oh no they didn't-- and Steve rings her doorbell. He's standing there in jeans. He had to return the suit because he couldn't afford it. (I'm frankly surprised they took it back at all!)
She is frustrated with him since she offered to pay for it in the first place, and he says that she needs to be with someone who's more on her level. He didn't feel good about himself after leaving the suit store. She says "You want to break up with me over a suit? fuck the suit!" and he maturely says that it isn't just about the suit, that there's always going to be things out of his reach.
She starts tearing up, honestly remarks that she's being punished for being successful. And responds that he doesn't mean it that way.
She says thanks for standing her up and it's been nice knowing him and slams the door in his face. Later at the firm party, she is surrounded by Italian Wool and she wonders what the hell was so wrong with corduroy anyway.
There is an awful lot wrong with corduroy. Also there is wool between corduroy and a 2000 dollar suit.
--
Back with Carrie:
Carrie had found "hey kid let me have another scotch and soda" and since he was fired from the waiting job, they go out and have a good time-- drinking a couple pitchers of margaritas and walking back to Carrie's apartment singing LOUDLY the entire way and making out. That's the last thing she remembers that night.
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The next morning, At Man with Servant's house, he is leaving Sam in bed to take a shower. Sam relaxes again as Sum comes in and finds a condom on the night stand (I love how this show is all about safe sex), she calls Sam a cock sucking whore and says that she has to wash the sheets right away. Slut shame alert. D:
Sam wrestles with her a moment, tells her she's being crazy and Sum is knocked to the floor in the tussle. This is when Man with Servant comes in, Sum tells him that "that lady hit her," and he goes to comfort Sum. He tells Sam to get out of here and won't listen to any explanation. Sum gives Sam the most wicked smile underneath Man with Servants comforting gesture.
lol!
Poor Sam!
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Meanwhile, Carrie wakes up to the phone ringing and "hey kid let me have another scotch and soda" is in her bed. It's Big on the other line. He's angry at her still, but acknowledges that he knows why she is mad. He continues and says that he has to do things in his *own time.*
She shushes 'hey kid let me have another scotch and soda' while Big tells her "Well, I fucking love you. It's just a tough thing for me to say, because I always seem to get in trouble when I say it" (pretty sure he gets in trouble when he *doesn't* say it, but what do I know?)
She says that she loves him too, then they hang up. She looks guiltily over at 'hey kid let me have another scotch and soda' and asks if anything happened. He says "definitely Not." Carrie feels like the lowest of the low, but rationalizes that she doesn't have to tell Big about this discretion because everything before "I love you" just doesn't count.
Thanks for joining me on another episode! In the next episode we will pore through still more of the emotional labor that Carrie has to go through in order to be a part of her relationship with Big.
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