Season 3 Episode 1 Where There's Smoke...

Carrie and the girls are heading to Staten Island on the Ferry at the onset of this episode!  How exciting!

ooh!  I just got it.  They are on the ferry in an episode about fairytales. More like FERRY-tales, amiright?

Carrie has been asked to judge a whole bunch of firefighters for their annual calendar. hot. Really it's exactly how you'd imagine a slave auction pre-show.  Each man individually goes up and struts his stuff in front of hundreds of women, dancing to disco.  It's loud and crowded.  Charlotte doesn't understand why they couldn't hold it in a bar in Manhattan.  Miranda doesn't want to move to the back of the crowd because she can't see the pretty firemen without her glasses.  Sam is already interested in at least one of the firefighters on the stage.

Carrie is currently flirting with a fellow judge --the token straight one-- a politician running for  controller. I don't know what a controller is. I don't want to look it up either. I'm sick of politics for the year, SICK.



She doesn't want to flirt with him, but she's putting up a good show of it.

The next firefighter to go up is from a firehouse in lower Manhattan, and Samantha tells Charlotte (to her disgust) "I'd like to show him my Lower Manhattan."  I love it!

At the bar after the slave auction calendar judging contest is over, the foursome are dancing to disco. 

Sam is flirting with the firefighter from Lower Manhattan, and he is a real dummy.  Like, really, I think he must have gotten away from his caretaker.



 Like this one.

When the scene cuts to them doing it, Sam let's out a riotous scream that sounds quite a bit like a fireman's alarm.  I really like this trope, it is hilarious.

Back at the bar, Carrie is still not flirting with the Politician.  She won't do it. Well, maybe a little.

"You have the worst taste in guys. ever. You gave that guy from midtown a seven!"
"I like a firefighter with love-handles; it gives you something to hold on to when you ride him down the side of a building."

"You got a point there my friend."

"But you. You were tough! What was up with all those half points?"

"Sometimes a girl needs a half."

 He tries to needle where she lives out of her in the transparent guise of asking her what district she votes in.  It's creepy, but I guess it's supposed to be endearing because he's cute.  She isn't buying it.  She calls him 'Mr President" ironically, and gives him nothing. She doesn't want to date him.

He asks if she's being cold because she just broke up with someone, and she pauses for awhile.  She's thinking about Big-- but didn't they break up like 10 episodes ago? :goes and counts:  OK, it was 6, but she's dated between then and now.  And he's newly married, yes?

Whatever.

"That was an awkward pause"

"It was more like a pause and a half"

She escapes to Miranda to complain about the politician hitting on her.  Miranda doesn't think this is a bad thing, but Carrie rightly points out that she can't date him because he gave someone a thumbs up.  "We're out of here."

Miranda says that Charlotte is around here somewhere, and Carrie asks "How many cocktails did she have?" "A couple, why?"

She's there, behind them, dancing around by herself and singing disco loudly to herself. Totally drunk.

The Ferry ride home is less than stellar.  Miranda and Carrie feel obligated to keep watch and a hand on Charlotte. They are grumpy about that.  Charlotte is currently spinning around one of the poles and yelling about how she's getting married this year!!

"If she falls overboard, I will never stop laughing"
--
At  breakfast next am, Charlotte is deeply regretting the couple of cocktails she had.  Sam is in a great mood. She wants to talk about the fireman's cock, but Charlotte and Carrie veto that ("at least until a more appropriate cocktail hour.")

"Fine! I just wanted to let you know that my fireman was every bit the fantasy I had in mind!"

Charlotte objects. "I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy."



Sam points out that every man fulfills a certain fantasy.

Miranda asks the question women have been asking themselves for ages. "Why are firemen so cute? even when they aren't that cute, they're still cute.  What's up with that?"

Carrie explains. "Well, first there's a weight limit. And second, it's the hero thing."

"It's because women just really want to be rescued" Charlotte is too hungover to realize she said the one thing that independent, single, women in their thirties are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud.

"I'm sorry, but it's true! I've been dating since I was fifteen!  I'm exhausted, where is he?!"

"Who? the white knight?" Miranda is ashamed for her fallen comrade.
"That only happens in fairytales." Sam piles on the shame.

"My hair hurts."

Carrie bolsters her dismayed friend, reminding her that women are supposed to save themselves now, but Charlotte finds that depressing.  :/

Later that day, Writer Carrie asks if women do just want to be rescued.

Miranda is currently at the eye doctor.  She's getting lasik this weekend!  She's excited, and the doctor is calmly going over the after-surgery information. He says that she needs someone to be there to pick her up, take her home and help her get to bed.  She doesn't think she does.  She's a bonified self-rescuer. In fact, Narrator Carrie calls it 'insulting' that the doctor would think that she needs help.

 "I really don't need anybody to help me. I'll be fine!"

 "No, you'll be sedated and your vision will be blurred. You'll need someone to help you get home and to bed."

Cool story bro: DH just got lasik a few months ago, it was exciting for him.  Not having someone there in the office would have been a no-go.  They literally wouldn't do the surgery if I wasn't there and he thought he could get home on his own.  They had a lovely waiting room and the procedure took 20 minutes. Knowing this, the plot makes less sense then it ever did.

And another thing, what the fuck is insulting about needing help sometimes?  She lives in a network of support and help, and she is insulted when someone points this out to her?  what the fuck?

Steve asks later on, while she's talking about her surgery coming up on Saturday, whether she wants him there to hold her hand for support.  She poo poos him, says she doesn't need any one to hold her hand.

"I'm not saying you *need* anyone, I'd just like to be there to help you, whatever."

Then he goes on to offer his help in getting her home and to bed.  She rejects him again and says she's going to ask Carrie.  He's justifiably miffed here.

It is so frustrating watching this! Most women would kill for a partner who supported them in the way that Steve wants to support Miranda. Not RESCUE.  Just SUPPORT.  you know? Humans needing other humans.

Why does Steve keep going after Miranda?  He deserves someone so much better.  goodness.
 --

In the next scene, Charlotte and Carrie are out at a really nice bar somewhere.  Charlotte is determined to meet the man of her dreams so she can marry him this year.  But the first man they meet is a semi-reoccurring character named J.J.-- he's a publicist who runs in the same circles as Sam.  He seems like a one-off guy, but he shows up later over the next few seasons to pester Sam.

He calls Charlotte "Sweet Lips" and they suddenly have to leave.  But they don't leave, they just move to the other side of the bar.

"Hey, you didn't leave, you're just over here now!" He offers again to buy her a drink, she rebuffs him, and he presses and then is told off by a large blond man. And then J.J. is punched in the face by the large blond man.

Charlotte is intrigued by her rescuer. Run, Charlotte!  He's a little quick to punch, if you ask me.

 --

The politician has stalked Carrie and is waiting outside her apartment. Gross. He invites her out again, and she says No. Over and over she says no. He says he'll be waiting for her at a particular time to take her out. Gross.
 --

Next morning, Carrie can't take Miranda to her laser surgery. She really is the worst isn't she?)





So, Miranda decides to go alone. They wouldn't do the surgery then.  GEEZ. This is apparently an alternate universe where they would, and they do.

Thankfully, Steve is a lot nicer than I would be.  He shows up to rescue her.  To her chagrin.

Did she really think they were going to release a valiumed up patient immediately post-surgery?  I mean, DH could see immediately after the lasik, but he wasn't supposed to look at anything.  It is serious, and Miranda is pissing me right off, tbh.

When Miranda wakes up, Steve is there next to her and she finally sees him clearly. Took her long enough.

--
On Charlotte's date with the knight, they are at brunch.  They are gabbing about nothing important, and Charlotte can hear wedding bells.  Suddenly, someone bumps her chair, an accident really.  But the knight comes to her rescue again, literally picking a fight with the chair-bumper.

He's not a guy who comes to a woman's rescue-- he's a man who likes to start fights!




 --

There's an unimportant subplot of Sam living out a firehouse fantasy-- which ends up being a complete nightmare.

And back to Carrie who is ready for her date with the politician, can see him outside her window, but doesn't want to go down.  After he drives off, she calls Miranda who explains her great pause, saying another thing that independent, single women in their thirties aren't supposed to think, let alone say out loud: "You're afraid of getting hurt again."

It's enough to snap her out of it and go to the party on Staten Island to meet Politician.  He is surprised to see her, but she has to explain that it was a very bad break up and she needs to take things slowly.  And she can't take rides from him.

She's late getting to the last ferry of the night though, loses her shoe in a very Cinderella moment and is stranded somewhere across the river from her island in the middle of the night.

Who should show up, but the politician!

"So I guess sometimes a woman absolutely has to be rescued--"

--but he doesn't know how to get back to Manhattan from here-

"--And sometimes a woman absolutely has to rescue a man. At least that's how it ends in this staten island FERRY-tale."

I swear, I only heard it that way this most recent time I watched it.  This show keeps giving and giving!

Season 2 Finale Ex and the City

The episode starts out with Carrie asking the all important question:

Should I buy the flowers that cost 5 dollars and last 3 days, or the ones that cost 10 dollars and last 5 days?

I dunno, I have flowers on my sill that husband brought me for my birthday in March.  They're dead, but they are still lovely.

Miranda doesn't know either, but there beyond Carrie, crossing the street, is Steve!  He's got a basketball and he isn't afraid to use it!  Miranda freaks out and forces Carrie to run from him in the street. She can't just fake friendly for half a minute, she has to make a dramatic scene.

Silly woman.

The foursome discuss the events over a shared desert at coffee shop.

Carrie noms on a spoonful of whipped cream, "He just looked so hurt, like a kid in one of those big-eyed velvet paintings"

"Poor Steve!" Charlotte voices the audience.

"Well I'm sorry! I panicked!" What was I going to do? Stand around and chat about the weather-- The man has been inside me for god's sake!"

She has a point.

She goes on to talk about people who can be friends with an ex.  She can't do it, she doesn't know how anyone can do it.

Sam has her own insight, "I'm never been able to be friends with any man. Women are for friendships, men are for fucking."

Charlotte withholds friendship as punishment (that really doesn't many any sense when you think about it-- I mean the results are the same as what Miranda and Sam do-- but I guess it has a special vindictive attitude.  For what? It is mildly out of character for her.)

Miranda reiterates: "I'm much more like, We didn't work out.  You need to not exist."

Carrie is kind of hypocritical here with her judgy eyebrows.  She says in a moment of self-clarity, "It's just so childish!  We keep dresses we'll never wear again and we throw away our ex-boyfriends!"

This is really hilarious to me, as an avid watcher of the show.  Again, an early episode belies a later one. In season 5, her book gets reviewed in the New York Times-- it's a rave review-- but Carrie gets caught up on a small blip in the review of how the men are disposable in Carrie's world.  She says it *herself* here in coffee shop, which means she has to have said it in her column, it is such an important take-away from this particular topic.

Anyway, Carrie wonders why she hasn't been able to stay friends with Big.



BECAUSE HE WAS AN ASSHOLE TO YOU!

Carrie wonders where the love goes when a relationship ends.  She takes a moment to  complain about Natasha-- "Natasha." Miranda nods, "Since when did you stop calling her the idiot stick figure with no soul?"

It almost feels like there's an episode missing here, doesn't there.  What is the point of anger toward Natasha?  What the hell did she do wrong? No, really?  Isn't it Big's fault for loving Natasha better and faster and better?


Carrie talks about seeing Natasha and Big at some cafe the other week.  He's over Carrie, they are over.  He's in love. Period. "And it's OK"

After a pause, Sam says "'Natasha' what a bullshit name."  and Charlotte and Miranda add to the mockery. Finally Carrie says how she's really feeling, "That is total bullshit."

Writer Carrie later asks what mysterious ingredient leads to friendship with an Ex.

I think I can take this one.

How about respecting them and their wants as people and not undermining their new relationship choices?

eh?



 --

Steve isn't going to take the slight on the street lying down.  He comes to Miranda's apartment the very next morning to call her behavior hurtful and shitty.  He also wanted to remind her that it's not just anyone she's running from and hurting,"Miranda, this is me, Steve. I held your head when you were sleeping."

Miranda turns away from him, starts sobbing and apologizing.  He says it's OK, but she's not sure.

"I am shitty!" Miranda bemoans and Steve tries to comfort her. "You're not a shitty person." "I am! I'm shitty. I'm a shitty person! You would never do anything that shitty!"

"What do you call showing up to your apartment in the middle of the afternoon and calling you shitty?"

"Yeah, that was pretty shitty!"

"You got a bat in the cave."

Miranda blows her nose, and tries to tell Steve about all the times she wishes she could call him, but won't.  When funny things happen, when she thinks of him.  It's sweet.  Steve reminds her that she can always call him, they can be friends.  And Miranda thinks it is a good idea.





 --

Charlotte is running in the park, and runs into her first love lost: a horse that reminds her of Tatty. Tatty is the horse that threw her in an equestrian competition. Could she be more Connecticut?

Meanwhile, Sam is walking down the street in Red.  She catches the eye of a hunky man and has to stop short to catch her breath from all the breath stealing. Rather than continue walking, he cockily walks up to her and says hi.

"I gotta tell you, you look amazing."

Sam flirts back, calls him cocky, and gives him her phone number.

This should be good!

--

Carrie has completely lost her damn mind.  She is looking through her closet and finds one of the aforementioned dresses from the eighties that she refuses to throw away and decides it would be a good idea to call her ex.






Unfortunately the "idiot stick figure with no soul" has answered the phone and she immediately hangs up--

before realizing  Big has caller ID!



She immediately calls back and Big answers.  But I thought Natasha had the phone?

Anyway.  Big asks if that was her who had *just* called and she says it wasn't.  And then says it was.  She's a mess.

She asks him out to lunch, as friends, and he says yes.

So, at lunch it's Big's turn to be nervous.

They order soft-drinks and then change their order to hard drinks.  (that must be fun for the waiter!) and they talk about nothing for a minute.  Big is kind of rambling at this point.  Finally, after a drink or two in, they are reminiscing nicely about their terrible relationship. Carrie decides to do the thing.  She asks about Natasha.

And then.. she changes her mind.  She makes a rule that they shouldn't talk about SOs unless it gets really serious.  And Big looks at her like he knows he's about to hurt her, and he just guts her. "It is serious." He admits that he's already asked Natasha to marry him.  He then tries to soften it by saying that he wanted to tell her, just just didn't know how.

She is gutted.  She grabs her forehead, complains about a headache and then looks up completely irate. "How can *you* be engaged? You have a problem with commitment, remember?"

"In fact," She goes on, "You told me that you never wanted to get married again. ever."

"Well, things change!" God, He looks so punchable right now.

"Meaning what? You just didn't want to marry me!  You string me along for 2 years and then turn around marry some 25 year old girl after only five months?!"

"I did not string you along!"

Carrie is getting up and leaving the restaurant. She grabs her purse off the chair badly and it ends up toppling.  It's difficult to say if she's slightly inebriated, or just extremely pissed off.  Big offers to help her. "Don't help me. Don't YOU help me."

Halfway across the restaurant, he holds her back, "Don't end it like this."

"You're the one who ended it like this."

I don't understand her meaning here.  I mean, yeah. it fucking hurts to be gutted like this; To see everything you were hoping to get from him being funneled toward another person. But like, you can't control what he does.  Him getting engaged and telling her is not rudeness to Carrie.  It just isn't.

And at this point, the entire restaurant is watching the embarrassing scene that she is making.

--
She goes off to support her friend, Charlotte, as she attempts to ride a horse for the first time in 20 years.  She is in no way to support her, she is irate and sad and completely out of control.  She's also smoking, and has to be told to cut that shit out around the horses.

Charlotte decides at the last minute that she can't.



So they run out of the stables and down the city streets.  It is so weird to me that there are actual stables on the island of Manhattan.  Obviously there are, cause of all the horse-drawn things.  But it is still unexpected.

--

Mr Cocky is in bed with Sam.  He is warning her, before they go in too deep, that he might go in too deep.



Sam thinks she's hit the jackpot, but.. It's too big.

"If he was Mt Everest, I could only get to base camp one!" She recounts her failure to Carrie.

She wants to have another go at Mr Cocky, but first needs to psych herself up.  Carrie tells her she's crazy.  Why does she want to try again?

"Because it's there!"

"You're unbelievable," Carrie summarizes, "First you broke up with James because he was too small, This guy's too big. What are you Goldilocks?"

"Goldicocks!" (I love puns!) "And I'm looking for one that's *juuuust* right" (You go girl!)

I love this arc, if you can believe it, it IS an arc.  The guy she ends up with by the end of season 4 does have the perfect dick, and of course they make a big deal out of how perfect it is. :D

--
Miranda and Steve are navigating their own friendship.  They had a good meal together, and go back to Miranda's so she can return Steve's fireman shirt back to him.



You all know where this is headed.

That's right.





As she sets her alarm when they're all done (she's wearing his FDNY shirt) Steve keeps leaning over attempting to kiss her and she's swatting him back.  Their body language is very telling here.  She looks completely regretful and embarrassed.  He, at first looks pleased with himself (hence the attempted kissing) but then sullen-- like what the fuck have I done?

whoops.

Back with Sam with Mr Cocky.  She's smoking a joint, attempting to prepare herself for entry.  They breathe together, he says "ready?" and it begins.  There is breathing, laughter, a little bit of hesitancy and careful slowness guided by Sam, and then finally "oh, good.  Good!" And a proud smile.

Followed immediately by Mr Cocky saying "Ok, here we go."

"You mean, we're not there yet?"

He shakes his head no, and she puts her knees down and says "OK, stop. Whoa boy, whoa! Can we just be friends?"

Poor Mr. Cocky.  D:  He settles next to her with a very horsey sounding exhale.  ><


This segues nicely to the next scene.  Charlotte is leading a horse around Central Park.  She's amping up to try again.  She is alone this time.  Good idea.

As she feeds the last carrot to the horse, she puts on her helmet and mounts the beast.  It goes well!  So, she gets a good trot and shouts "whoo hoo!" off the screen.  Yay Charlotte!

And from an emotional high to Big.  Big is in his living room calling Carrie.  Who is screening.  As usual.

He says that he's sorry, that he wanted her to know, but didn't tell her to hurt her. He would never hurt her deliberately.

She finally picks up in the middle of his message spiel, and it's mildly disorienting, although he really looks kinda pissed and annoyed that she didn't just pick up.

She says that she knows that he wouldn't hurt her deliberately.  But now he's kind of lost his train of thought.  They both apologize for acting badly (although I still don't know exactly what Big would be apologizing for, but whatever)

She ends the conversation by waxing optimism: "I wish you the best, I hope you and Natasha will be very happy"

"Do you really mean that?

"No."

They both let out a similar breath that's kind of a half-laugh.

"But I will.  Really."

She held on to those friendly feelings until she gets an invitation to an engagement party in the mail.  She sort of sets it on the bed and pushes it off with her toes.

--

At the day of the engagement party she's having drinks with her friends at a bar and they are talking about the engagement party.

Charlotte can't believe he had the nerve to invite her, but Carrie explains that it's her own fault for thinking they could be friends.

She asks again for the millionth time, "Why her?!"

Miranda explains the whole thing with one word: "Hubble"

And everyone seems to know what the hell she's talking about.  but I didn't.  So, she explains for Sam (i.e. the people in the audience that don't watch old movies) that Robert 'Hubble' Redford from the chick flick "The Way We Were" Couldn't pick Barbara Streisand's character Katie, to be with because she was too complicated.  Her hair was curly--

"Hello? Curly!" (says the blonde, rejected curly-haired woman at the table)

And Redford ends up picking a simple brunette. Who is boring and has straight hair.  (Like Natasha)

Carrie decides there are two types of women in the world:  The simple girls and the Katie girls.  k.




I tried to watch that movie.  It was SOOOO BOOOORING.  I couldn't get through it to the end, but that's OK, because Miranda, Carrie, and Charlotte here go over the end, "She looks up to Hubble, straightens his hair and says 'your girl is lovely Hubble." And the music plays.

And the three of them sing the lines together.

It's so CHEESY.  But they're drunk, so I totally get it.

Sam ends up crying about how she misses James. (the man with the small penis from season 1)

Instead of heading home afterward, Carrie finds herself walking toward the Plaza, toward the scene of the engagement party.  (and amazon tells me they are recreating the aforementioned last scene of The Way We Were. HUH.)

She finds him outside, loading his future wife into a limousine. He shuts the door and walks over to her.

"I thought by the time I got here, I would know what to say."

"and?"

"Well.  You're late. The party's over"

"I'll say it is."

"Funny."

"Anyway, I was just on my way home and-- hey.  I have a question for you. Why wasn't it me?"

"Carrie!"

"No seriously. I really need to hear you say it. Come on, be a friend."

"I dunno. It just got so hard. And she's..."

"Yeah."

"Your girl is lovely Hubble."

"I don't get it."

"And you never did."

And then she walks away all cool, and he's left as confused as I am.  Course, she's cut off by a horse with a stubborn streak having a bit taken off or put on or something. and Carrie is reminded that some women don't want to be tied down-- They don't want to be broken in.

"...Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with"

Season 2 Episode 17 Twenty-Something Girls Vs. Thirty-Something Women

Ah, this gem.

Ever since I was a young lad of 18, I hated being referred to as a "girl--" I know most women have to grow into maturity and what being a woman represents to them, but I think it starts with defining words. Girl is an immature person, she is not of age, she is a child.  And twenty-something WOMEN are NOT girls.

It's fucking insulting.

I know that I won't be twenty-something forever, I just have a little over a year left, actually, but I hope I will continue to feel this way and fight against my baser "young people these days" urges.

Not to mention, people can be immature independent of their ages. :cough: Carrie :cough:

So, with that tone in mind.  Let's begin:

The foursome are considering taking the last few weekends of a beach rental house off the hands a few friends we never see again.  These friends have had a few combined canoodles and torrid affairs at the beach rental and none of them want to come back.

Miranda thinks it's slightly sad-- four thirty-something women going in on a rental share.

Charlotte thinks it's a great opportunity to enjoy one last summer together as single women before one of them gets married or has a kid.

Carrie thinks that the house is haunted with the affairs of these friends.

And Sam is too busy complaining about her twenty-something assistant (who sleeps and fucks in shifts with her twenty other friends who are also renting a house in the Hamptons) to give her opinion.  When Charlotte finally bends their wills, Sam claims the late shift.

In the next scene, we see Sam's assistant, Nina, who is one of the most annoying characters we've met on the show.  She's loud, and a know-it-all, and talking on the phone to one of her friends and throwing the f-bomb around.  Completely unprofessional.

But I guess it's OK and to be expected, because she's twenty-something and that's just how they act.  Or something.  She ends up quitting on the spot because Sam deigns to ask her to do her job and stop talking on the phone with her friends.  At work.

She has a real attitude problem, this one.

Sam complains to Carrie and Miranda on the way to the Hampton Jitney (a bus that New Yorkers use to go to the Hamptons) all about Nina and her selfish spoiled ways.  And then she and Miranda and Carrie talk about ALL twenty-somethings like they are that way.  It is fucking annoying.

What is extra fucking annoying about it, is the delineation of generations-- technically these thirty-somethings and twenty-somethings are all apart of gen-x. Which, as you may know, was the most hated generation that we've had since, well, since the term "Millennial" was invented.  It's almost as if older people resent younger people. Period. because these complaints she has about Nina and twenty-somethings are identical to the criticisms lobbed at Millennials today.

Sorry, Soap boxing again.

Nothing really of note happens except for Charlotte getting cozy with a 26-year old man, and the foursome finding their way slowly to East Hampton.

They spend the first few minutes in their new digs complaining about everything-- the style of the decor, the smelly towels, the shitty sheets, the smelly house. Charlotte chimes in with how lucky they are to even be here, and Carrie says that cynicism is something that 30-somethings have that 20-somethings don't.  Course Miranda is me in this situation: "I was cynical in high school."

Greg, that 26-year-old man has just knocked on the door.  He wants to hang out with Charlotte, who is currently pretending to be 27.

He invites the foursome to a beach party he and his friends are throwing that night.  But it is a terrible party, and someone vomits feet from where they are standing.  gross.  At least twenty-something girls are nice, and hold your hair for you while you puke.

Sam complains that she doesn't want to hit on these young men because they are so young, some of them don't even have chest hair yet.

I remember when I didn't get that, but now I do.  OMG, I do. Chest hair is the best.  :D



:DDDD

Before they have a chance to leave, a young woman comes up to Carrie, having recognized her from her column, and begs Carrie to mentor her in exchange for medial labor.  It's sort of sweet, and also creepy.

Carrie decides it couldn't really do any harm, and takes Laurel up on her offer-- although no menial labor is necessary.

The next morning, Miranda has a mug of coffee and is heading out on the porch, but upon opening the door any thoughts she had of calm, cool and breezy fly away.  "OK, someone puked on the deck!"

And Charlotte peeks out from the couch, and tiredly explains that a few people had too many jello shots.

"What are you 25 now?" Miranda asks.

Greg peeps from under Charlotte, saying "good morning."

"NO. Twenty-SEVEN." Charlotte says emphatically.

"Whatever."

--

Back at the City, Carrie is looking through an old album of hers filled with pictures of her young-adulthood.  She is embarrassed by her lack of good fashion skills, which if you haven't been initiated let me remind you of the best of Carrie and her fashion-present:

 





But yes, I'm sure the stuff she wore in the late 80s was very much worse.  And to be fair, I do adore a lot of her outfits.. but yowza, some of the bad stuff almost makes the good stuff seem worse, if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, Carrie is talking about 20-somethings, asking if they should be regarded as "clueless halfwits about to have their dreams dashed and illusions shattered?"

Who are these people?!

Did your illusions shatter at 30?

Mine won't.  Unless I -finally- learn like Sam and Miranda and apparently not Charlotte that relationships don't require communication and understanding to work out but -lies and mutually accepted delusions-.

UGH.  These episodes are exhausting.

Writer Carrie writes "Twenty-something girls?  Friend... or Foe?"  Well, we all know how she feels about this already.

The Thirty-something women in this episode? Misguided... Or assholes?

Carrie takes Laurel to a book party as her first act as a Mento.



Laurel wants to talk to Carrie about her own writing.  About the memoir she wants to write, since she's saving herself for marriage.

Carrie is just incredibly stunned by this revelation.

Laurel offers to get Carrie a drink-- "A cosmopolitan. I remember, from your column!"  And Carrie starts flirting with a hunky doctor man who has a cute sense of humor. By the time Laurel has come back with the cocktails, Carrie's gotten his number and invited him out to hang out at the Hamptons.  She's not sure that she wants to date him at all, considering he's good on paper and she can't have that. I don't know what I expected.



At the beach that weekend, Miranda, Carrie and Sam are slathering on SPF while the 20-something women tanned like idiots.  And Charlotte put on OIL.

Now, this is probably the only time in the whole episode that I agree with them.  Cancer is not a joke.  But to be honest, a lot of older people, think 50+ don't wear sunscreen at all, even after getting skin cancer. So.

The Hunky-good-on-paper-Doctor shows up to hang out with Carrie. She's hesitant to give him anything back.  Her friends sort of seem to understand her hesitancy.

 She and Hunky-good-on-paper-Doctor go for a walk and she uses her friends to keep from seeing him further.  Now, I get it a little bit since she is out of town *with* her friends, and shouldn't abandon friends to hang out with new man, but she also planned to meet him there, so maybe she should hang out with him.  Or else, why invite him to hang out at all?

 Carrie finds Miranda starting prep work for fresh seafood and corn feast! Not enough for more than the foursome, "So Carrie, you're little groupie can't stay."

"She's here?!"

"I sent her up to your room, she was asking too many inane questions."

(the whippersnapper!)

Meanwhile Sam is lamenting the party that her own 20-something doppelganger is throwing using her stolen Rolodex.

In her room, Carrie and her groupie Laurel have a more in depth conversation about Laurel's lack of sex life and how older women have completely devalued sex:

"One summer, I read everything Jackie Collins wrote and I thought to myself 'who cares? Is this supposed to be shocking? Wagging one's pussy at every good looking stud who comes along?' Please!"

"And what exactly do you *like* about my column?"

Charlotte comes in from beaching with 26-year-old Greg, she heads to her room to change out of her itchy bathing suit.  A few minutes later, she comes into Carrie's room with Laurel, asking about a tiny tick on her stomach that itches--

"That's not a tick."

"Well then what is it?"



Speaking of, Miranda is just finishing cooking up dinner, and there through the window you can see a few bed sheets fluttering down from the upstairs window.

"Well, there go our shitty sheets!" Sam says.

Charlotte runs from the house.

"Where's she going?" Miranda asks.

"To the drugstore. Charlotte really is in her twenties.  She's got crabs."

In order to avoid that particular plague, Carrie meets up with her Hunky-good-on-paper-Doctor, and shares her vivid fear of pubic lice. Doctor has a good humor about it, and promises to be good when Carrie invites herself to stay the night.

Well, that's all well and good, but really, what's the alternative?

--

The next night, the foursome go down to the big party that Sam's ex-assistant is throwing. It's a Hampton's Hoedown.  More like tacky tack-tack, amiright?

Charlotte confronts Greg, the 26-year-old, about the crabs.  He doesn't apologize for the STD, but digs his heels in, claiming the moral high-ground since Charlotte lied about her age.  "I may have given you crabs, but you deceived me.  That is so much worse."

"Grow up!"

I think they both need to grow up.  It isn't like he did it on purpose.

Sam decides that the party is a hit since so many people have come and that she ought to congratulate her ex-assistant.  "I may need her to hire me one day." But then, as she closes in on Nina and her friends, she sees that the party hasn't gone off without a hitch and everything is going wrong!

Sam is nothing if not selfish, so she is gleeful to be around to save the day. While comforting poor Nina, she wickedly introduces her to Greg.

Carrie's doppelganger runs into her, and Laurel is so excited to see her.  She offers to get her a drink, and Carrie brushes her off and walks away.

Narrator Carrie talks about how annoying and stupid the twenty-somethings are"...and then everything I so firmly believed was promptly blown to pieces."



Him.

It's Big. He's standing there, holding hands and intimately chatting with a woman in white.  Carrie is absolutely stunned by the sight of him.

"Is it You?"

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?"

"I just got back this week from Paris. Carrie, this is Natasha."

Natasha's voice is simpering, and it is infuriating. Big explains that Natasha's parents are loaded and they are staying up in their beach house for the weekend. Natasha exits the scene and Big and Carrie are left with a whole lot of baggage between them.

Carrie is stunned still.  She asks who Natasha is, and Big explains that he met her in Paris that she works for Ralph Lauren in Europe, and that the Paris deal fell through (I'd say it did).  For some reason, Carrie asks how old Natasha is, and Big says that he doesn't know, 26 or 27 maybe, because, you know.. she's an adult and it doesn't really fucking matter.

It matters a whole lot to Carrie though, who calls her a 'teenager' in the next episode.

Like, I know she's hurt, especially by how serious his relationship with Natasha has developed so quickly, but Carrie is a total asshole to her.  Carrie continually puts Natasha down in order to make herself feel better.  It's like she doesn't remember how unhappy both Big and she were together.  But whatever, it's cause Natasha is a child.

Carrie makes her exit to the beach, where she runs into Miranda.  She tells her about Big and the new Woman in his life, and she is so wrenched by the whole thing that she starts puking in the sand. gross.

Miranda is a good friend, holds her hair and lets her let it all out while the fiesta fireworks explode in the background.

Season 2 Episode 16 Was It Good For You?

Sorry, I skipped last week's recap. Things are back on track here! I'm ready to dive back in. This week's episode asks the all-important question there is literally no good answer for:

How do you know if you're good or bad in bed?

(the other all-important questions there is literally no good answer for include “Do I look fat in this?” and the ever frightening “How old *do* I look?)

Let's begin!

This episode begins with Charlotte in bed with a very hard-working orthopedic surgeon. It's important to note that he is hard working because he has fallen asleep right on top of her, right in the middle of doing it. Quel Horreur!

Charlotte is beside herself! She cries to Carrie, laments that she must be really bad in bed. Carrie is trying to be supportive, says that even though no one has fallen asleep on her, that many of them probably wanted to. And then she offers her tea. “Charlotte, you want some tummy tamer?”

Carrie then gossips to Sam while out on the street. Sam is the worst frenemy to Charlotte. She isn't surprised at all about Charlotte being -bad in bed-. Carrie, as she does, comes to Charlotte's defense, and asks if it really matters whether one is good or bad.

Sam decisively insists that who you are in bed is who you are in life. She knows she's good in bed and apparently she's got a resume to prove it (and references). But there's more! Recently she was invited into bed by a pair of sexy, healthy, gay men. Carrie is the audience at this point, looking at her like she's got two heads.

“So, I'm thinking about doing it.”

“they're gay!” Carrie shouts!

“You know, for a sex columnist you have a very limited view of sexuality” (FUCKING RIGHT?!)

“Gay is pink suede!” Carrie digs in.

“Wake up! It's 2000!” (For a minute there I forgot she was talking about the year) “The New Millennium won't be about sexual labels, it'll be about sexual expression. It won't matter if you're sleeping with men or women. It'll be about sleeping with individuals... It won't matter if you're gay or straight--”

“Just if you're good, or bad in bed?”

“Exactly.”

I WISH that we had gotten to that point. Now it feels like labels sort of bog us down. Recently I got into it on the internet with someone who corrected me-- I had labeled a character bisexual, and this internet person corrected me, said character was -pansexual- and I'm like, that's fucking divisive isn't it? I acknowledge as an educated person that gender is fluid, but it took us fucking decades to fight for visibility, can we not erase bisexuality already? There are still people out there who think we should pick a side.

And don't get me started, I know that the dreaded episode where this show explores bisexuality is coming up. :dreads:

So for now labels are kind of necessary. We, as a society, aren't -that- non-judgmental yet.

--

Later, after Carrie writes on her little computer, she's walking down the street when out of nowhere a cigarette leaps out and bites her arm! She's shocked, but only minorly injured. The guy who threw it uses the excuse “I'm a smoker” but seems apologetic enough. Carrie decides to invite the cute guy who injured her out to coffee. (She really is a masochist)

They have a neat little time in an outdoor cafe. She has to go though, and before she does she writes down her number for him, saying some cute things cutely, according to her. In reality, it sounds sort of like a bad joke where she's ha-ha threatening to sue for injuries ha-ha.

ha.

He doesn't call her back (gee, I wonder why?)

And Carrie wonders if her whole life is ruined while helping Miranda make her bed. Miranda is like, “Get a grip! A guy doesn't call you for a week and suddenly you're ugly?”

Seriously.

Miranda is replacing her sheets with new ones because she's trying to change her bed karma. (“If you make it, he will come!”) But there's a little snag in one of the pillowcases and she cries, "Does everything I bring into this bedroom have to have a flaw?" Carrie laughs at her, so Miranda hits her with the pillow. ><

The following weekend, Carrie walks into the cigarette thrower on the street again. She lets herself be known, introduces herself to the guy he's talking to, but he's kinda busy and brusquely says that they are in the middle of something. Carrie is a little mortified, and starts walking away. Quickly. But Cigarette Thrower runs after her and comes clean.

He's an alcoholic. On his way to an AA meeting. He's only been sober for 11 months, so it's a no-go for dating at the moment.

Carrie is relieved that she isn't ugly, at least. And rather than leave the man who is clearly wrong for her and not ready to date on the street to his meeting, she instead gets him to ask her out.

I think she should go back to Dr. G.

On their first -official- date, they go for coffee, and Cigarette Thrower talks about how he compulsively eats cookies.

Carrie says she's like that with reese's pieces.. and shoes.

“Aren't the shoes a little hard on digestion?”

And then, when they arrive at her apartment, she leans in to give him a kiss goodnight, and he doesn't do it. “I knew he was into me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-goodnight move, I'd accidentally-on-purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.” Narrator Carrie has such a clever way of speaking.

At the end of their third date, she “wanted him even more than a fistful of reese's pieces.” So she leans in for a goodnight kiss, and he looks up, so the kiss lands on his chin.

AWKWARD.

“That was that,” Narrator Carrie says as she turns to enter her apartment, “I'd hit my humiliation limit. And then I thought, how many cute, smart, sexy, single, smoking alcoholics are left in the world? Five?”

So, Carrie turns around and forcibly pulls him in and kisses him to the tune of Diana Ross. Hot.

She asks if he wants to come up, but he has reservations. He's never had sex sober and doesn't know if he'd be any good.

I guess he's never heard of whiskey dick.

Cheesiest line alert: “Oh what the hell, let's take it one step at a time.”

He apparently has the best sex of his entire life. And afterwards starts jumping on the bed with glee.

He says over and over that Carrie was the best, and that he wants to do it again. And again and again and again, I'm sure.

Next morning, the foursome talk over breakfast. Carrie orders enough food for at least three people.

“Storing up for winter?” Sam playfully asks.

Carrie admits that she and Cigarette Thrower had sex all night long.

Then she looks over, apologetically at Charlotte. “No, don't stop. It's OK. Just because I'm bad in bed doesn't mean everyone has to be.”

“Ok, one more time, you are not bad in bed.” Miranda takes the bait.

“Oh really, has a man fallen asleep making love to you?”

“No, but I once fell asleep when a guy was doing me” Sam helpfully adds, “It was the ludes.”

“It's OK,” Charlotte responds, “I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things, like accessories, that I may need a little help with others like--” She waves her hands and Sam helps her along, “fucking?” “--making love. So. I'm taking a class--” “A fucking class?!” Sam interrupts.

“--No! A tantric sex workshop... It's called 'How to Please a Man'”

“I know how to please a man, just give away most of your power!” Ever pessimistic, Miranda adds.

“Look! I have a trainer for the gym, I can have a trainer for--” “fucking?!” “--please stop saying that!”

Carrie asks if she's actually going to do it, and Charlotte reveals that she's already signed all of them up. None of them want to go- “I could teach the damn class!” Sam insists, but they all decide to go in support of their down and out friend.

–

Sam is ready to do it with the gay couple, the Davids. She is primping a little bit in her bathroom, wondering if she's capable of doing this. She decides to have a conversation beforehand to talk it over. This all gets thrown out the window as soon as she greats the Davids in their cute boxer briefs. They are overwhelmed by her sexiness and proceed to nibble their way down her body in tandem, giggling and gleeful.

When they reach her stomach they suddenly each develop a case of 'I don't want to' and leave her high and-- well, at least a little moist. David says “Let's go out for gelato!” “Or cheesecake!” David suggests. “Whatever!”

She is no longer as confident in her fantastic sex score. D:

–

At the tantric sex workshop, Carrie worried about Cigarette Thrower. She confides in Miranda, “I think Cigarette Thrower is addicted to me.” “Yeah, program guys are tough. I dated a guy once who was in over-eaters anonymous and every time we had a fight he would binge eat hot fudge sundaes.”

Charlotte glances at the two of them who are currently interrupting the tantric workshop instructor.

“shhh!”

They pay no mind, and continue to interrupt.

“He wants to have sex all the time, it's getting a little out of hand.”

“Well, at least he wants to fuck you!” Sam is taking the slight personally.

“They were gay.”

“So?” Sam is disheartened. “One minute they were into it and the next suddenly they weren't! What did I do to turn them off?”

Miranda helpfully says, “Not having a dick would be the thing you did to turn them off.”

“You guys! I'm serious! This is rude!” GO CHARLOTTE! RUDE FUCKS!

Sam says one more thing, and Charlotte has had quite enough, “Be quiet and you might learn something! This lady is supposed to be a genius.”

Miranda asks Charlotte, “If she's so good, why are we having this workshop in her apartment?”

Charlotte flusters, “I don't know!”

They soon find out why they are in her apartment: The Doctor's husband comes out from the bedroom, removes his robe so he's fully nude and ready to be tantricked.

And she's off, illustrating some sort of tantric move, but really she's just giving her husband a handy.

You know, I wonder if the whole thing isn't some outrageous voyeuristic kink that she and her husband are involved in.

She does it for a long while, Miranda Carrie and Sam can't stop talking and giggling and joking, and at one point the Dr has to tell them to compose themselves.

Embarrassing.

Finally, finally, the moment we've all been waiting for! Release!

Right on Miranda's hair and face.

 

She was at least half a room away, that's quite a feat!

–

Carrie and Cigarette Thrower are walking down the street, talking. Cigarette thrower has been dying to tell her that he loves her. Which is, well, almost as awkward as the last scene. Carrie tells him that it's too fast, and that maybe they should take some time apart and that she'll call him in a week or two.

He really isn't digging that, is dismayed to find that she doesn't want him to come up.

So, he gets completely wasted and comes back hours later. He's shouting, totally fall down drunk, and blaming her for falling off the wagon. (on the wagon?)

She doesn't go down to rescue him, even as he's taking his clothes off. She tosses down a robe, and he's slobbering about how he doesn't care and he wants to die.

She got a letter from him awhile later, relaying how he's back to being sober. She always wondered two things-- if he managed to stay sober and whether she was really -that good- in bed.

Miranda meanwhile, can be seen among her new bedding, using way too many Kleenexes, trying desperately to wipe the memory of that afternoon off her face and hair.

Poor Miranda!

Season 2 Episode 15 Shortcomings

I think Miranda and my worst fear is the same. Family Hour at her gym. Family Hour anywhere.

Kids in public are the fucking worst.

And this kid, who pops out of nowhere and tickles her while she's lifting weights is downright dangerous! Where's the fucking parent?!

I have to say that this entire premise is implausible. Gyms aren't kid-friendly. I know that kid gyms exist, and likewise parent and me gym activities exist, but not in a generic gym chain.

Unless I'm wrong.

Which is possible.

I just think it's rude. Especially when these kids are going to be running around tickling people lifting weights.

So, Miranda does the only logical thing and leaves the gym. She heads to the elevator where a panicking dad tells her not to push the button because his son wants to push it.

Tough fucking luck, kid.

Well, Miranda is nicer than me, says she's in a hurry, and asks the kid to push one, please. The kid pushes ALL of the fucking buttons. No recourse, just oop, sorry my kid is the worst, what are you gonna do? God, I fucking hate bad parenting.

“I'm sure it's just a phase.”

“yeah, the guilty-over-indulgent-phase of a d-i-v-o-r-c-e.”

The dad flirts with Miranda a little bit, and for some reason she bites. The boy is the worst of the worst. He at one point threatens to bite dad, he tells dad to be quiet and stop talking, and is a terrible brat.

And dad's response is to bribe kid with a trip to the toy store if he doesn't bite him.

For some reason Miranda thinks all of these are great qualities to look for in a stand-up guy. I would fucking run.

They enjoy another round of elevator ride until boy pees himself.

--

In the usual foursome assessment, rather than complain about his clear lack of parenting skills, Miranda complains about the divorce factor and how that is his shortcoming.

Perspective, I guess.

Sam offers the solution to round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound, so you can see their history before you buy them.

I'm still stuck on the bad parenting stuff. I don't think the problem is the divorce, it's that the dad can't control the kid. That is going to lead to some real issues, and issues that are divorced from his, well, divorce.

Speaking of people who are divorced whose issues aren't that they are divorced:

Charlotte's brother Wesley, who is separated from his wife Lesley (and who probably works for Nestle) is in town.

Charlotte doesn't want them to meet the brother if he's going to be subjected to scrutiny and ridicule.

Sam says “I'll be scrutiny, you be ridicule.” Miranda replies, “I always have to be ridicule, why can't you be ridicule.”

Carrie is dating someone new! Young Justin! From Parks and Rec!

He's a writer here, of short stories and he seems nice and sweet. His name is Vaughn. They have a cute chemistry. He has to drop some books off at his parents' townhouse, and if he doesn't stop in and say hi, he's looking at two months of hard family time.

The family is... neat. They have charisma. There are a few weird little things of note, on the flow, some of the conversation is-- odd.

His mother is really great, recognizes Carrie almost instantly and brings in the dad to meet her. Vaughn wants to leave, but mother won't let them go. She presses Carrie to write about Revirginization and the women who get surgeries to be like new again (well, aren't they clever! Notes Carrie). It is odd, and how Carrie will fit it into her weekly column about sex and dating is dubious. Vaughn explains that mother just finished a documentary about genital mutilation.

And apropos of absolutely nothing that came before it, Mom says “And I typed all his short stories for him when he was twelve.” Nothing to do with anything either before or after it.

Dad comes in the room finally and asks if Carrie wants to speak at Columbia at his seminar on cultural zeitgeist. We'll soon see how well Carrie speaks in front of people later on in season 3. ><

I love the way the family talks, about JD Salinger and sexual culture. It is exceptional, and like, funny. Like an interesting liberal arts lecture.

Vaughn again insists that he wants to leave, and even Carrie is like, “Are you kidding me? Leave now?!”

–

Miranda is on a park date with divorced guy and the kid.

The guy talks about how being a divorcee with a kid is like being fly-paper for women.

I don't know why.

Miranda says he's like the holy grail for women, because he wants stability and a good home-life.

Then she gets smacked by kid with a rather large stick.

I told you to run!

–

Charlotte has baked muffins for her brother. She is trying to cheer Wesley up, but he'd rather have vodka-- “I don't have any!” “And you call yourself a wasp?!”

Charlotte is in over her head. She doesn't understand why he doesn't just work it out with his wife. “Relationships take work and understanding!” She explains like it's always so simple, and Wesley is sage-like, “Charlotte, when was your last long-term relationship?” “Oh, just eat your muffin!” I love how feisty she is.

–

Vaughn and Carrie race home after the afternoon family-time. Apparently family-time really gets these two in the mood. The music here is perfectly frantic, setting the scene perfectly., they are stumbling through the door, making out through several rooms and frantically pulling each others clothes off,-- and, oh, oh, oh.

D:

“It was inevitable this would happen... I just didn't know it would happen so quickly.”

--

“Get out now, before he stains all your sheets!” Sam is just spot on this episode.

Miranda and Carrie try to rationalize away the-- ahem, shortcoming.

“Look, the guy can't get his Cadillac into the garage. Honey, I'm sorry, I hate being right about this!”

“I like him” Carrie idiots.

“well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.”

“but the thing I like best about him is his family.”

“ooh, anyone there you could fuck?” Sam really is looking out for her friend. They look at her like she has three heads. “What? I'm trying to be helpful!”

Carrie talks a bit about how great Vaughn's family is, and how much she has a crush on them. She calls them the Tom Cruise of Charismatic families. Which is ironic, because Tom Cruise really doesn't have charisma like what she's talking about. I don't think he had it even when this was filmed. Needless to say, he isn't the first choice I have as an example of a guy with charisma.

Even now, I can't think of anyone who does have that charisma from back then, certainly not an actor. Maybe a comedian. Or a TEDtalks person. They didn't have those back then.

I'm getting off track. Miranda rightly says (at least for her story-line) that family is supposed to be the obstacle for relationships. And then Sam sort of creepily talks about someone she fucked when she was thirteen because his family had a pool and his mom made cookies and kool-aid for her.

It is really creepy to be honest. I'm not certain the writers meant for her to say she was sexually active that young, but it's there. It belies the episode coming up in season 3 where Sam lectures several thirteen-year-old girls who shouldn't be talking so much about boys and fucking-- “At least till you're 16 and start having sex.”

–

Writer Carrie talks about relationships and family, and how many people are emotionally involved when you sleep with someone. It actually seems like a meaningful topic and right in line with everything going on in the episode. From Charlotte and her brother's divorce, to Miranda and the son of the guy she's seeing. I wonder how that little boy feels seeing guy date so many women so soon after the divorce.

No wonder he peed his pants in the elevator.

–

Carrie and Sam go out to meet Charlotte's brother at a bar. Charlotte is pissed that Carrie brought their mutual friend Sam, because “look look, she's doing it already!” “What? They're talking?”

Sam wants to take Wesley to a Jazz club.

 

 And Charlotte doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to encourage this foolishness. But, you know, he's an adult and goes alone with Sam to Charlotte's chagrin.

--

Miranda is meanwhile in bed with the divorced guy. They seem to be getting on. She has to slip away to the bathroom. While peeing naked, the little boy races into the bathroom and before he can see anything, she slams the door right in his face. He's bleeding, and possibly really hurt.

She wraps herself in a towel before exiting the bathroom. She tries to make light about the whole situation, but divorced guy tells her to just go.

“The one thing about families. If no one's sorry to see you go, then you're probably not coming back.”

Poor Miranda. D:

–

Charlotte wakes up to find Samantha wearing Wesley's shirt in her kitchen. Sam is looking for coffee filters and Charlotte is affronted. She confronts Sam, “You and my brother? You slept with my brother?”

“oh honey, what a doll, he really--”

“Is your vagina in the New York City Guidebooks? because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town, it's always open!!”

Now it was Sam's turn to be affronted. She is stunned, standing there looking at her.

Wesley walks through the tension in the kitchen, moves to run his hand on Sam's shoulder, but she wisely moves away from him, throws the coffee can into the sink and escapes the scene. Wesley is like, “What did you say?”

Charlotte tries to explain her shock, and rationalize her slut-shaming.

Wesley is having absolutely none of it, “Who asked you to butt your nose into my-- Samantha wait, don't go!” He turns to run after Sam who is wearing the dress from last night, shoe-less, and currently escaping from Charlotte's apartment.

He grabs his keys and follows Samantha out of the scene.

drama!

Let's just skip over the next scene shall we? Carrie has another unfortunate experience with Vaughn. Eek again.

Charlotte and her brother talk it out. He says that if Charlotte hands him a muffin he's out of there. Lol.

She starts by trying, again, to explain about Sam and her sluttiness, and again, Wesley is having none of it. “It was fun.”

“I know, I know, now you had your little fling and now you can get back with Lesley and you can work it out, right?” She waxes hope, and smears a little on the window.

“We're not working it out. You think you know Wesley and Lesley?” Wesley calmly explains, “Let me tell you about Wesley and Lesley. Lesley is frigid. And before last night, Wesley hadn't gotten laid in two years.”

“Oh my god!” Charlotte is starting to get it.

“I mean, I was going out of my mind,” Wesley continues, “I've seen a pastor, I've seen a shrink, until I saw Samantha I didn't realize what I really needed. Sex.”

“So, my frenemy's terrible sexual perversion is a good thing?” (I'm summarizing)

“It was a friggin great thing. That Samantha. You've got a good friend there.”

Charlotte realizes the mess she's made with Samantha and how hurtful she was. She decides to bring over a very large wicker basket of muffins and ask for forgiveness.

Samantha is probably the most well-rounded and nicest person on the whole show. If one of my friends called me a whore, I probably wouldn't ever want to see them again. EVER.

But Sam forgives her friend, invites her in with a great bum slap and a hug, and now I have fun naughty thoughts to tide me over till DH gets home. :D

–

Miranda hasn't learned her lesson about family hour at the gym. She is escaping from that hellhole for the second time this episode.

She has learned her lesson about the elevator though:

“Oh, do you mind? My little shit stain loves to push the button.”

“Yeah? Well, so do I.”

bam.

–

Vaughn tries for one more romp in the sack, but is cut short. Not by himself this time, but Carrie who wants to talk about it.

He doesn't want to talk about it. He complains that he's been talking about sex since he was two.

(this isn't as creepy as it sounds really, his mother in another scene talks to Carrie about how she was always upfront and honest with her kids about sex, they knew the proper names for their parts. I concur with her. Knowing the name for his penis at the age of 2 is NOT talking about sex. Christ.)

Rather than breaking it off right then and there, they decide to go to his family's house again. This time isn't as great as the first. Vaughn is acting like an asshole, rampaging around looking for the cream cheese and getting in everyone's way with his attitude. Carrie decides she has had enough of his bullshit and leaves. Before she can go, Mom stops her in the hall, begging her to stay, saying that they can work through anything.

Carrie doesn't really want to get into the sex problems with his mother it is just too awkward, but Vaughn's mother assures Carrie that she knows all about his shortcomings after talking about it with his last girlfriend (creepy!). His mother then says one of the most stupidest lines in the whole goddamn show-- alienating long-term married folks to boot: “ 77% of marriages are sexless...”

Where the fuck did she even get that statistic??

I don't have even a morsel of a response to it, it is so stupid.

Carrie realizes that the person she actually has to break up with is his mother, and they have the mature break-up. Carrie assures Vaughn's mother that she'll keep in touch.

And we never see her again.

The end.

I really really like this episode. It is really enjoyable from start to finish. :nods:

Thanks for joining me! The next episode is just as fun, I think!