The episode begins and there's one of those famous narrative twists-- Narrator Carrie is talking about the one day even every cynical New York woman dreams of. Anthony, the stylist friend of Charlotte's, is talking about white, everything needs to be white!
But no, it's her book release party! Carrie conveniently drops the invite on the floor so we can all be caught up in case we missed the last episode where she decided on the cover to aforementioned book.
"This is a sexy event, so don't be afraid to use color" Sam chides Anthony for making it sound like a -wedding of all things.-
So they decide on hot pink. Sex and the City brand hot pink.
"PINK!" Anthony shouts.
--
Oh hey! Miranda is back in the office-- politically incorrectly happy to be there-- I like this plot line a lot. There are a LOT of women out there who definitely want to have kids, but also want to have a career. Having Miranda be happy to get back to her day job is important representation!
She gets a call from someone she met up with when she was early pregnant-- like, before she was showing so she could still date. (and fuck!) and oh boy, their conversation is pretty hot here. He asks what's new with her, and she... doesn't mention the child. Now this is a plot I can't really get behind, but ya know, conflict is good. This probably won't bite her in the ass.
She invites him to Carrie's book party!
I'm just going to skip forward and finish off her story cause it's funny and I'm already halfway through it.
So, Miranda and this guy really hit it off at the book party, so much so that she invites him back to her place. (she does warn him about the baby before this happens) The baby, unfortunately, wakes up right in the middle of them going at it and Miranda calls out "Mommy's coming! Mommy's COMING!" and it's the kind of humor that's just so fucking awkward. You either laugh or you cry, and sometimes you do both. The guy, reasonably, just totally loses his hard on. "I don't do kids." and he leaves.
She has to confront the child and realizes that her life cannot be the same now that he's there. Not to say that she won't be able to date and move forward, but that it'll be different. For better or worse.
--
Carrie's at a meeting with her publisher, Amy Sedaris, who is Very Excited about this party. Apparently everyone in New York is going to be there and it's going to be a smashing success. Very nice. Good for her.
Then who should walk in the door but the very bottom of the barrel, the worst boyfriend Carrie has on the show (and I'm counting the jazz musician here), Jack Berger. Henceforth, Carrie calls him Berger, but I imagine it's spelled Burger. You're welcome.
"Did you finish your second book?" Amy Sedaris asks Burger.
"No, my suicide note." he dryly jokes. "Would you like a save the date card?" he pithily asks Carrie and for some reason she's charmed by this.
Now, I love dry humor-- I even love humor about suicide. Why not? And uh, this guy.. he's just Peter from Office Space. Ron Livingston just plays himself over and over. Which is fine, but he's the LAST person I imagine getting on with someone like Carrie.
He's bitter. Bitter man is bitter.
He's bitter that she's never heard of him as an author, and he's just bitter. He wrote a book for men the way that Sex and the City is a book/column for women. "Except men don't buy hilarious comic novels. That's the flaw in the plan."
"What's your book?" Carrie is giving him so much more grace than I would if I just met him and I were her.
"Half-off. That's what it's called now." Carrie is in a very good mood, and encourages this behavior. "Sometimes it's 75 cents on a card table on Sixth avenue." he continues the joke.
(I know, I'm being HARSH. This guy is hilarious and I would definitely get along with him, but I am not Carrie)
Amy Sedaris *also* doesn't know that (spoilers) Burger has a girlfriend, and she tells them they should "talk" and connect because Burger's been through the whole shebang.
They do go out for MacArnolds. Carrie's drinking a strawberry shake. I don't think they offer those anymore. boo. Burger is hitting pigeons with fries. (Well, now I'm imagining he's just a big talking burger head on a body. tossing french fries at pigeons)
pictured: Jack Burger
He mimes typing: "Did the man have a little repressed anger? or did he just dislike pigeons? The woman wondered." He's now making fun of Narrator Carrie. Hey! THAT'S MY JOB.
"I'm not really bitter." Burger lies, "I'm just trying it on for size."
"I think it fits." Carrie says.
"Yeah. It's a little tight in the crotch."
Carrie's shocked face is LOUD. it's funny. You know, maybe they should end up together. XD
"You're saying 'crotch' to me? We just met." Hey Carrie, he also asked if you wanted to read his SUICIDE NOTE.
"Long in the sleeve?" he tries.
"Not as funny."
"See that? It had to be crotch."
He's giving me real Chandler vibes here. I hate to see what happens when the humor stops.
He chides her for ordering strawberry shake because only children like that. "You have so much to learn about women." She jokes back. "yeah, that's what a few reviewers said." The bitterness, it is palpable.
He offers a hand when he stands up, and it's real nice. gentlemanly. She's already planning the seven kids she's going to have with him. but oh, the bomb is coming.
He picks up a card off the pavement. It's a found playing card. He collects them. "I'm hoping to get a full deck. Insert obvious joke here. and I didn't have a two of hearts. It's a good day."
Oh, Carrie looks so happy on this non-date-first-date. Everybody hold on to something.
She takes the plunge and asks him to her book party as her plus-one.
:sharp intake of breath:
"I would love that... but my girlfriend's parents are coming to visit and they're staying with us."
oh, Carrie. Men are shit.
--
"It was like a bomb that just kept exploding." Carrie says to the foursome during their usual. "I have a girlfriend. We live together. This whole flirtation's in your head."
"He should have mentioned her earlier." Charlotte is right for once.
Sam replies, "But not too early, I hate it when men do that. *'I have a girlfriend'* Calm down! I just asked if that seat was taken." I think that both genders are guilty of that one. Also, that line is funny coming from *her* cause you know if he didn't have a girlfriend and he was cute, she'd.. uh, you know Sam.
Charlotte says what I'm thinking, "That guy's a jerk!"
Carrie is in denial. "Thing is I don't think he is. I sparked with this person. I never spark." Oh, Carrie. "I wonder how happy they are." She says in the wicked other-woman voice. "This is not a good side of me."
She asks what's the point of meeting someone like that if they're not available, and Charlotte says that it means the universe is telling them they're still out there!
"Maybe it's the universe telling you all the good ones are taken." Miranda is right.
Sam is trying to get Carrie to get out of her funk. Everyone's going to be celebrating her at her big book party, which is a huge deal, and she shouldn't focus on how she doesn't have a boyfriend. She invites Carrie for a "little mani-pedi-botox (as if Everyone Does
that!)" and then says she'll be her plus one. Supportive friend is
supportive. Sam tries to mash in the point that it doesn't make her less-than to not have a "plus-one."
And that's the point of the episode. "Why does one minus a plus one feels like it adds up to zero?" Writer Carrie writes in her little laptop.
(I have to mention before I move forward here that Miranda does talk about how she didn't tell her date that she had a baby, and the conversation is quite funny, but it also makes Miranda out to be the worst character on the show this week, but I already talked about that.)
--
Sam is doing the good work of normalizing botox. She wasn't wrong when she said that everybody would be doing it in the future. On the other side, I've never done that, probably won't. but it definitely has become WAY more widespread since 2002. Holy shit, this season is 20 years old. fuck me.
A nurse tells her that she might have to tell people that she is so angry because her face won't make expressions the way they normally do. The plastic surgeon man tells the nurse that Sam is an old pro and knows this already. Then he looks sadly upon Samantha's face. And she looks at him in abject horror. "New ones?" she asks like it's cancer. He nods solemnly. The whole scene is funny. She's like 45 here? get a grip. Surgeon asks, "Before we do the botox, have you thought about a freshening chemical peel?"
She decides to get a chemical peel on a whim. Oh, Sam.
sidenote: I've watched a small amount of plastic surgery shows on youtube, reaction videos by Luxeria mostly, and there was a chemical peel in one of the shows she reacted to. It was a whole thing. Lady was put under anesthesia, even. I think it might have been a stronger chemical than Sam here gets, but still, I don't think chemical peels are things just thrown around in plastic surgeon's offices. I don't know though. My understanding is limited, it's not something I've ever looked into doing.
Her face looks... bad. It looks horrifying. Her face is peeled off.
But, it's the night of the party and she promised Carrie she'd be her plus one, so she's determined. she puts on her ointment and a pair of large fancy earrings and cries in pain, but goes to party.
(she puts on a hat with a heavy veil first)
At the party, Carrie is bemused by the veil. She makes a joke about Sam being a beekeeper, but that cries out when Sam unveils her face. "Veil down I think!"
Carrie goes out to lunch before the party. She runs into Enid, her editor at Vogue. In case you forgot she did a few writings for Vogue on the side. (I totally did, I need to rewatch this show like woah). The interaction is awkward AF.
Enid and Carrie are both out alone, just two single ladies having lunch. Carrie invites Enid to join her, and Enid is like, fucking really? and Carrie insists. For some reason. Neither of them are comfortable in this interaction.
They run out of shit to talk real quick. But then, Enid gives a little and admits that the man she's seeing lives in the neighborhood.
"Oh, so there's a man." Carrie is trying to be fun and cute, but Enid doesn't give her an inch.
"Yes. There is a man."
"Well, that's great. You have a wildly successful career and a relationship. I was worried we women only get one or the other, but you have it all!" oh, Carrie. Enid stares at her like she's a bug.
"Enid you gotta give me something here. I'm working my ass off." Carrie, you made this whole thing super awkward. Neither of you wanted to eat together but you insisted. But, whatever.
Enid finally gives a little bit. "All right. To speak in magazine copy, yes, I have it all... on the East Side. He has someone else on the West Side. Luckily the park provides a buffer." Then she continues on, that she doesn't have time for a man and a career. (and yet, He has time for a career and two women. what the actual fuck?)
Due to this revelation, Carrie invites Enid to her book party (honestly, why wasn't she invited already? everyone at Vogue should have been).
At book party, Enid shows -some- humanity. Apparently this man that she was seeing was also at the party, with the other woman. And Enid panics at Carrie to her befuddlement. Schadenfreude? Carrie still thinks that some women are perfect? I don't know. it's funny though. For how closed off Enid is, she sure can panic over boys like normal women. or something.
Somewhere between then and party, Charlotte has sex! GO CHARLOTTE!
And Bunny walks in to her apartment. Uninvited. With her own key. That has a key chain in the shape of a bunny.
Apparently Bunny has been keeping tabs on Charlotte, having the co-op board and doormen whisper about her escapades. It's so funny, cause Charlotte has been separated from Trey for 8 months or so? And this is the first time she's fucked since then.
Bunny is there to not only slut-shame Charlotte and run Charlotte's date off, but also to inform her that "...the apartment remains in the MacDougal name whereas you, Charlotte York, do not."
Charlotte tries to physically push Bunny out of the apartment, and Bunny says "don't you hustle me out, young lady, this is Chanel."
Oh, but she is extremely hateful. Trey *did* give Charlotte the apartment, and now Charlotte's fairy tale *divorce* is going about as well as her fairy tale marriage did. That is to say, it's going to be a fight.
Charlotte whines to Carrie on the phone, lamenting about how Anthony is going to be her plus one at the party. Also to tell her about the locksmith she's hired because "Bunny's back."
Oh, in this little interlude before the party, Sam does tell Carrie on the phone that she's had -something- done and probably shouldn't come. Carrie insists that she do, so she can see a familiar face, but mostly cause Carrie doesn't have a plus one. FFS Carrie. (also, I love the "familiar face" line said over Sam who's had a chemical peel and, indeed, doesn't actually have a familiar face at the moment.)
Stanford also calls to brag about how he has a plus-one and it's Marcus, the dancer from the last episode. Carrie whines that gay guys are supposed to be the straight girl's safety net plus-one.. and gross. They aren't a handbag, they are people too. fuck. But this is just to say that Stanford despises Anthony but is at least glad that Anthony is bringing a girl as a date and Stanford is bringing a boyfriend so he's better? XD
--
There's not really a lot to say about the party this whole episode was built around. It's perfect (minus Sam's top layer of face skin). Everyone's there, it's a whole thing. Good for her.
I love Carrie's hair. Fifth season hair is the best hair.
Her hair this season gave inspiration (and hope) for curly girls everywhere.
There's a scene at the party where Stanford is bragging about Marcus in front of Anthony, and it's funny. "And he has a large penis!" he shouts as Anthony walks away toward the shrimp waiter.
--
Later on, Burger shows up to the party. He's bitter. Still. "My book party could've fit in the coat check of your book party."
He tells her that she looks great and he says good luck with the book and stuff. It's actually extremely awkward. He shouldn't have shown up at all. This flirtation is bad. Morally repugnant.
The show is jamming them together like Barbie dolls.
At the end of the night, Carrie is alone. She takes a seat next to Charlotte and whines again how she's alone and Burger was cute.
"I had to let him go, right?" She asks Charlotte. I have to sit through this entire relationship she's going to have with Burger and I'm not only not looking forward to it, I also keep forgetting that she actually likes him so this is weird for me. Bear with me.
Charlotte says the most astute thing she's probably ever said on the show:
"The thing is, there's some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'"
"I'm lonely." Carrie replies. "The loneliness is palpable."
Well, there you go, admitting the truth and bringing everyone down, man.
This is where Enid shows up horrified because the other man is at the party. She says to Carrie dead-pan "I am so angry." because she just got botox and that was a cute joke I literally never noticed until now. Joke of the week!
Carrie is upset because her role model just showed that she can't keep it together in the face of love either. Really, Carrie? Enid? Your role model? She's NOTHING like you. And I don't think she's very likable either. fuck.
"Just below the surface," Narrator Carrie explains, "we're all raw and exposed." gross.
--
At the end of the night, Carrie takes a limo ride with a Very Excitable Driver. Carrie wants to go home, but Very Excitable Driver insists that she celebrate her big party and her book coming out. She takes her to get hot dogs at Papaya's, the other famous hot dog joint in New York. She tells her how fantastic Carrie is for writing a book. Carrie should totally adopt this woman into her foursome. Supportive friends are hard to come by.
But anyway, Carrie realizes that it *is* amazing that she wrote a book, and she shouldn't let what she doesn't have dampen her spirits.
On the way back in the limo she sees a found playing card face-up on the ground. It's a Jack of hearts. VERY SUBTLE, SHOW.
She leaves it on the ground, but Narrator Carrie says "Then again, maybe there is something to knowing that they're out there."
And that's the episode.
Cheers!
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