So, Narrator Carrie says that art show openings are good until they run out of champagne, but this particular opening is exceptional and transcended bad wine/stale cheese events from the past. It's Lesbian Chic meets Art World Cool. It's some sort of new thing, I guess. Lesbians spend their disposable income, and it's a new thing.
This is the last episode where Narrator Carrie references "toxic bachelors" and even "models"-- this is entirely unimportant. Charlotte is holding hands with her toxic bachelor who runs a restaurant where modelizer's take models to feed them salads. He catches eyes with a thin, flirty blond woman (I guess not everyone at the event is a lesbian?) and we should take note. Cough, toxic bachelor, cough.
Miranda's date is a documentary film buff who she met at a Harvard alumni mixer. That sounds awful, tbh. He is really intense and likes films. She takes the intensity as passion, but it doesn't really extend beyond films.
Carrie's date is Samantha. She thinks she's being cute. Really she's just holding out long enough to find an escape to meet up with Big in secret. This'll go well.
Samantha complains to Carrie that there aren't any straight guys at the lesbian art show. But then, she spots one, from across the room. It's a very hunky man who Sam says trains at her gym. Carrie uses that as an out to escape the show and go to Big, Sam tries to talk her out of it, saying she'll be right back, but Carrie feigns illness.
Carrie doesn't tell her friends that she double booked, or who she was planning to meet.
"Sure I knew it was wrong: seeing an emotionally unavailable man I had sworn off months earlier. But the guilt worked like an aphrodisiac." Narrator Carrie is very self-aware.
Back at the art show, it's after midnight, and there's a legion of lesbians flaunting their disposable income. They are chic, rich, and masters of invisible make-up. One of them says decidedly that she wants to buy one of the very gaudy paintings on the wall. It's a bold lined comic, a woman on a cross and across the top it says "death before dishonor"-- I honestly don't get it. It doesn't look very nice to me, I know that sometimes art is meant to make you think, but this isn't even aesthetically pleasing. And the lesbians are all vying to hang it up in their large lofts. Too bad taste didn't come with those Prada Loafers and ability to apply invisible make-up.
Charlotte was pleased with herself that she managed to nearly sell off all the pieces of art in the gallery. I guess bad art has it's own niche. Someone alerts her to the fact that the Champagne is *gasp* running low! She goes looking for more in the basement and finds her date for the evening making out with the blonde from before.
"Hey relax! We're just kissing" He says to her before she says anything more than a brief "Excuse me!" and an expression of pure grump on her face. Then he says "I'll see you in there!" and goes back to kissing the woman as Charlotte leaves the scene.
--
They are in some outdoor food buying tent picking out food and drink while having the usual four-way:0
"I can't believe he had the nerve to stand there kissing that woman and still pretend he wasn't cheating on me!" Charlotte vents to the four-some
Carrie helps rationalize the bad behavior: "Well, maybe he doesn't consider kissing cheating?"
Samantha defends him as well, "Oh come on! It was only your second date?"
"So! Doesn't that still guarantee me fidelity till the end of the evening?"
Miranda gives an example of a married man who doesn't consider sleeping with other people in other zip codes cheating, and Charlotte looks on aghast.
Samantha goes on to defend men's cheating habits, saying that men cheat because they can. That we should all embrace it and I dunno, cheat too? I really can't with Samantha's position in this episode. It is about respect and honesty.
Carrie brings up the idea that women cheat too, as if it's revolutionary. Or means anything.
Charlotte says that we don't randomly sexually attack every man that comes along that we're attracted to, so it is different when women cheat. "Speak for yourself!" Sam says. Charlotte seems to think that the opposite of testosterone is "emotions" and I can't with Charlotte either. Sam thinks that she really means "hormones" and Do these women not Biology? Testosterone *IS* a hormone. And Hormones drive ALL of us. We are humans, that is how we human.
This whole four-way conversation makes no sense. They are taking these wildly polarizing positions, and none of it is based in reality. Cheating is not something one expects when they go into a relationship, Is it? Am I crazy?
Carrie tries to parse the opposing views, Charlotte doesn't tolerate it and Sam is aware of human nature? Miranda points out that Sam cheats, so she can't be unbiased. Sam doesn't cheat on people though-- you can't cheat on people when you're not in exclusive relationships with them.
I guess the one funny part of the conversation is when Carrie talks about how you can't define cheating in certain terms. That one's definition of cheating is directly proportional to how much one wants to cheat. Miranda lambasts her, saying "That's moral relativism!" "I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating" :P It's a cute line.
BUT.. it is such a strange position to take. I'm all about personal moral compasses-- I would prefer people took their morality into their own hands and decide for themselves what is right and wrong. I don't think that using someone for an emotional connection and then fucking around on them is morally right. It is reprehensible. Full stop. Sam is *almost* in the clear here because she doesn't ever cheat on people, really. She doesn't have relationships, and in the future seasons when she *does* exclusively date, she doesn't cheat on them (at least not without a HUGE amount of guilt).
Samantha points out that the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught. WHAT IS THIS EVEN? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Narrator Carrie spends more than an iota of time wondering if Sam is right, including it in her weekly column which asks "what constitutes cheating?"
--
Sam is working out with the trainer she introduced herself to at the art party. He's passionate about working out, keeping people from cheating on their regimen. Purity of form and all that. He invites her to work out on Wednesday and Sam says "it's a date!"
Charlotte is on the phone with her toxic date. She doesn't want to put up with his excuses, so she hangs up on him. Two of the chic Lesbians from the art party are there. They are paying and picking up the piece they bought. One of them admires Charlotte's clothes. The blonde is very into Charlotte, but she doesn't notice. >< The other one gets off the phone, telling blonde about some meet up with friends. The blonde invites Charlotte to go drinking with them. She's immediately tries to come up with an excuse not to go, but they press her, ask her why not? And Charlotte can't think of a really good reason not to go and decides to give up on men entirely for the episode and become a lesbian. :nods:
One drink led to dinner, which led to dancing. It leaves Charlotte with no thoughts for men, and completely exhilarated and happier than she'd been in ages.
--
Miranda is on a date with that film buff. He's talking very very passionately about the Holocaust documentary they just finished. It is sort of easy to see why Miranda is taken in, there is something refreshing about passion-- but like I said earlier, his passion is limited to film.
They are getting down to business, and he turns some pornography on to watch at the same time. He *says* it's to get them in the mood, but it is hard to shake. A few nights later, they are in the same situation. At one point, he asks her to move her head so he can get a better view of the porn. Miranda says "Aren't I enough" and the guy basically says no, but Miranda doesn't want to hear it. He mutes it, but he's definitely more into the porn than the flesh and blood Miranda.
Miranda's story wraps up quite awkwardly. While doing it in time to the porn, he says "hold it right there" takes the remote and is rewinding the video. She finally has enough and is fed up. "That's enough. This is not a synchronized event! Look, I like you but this is getting ridiculous. It's either the women in the video, or me. Your choice, but you can't have both!"
He says "Miranda, it's not that simple. I mean, I've only known you for a few weeks. But I've been involved with some of those women for years!"
"I am SO out of here!" Miranda tosses the remote at him and he watches his porn while she dresses and leaves.
--
In Big's Apartment, Carrie proud of herself, she actually managed to cook something!
It's fondue!
Big says "You didn't cook, you just heated up cheese!"
"And tore up pieces of bread!"
I love the long term joke about Carrie and her lack of fortitude in the kitchen. It is so fucking relatable. You know, some women can't cook. Or they don't want to. This is legitimate. Nothing broken in her. Some people don't knit socks and I don't criticize them for it!
Big is force fed a small piece of bread with plastic cheese on it, the look on his face is priceless.
"It's tasty! Now, you tell me!" He feeds her and she groans, "It's horrible!"
"Can we go to a restaurant now?"
They then talk a bit about how they both know they're dating in secret. Carrie wants to know why Big hasn't told anyone, and Big has sensed that she doesn't want him to. It is all very messy, compounded by the issues they had previously about dating exclusively in the last season. Carrie's afraid to tell her friends, as she should be. They find out. Don't worry.
Carrie actually runs into Miranda during her very early walk home from Big's. Carrie still wearing her fancy dress from the night before, and Miranda asks why she's up and about so early and in her fancy clothes. Carrie quickly comes up with two excuses: early teeth cleaning and it's laundry day. Carrie doesn't get up early. It is known. I think that Carrie should have just made up some guy, but whatever. teeth cleaning. In fancy clothes. Carrie dodges more questioning by asking about the most recent date of Miranda's with the film guy. Miranda takes the bait and talks about how she thinks that he's cheating on her with the girls in the video while they're having sex.
Carrie feels horrible for lying to Miranda. But not that horrible.
She realizes that she is cheating on all of her friends with Big. I guess? I mean, it is a form of betrayal, and omission of dangerous truths. It isn't really their business if Carrie doesn't want it to be.
Samantha is getting very personal with her personal trainer. They shower together before sex, Sam brings up that she ought to have shaved her legs if she knew they were going to be doing that. He offers to shave them for her. which is sweet, until he starts shaving higher and higher. She basically gets branded since he shaves her pubes into the shape of a lightning bolt. (his name is Thor, so it's kind of appropriate!)
That evening, the girls are all at Carrie's. They are going for a movie later and have met up there. Sam asks when guy's started to be obsessed with pubes in order to segue into talking about her branding. Miranda says a very detestable line about men liking shaved pubes "It's obvious, they want a little girl!" GROSS. GROSS GROSS GROSS.
Samantha responds by talking about how you can't just let it grow wild anymore. This is 1999, so this is technically news back then? There is an entire industry devoted to telling women their hair is disgusting and men hate it. (Because they want little girls apparently) I have mixed feelings about this. I, personally, trim my hedge and do some edge work, but I would never shame a woman who didn't want to!
Carrie is in her bathroom with the door closed. Charlotte shows up and looks fancy. She says she's meeting her new cool lesbian friends for drinks after their movie. Samantha and Miranda warn her that she has to be upfront with them about her sexuality otherwise she's nothing but a big clit tease. You can be friends with a lesbian if you're straight, Sam explains, "...but you can't move to Wonder Woman's island and not go native." I'm pretty sure Charlotte's ears exploded. She's so repressed!
Miranda is looking at her watch, they are going to run late for the movie if Carrie doesn't get out of the bathroom! Carrie says that everything is not alright. Her diaphragm is stuck! In order to avoid a costly emergency trip to the ob/gyn, she needs someone to help her get it out. Miranda offers up Charlotte, the lesbian, and Charlotte can't even look at Carrie when she says she can't. Samantha offers help and together they remove the diaphragm! The scene jumps ahead to them on the street, walking to the cinema.
"What a minute, aren't we skipping a beat here?" Miranda offers, "Who are you sleeping with?"
Carrie is bashful, but finally admits to them all that she's sleeping with Big. Things are different, it feels OK. "If it feels OK, then why are you going behind our backs?" Miranda asks.
They don't buy it.
"Look, we've got this physical, chemical, like connection and it's hard to shake, so lay off!" Carrie is defensive of their offense.
"So, what, now it's going to be a casual sex thing?"
"maybe" Carrie shrugs.
"Well, that's gonna work." Sam sarcastically responds.
Charlotte offers, "Even *I* am not that naive!"
Carrie finds she doesn't want to see a movie after all and runs away from her friends who chase after her, but in the next scene she's alone smoking in her apartment. She can't sleep because she can't stop thinking about how she's cheating on her friends with Big.
Charlotte is in a very lavish apartment in the next scene; it is the home of the queen bee of power lesbians. At the center of the room is a ginormous bronze statue of a beautiful woman firing an arrow into the sky. The blonde is still chatting up Charlotte, inviting her to go skiing with them come early Spring. Charlotte says she'd love to go, then comments on the interesting art. The queen bee herself says "Diana the Huntress" I prefer the Greek name, Artemis (also the name of my cat!).
The queen bee says that she's heard a lot of wonderful things about Charlotte. The blonde escapes after bringing up the idea of inviting Charlotte along to their yearly ski vacation. Bee says that they have a really great time, and asks her if she skis. Charlotte does, but is just a beginner. "Trust me that's not a prerequisite" And then Bee checks her actual prerequisites.
Everyone wants to know, before they all get on a plane together, whether Charlotte is gay.
Charlotte says she's not sexually attracted to women, but then waxes poetic about how wonderful it is to be in touch with the female spirit and be surrounded by such powerful women. It is refreshing after spending so much time thinking about men.
"Sweetheart that's all nice," Bee responds, "But if you aren't going to eat Pussy, you're not a dyke." And walks away.
I guess she's not invited to their little ski retreat after all. Poor Char. D:
--
Sam ends her most recent workout with a nude steam at the gym. Another woman is there, she looks over at Sam's crotch, stands up. They stare at each other and realize the implication and the other woman says "That asshole!" Narrator Carrie jokes that lightning does indeed strike twice.
--
In the final scene, Carrie is out dancing with Big. She thinks he's taking her out so that she can't cause a scene and ask about their relationship.
She asks him anyway, if they are officially dating, while they're dancing to "They can't take that away from me," I do love this scene, if only for the music. He says that if she says so, then he guesses they are *officially* dating. Carrie says that is infuriating. She is infuriating here.
He says he doesn't know what officially means.
"You know, for real!"
"Every moment of my life is for real, baby" (he's infuriating in this scene too) So charming. ick.
"Well, just answer me this. Why'd we break up?"
He stops dancing, distances himself from her and says:
"You tell me! You're the one who left me high and dry with two tickets to St Barts!"
She's looking coy here, flirting with dangerously saying exactly what she thinks.
"You didn't say what I wanted to hear."
"oh. Is that it?" He says as if he has no IDEA what she is talking about. but he does. you know he does.
"No, not just that" Narrator Carrie illuminates further what we all know: I wanted to tell him that I was afraid he could never love me the way I wanted to be loved. I was afraid that maybe he didn't have the capacity to love anyone but himself. I was afraid that given the chance, he'd break my heart again. But I cheated and just said:
"I guess I was afraid"
"I can tell you one thing," Big says charmingly, "I sure did miss you. Officially"
"Did you cry?"
"No. But I did listen to a hell of a lot of Sinatra"
And there it was. "I guess we were back together. officially. whatever that means."
Whatever that means indeed Carrie.
AND that's the end!
I noticed upon my most recent viewing of this season a few weeks ago, that Carrie is never happy with Big this time. The entire relationship part deux is her trying to cram her way into his life without his blessing. It doesn't go well. Tune in next time to see how not well!
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