Carrie went out for coffee and newspapers, and despite only being outside long enough to do that, she forgot that Aiden's stuff was blocking the whole front door.
Why did he put it so close to the door anyway?
Aiden's moved in, and he's brought ALL of his stuff with him. The nerve!
He even brought a plant.
How very dare he!
And he's blocked one of her bathroom doors. He doesn't understand why she needs two bathroom doors, since she already has one, and she says in case of rapists. Perfectly reasonable. But it's got his boxes of shit in the way, so if she gets raped, it's his fault.
Carrie is *not* pleased at all with this. She wants her space back. And an exit in case of rapists.
Now, I get it, I do, but what about the honeymoon phase? You know? The one where you put up with it cause you're at least a little happy your
It's what keeps people together, I assure you.
For now, she wants to be left alone when she gets home. Also, Aiden reminds her that it's only for another week or two because the old lady next door will be moving out then and they can take over next door.
She brings it up to her friends-- the things she wants to do that she'd never let a boyfriend see her do. Her SSB, secret single behavior. (Is this a reference to something?)
psst. Carrie. Eventually he'll go to work. Do that stuff then. I kinda feel more bad for Aiden since his only escape is work, and when Carrie has her weekly meeting with her editor. But Carrie isn't thinking about Aiden here.
Carrie has the lamest SSB: standing up in the kitchen, eating saltines with grape jelly while reading fashion magazines.
Now, first of all, that isn't private or weird at all, and second of all, Aiden would probably find it endearing and neg you for it and you'd love it, secretly.
Charlotte's is more in line with what I consider true SSB: she stares at her pores in her magnified mirror every night.
Miranda has another good one, "I like to put vaseline on my hands and put them in those borghese conditioning gloves while watching infomercials."
Samantha doesn't have one. Good on her.
I... don't have one either. I don't like to do these recaps with babe around, but it isn't cause I'm embarrassed, I just don't like the distraction. Plus it requires the use of the computer and I don't think he enjoys SaTC as much as I do. Sometimes I pluck my eyebrows, but I don't care who's watching.
I know that having time away from everyone and everything is super important, but I don't think it bodes well that Carrie is already looking for ways to escape. On the other hand, the only time I've been squished in a too-small apartment with babe was right after we moved cross-country and we had forced 800 square feet of apartment into 300 square feet of apartment. Plus a 3 year old and a 5 month old. That was no fun. No SSB for me then.
Anywho, let's carry on, shall we?
Sam gets a call from Richard, her boss and sexual partner, and suddenly she has to away.
She had previously told Carrie about the sleeping together bit, but as far as Sam knows, the other two do not.
Carrie says, "Nice! a little skyrockets in flight afternoon delight." (So presumably now *everyone* knows that they're sleeping together? yes?)
Samantha says, "No, it's just work." And Charlotte responds, "Hardly, you're sleeping with him!"
"You told them?" Sam yells at Carrie. Uh, doesn't Everyone know what that afternoon delight song is about?
"I also like to gossip on the phone while secretly pumicing my callouses." Now THERE'S an SSB!
Miranda, getting over a cold presumably, wants to know all the gory details since she's pregnant and extremely horny.
But Sam doesn't want to talk about it, so now everyone knows that she is in love with him.
"Samantha likes a guy!" Carrie singsongs.
"OMG! We're gonna have to ice skate home, hell just froze over." Miranda says.
Sam tries to make it all better by describing Richard's perfect dick, but it's left a weird taste in everyone's mouth.
Charlotte is navigating a whole lot of invisible stuff in her apartment. A whole lot of emotional baggage has been strewn all over place and now there's nowhere to sit.
She tells Trey she's having a night in with the girls sometime and he's not invited. And then she passive aggressives that she has all this time to kill now that they're off the baby track.
uh, Char? you should have been doing that stuff all along to distract yourself from it.
"It's a big readjustment. I've wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl. I mean, we have a baby room and no baby!" How the hell does Charlotte honestly expect Trey to respond to this? With a mind change?
Trey side steps that nugget, "Well. I've got some good news!" He says that he got tickets to the producers next week! Super excite!
She looks at him like he's nuts and took all the wind out of her sails.
"Charlotte, yes. We're disappointed. But life goes on. We still have to find a way to have a giggle!" He says, "come on! give me a smile!" She gives him a half grimace.
--
At her job, Richard gives Sam a pink rose, and Sam gives Richard a blow job.
--
Miranda has her own conundrum. She's had a fantastic date with a new guy! He's got her motor revving, but does she have a responsibility to tell him about the baby?
They aren't serious, and he's just in town for a little while. He'll soon be off to some European country and then to another one. (and another one).
Why is this guy dating then? Forget the baby, the baby is distracting the story. How could anyone get serious with a guy who cancelled their first two blind dates because he had international trips to go on for work? Why even attempt the third? This guy doesn't put any priority on anything but his work.
But Miranda isn't looking for anything serious or long-term, she literally just wants to get laid.
So, she asks Carrie who tells her she doesn't have to tell him anything. You know, until he comes back into town in a year and wants another date. Make sure he knows it isn't his baby. ><
I wish I were making that last part up. lol.
Miranda also wants to know if the probably very well-endowed man will poke the baby or jostle it free.
"Where do you think dimples come from?" Carrie says the only response to that stupid ass question.
Miranda decides she will sleep with the busy man and calls him soon after.
At the end of their walk, right outside Carrie's place, she helps her very old next-door neighbor down the stairs.
"You tell your boy I'm not leaving for 30 days. Read the contract!"
Carrie has to go upstairs, jostle the boxes that are blocking the door, and tell Aiden this terrible news.
Aiden is pumped up and pissed about it.
"FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA FUCKIN' DO NOW?" He shouts and jumps around.
"Oh thank you! You hate it too! I'm so relieved! I thought you'd already changed into a pod: invasion of the single snatchers."
"Of course I hate it" he says, "we cannot live like this."
He says that there might be room if they go through her closet. They do that cool zoom in trick that makes the background go all warbly. Panic.
OK, sure, but how is going through her closet going to clear room? Where is her stuff gonna go? Presumably they'll have another closet once that lady moves out in a few weeks. Aiden wants to just toss it? Rude.
Get a storage space, geniuses. Or move the furniture around a bit and shove his stuff in piles against the wall. It's temporary. sheesh.
But no, we need drama and a fight scene. So, let's make Carrie super vulnerable.
In the middle of taking the piles of shoes into the bathroom (where Carrie has laid out towels on the floor) Aiden is getting impatient with the whole thing. Most of Carrie's clothes are super ugly and Aiden supposes that she needs to get rid of half of them so that Aiden has room to put his clothes.
That is fucking stupid.
Like, maybe move some of her clothes into boxes, but do they not understand the definition of temporary?
She spent a lot of money on these clothes and shoes, and they still fit. And she loves them. And suddenly she has to chose between him and a "fucking outfit--" don't make me hurl, I would chose clothes over a boy if the boy made me choose. Ok, depends on the boy, but I like my clothes and shoes.
This isn't the point of the fight. I'll move on. The fight hasn't really started yet anyway.
It is at this point that Pete the dog starts chewing on one of her very expensive non-replaceable shoes and Carrie is rightfully pissed. and ding ding, the fight commences:
Aiden says that the dog couldn't help it since her shit is everywhere.
I am hashbrown team Carrie at this point. "My shit is everywhere because your shit is everywhere."
Then she goes through his stuff in the bathroom, "look at all your shit in my bathroom." Several sticks of deoderant, rogaine-- "rogaine? are you losing--" Now both of them are vulnerable.
"I don't want to TALK ABOUT IT!" Aiden roars. "Don't go through my stuff!"
She's hit a nerve. But Carrie is too far gone, "you were more than willing to go through all of My stuff."
And then Aiden brushes what is really concerning him, that this is *her* apartment and she doesn't want to share or let him in.
Carrie tells him to shut up, because she has "let him in." Clearly.
Aiden does Not like to be told to shut up, says that he's going to take a walk when Carrie pulls him back and says, "No, I'm taking a walk!"
And then she tries to escape through her second bathroom door and it's blocked by his shit.
"This is why I need a second door."
She goes to write in her laptop at the nearby Starbucks.
She used to think the people writing there in public were pretentious posers, but now she knows they're mid-fight. Yes, all of them. Everyone writing in public has just moved in with their fiance and needs some space.
"What are we fighting for?" Writer Carrie asks at the end of the article.
It's a good thing her column deadline aligns with important relationship markers throughout the show. :smirk:
--
Trey gives Charlotte a cardboard cut out of a baby.
She is not amused.
He's trying to make her giggle and he's completely missed the mark.
--
A few nights later at Charlotte's girls night in, Carrie is still steaming about her fight, Miranda is eager about her date later on, and Charlotte hasn't mentioned the cardboard baby. She even says to them that she and Trey don't fight because they're WASPs, "it's genetic!"
Samantha offhandedly mentions Richard, and Carrie reminds her that it's perfectly OK to like a guy.
"For the last time, the only thing I like about him is his big, throbbing, rock-hard perfect dick."
Trey walks in just then, and oops. He forgot it was girls night. "Trey, you're not supposed to be here."
Charlotte won't let him kiss her-- I guess there's some invisible baggage on her cheek.
"Still mad I see?"
And then suddenly all the baggage becomes visible. He wants to tell her friends about the cardboard baby, show it to them and see if they laugh,
"You see we were so tense about not being able to have one that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby." Trey says while Charlotte is mortified, crossing her arms in front of her. None of the other three laugh. The scene is so tense.
"Carrie, you're funny, cardboard baby? that's funny? I mean it's not haha funny, but silly."
Carrie is just awkwardly trying to figure out something to say. Trey is still awkwardly trying to explain to Charlotte's friends why he thought it was a good idea. Convinced they just need to see it, Trey decides to go get it and Charlotte yells at him, "How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cut-out of a big flaccid penis?!" And as he's leaving the room, she shouts "Don't you bring that flat baby in here I will kill you!"
The other three are left gobsmacked by the fight, unable to move.
"How dare you talk to me like that in front of your friends?" he tries to whisper yell, but everyone can still hear him.
"Oh they know all about your penis problems and they are just sick of hearing about it!" Charlotte shrieks.
"There we were," Narrator Carrie says, " in the middle of a wasp nest."
They each find excuses to leave while the fight gets more and more preposterous.
"No what's unforgiveable is you denying me my baby for your own selfish, spoiled needs!"
"You are spoiled! Ever since you moved back in here it's been nothing but babies babies babies, what about me?"
"What about you you big baby!"
"uh... We're gonna go." Carrie says as politely as she can.
"GOOD!" responds Trey.
"Don't you talk to my friends like that! Without a baby they're all I have!"
"And what am I?!" Trey asks.
"You are the Man who gave me a Cardboard baby!"
"It was funny!"
"NO it wasn't!"
"Goodniiight!" Carrie yells as she shuts the door.
The fight ends with Trey sleeping in another room and Charlotte throwing the cardboard baby at him.
--
Sam meets Richard uh... Somewhere. Somewhere private with a pool. I think it's the top of a building. Obviously not too private.
She wants to know what he invited her there for, and he reveals a special date table area.
"No, I want no part of that," Sam says, "that turns everything into a big screaming mess. We are work and sex, nothing more. Now, kindly take off those pants and show me your dick."
ah, Sam, you're the best.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." He says all smoothly. So, she is obliged to take off her dress.
Then he takes off his pants and jumps into the pool and you get several unabashed frames of his dick.
nice.
After a few hours of Sexy Swimming Behavior, SSB (as Carrie calls it, I would never make such a lame joke) Richard turns some sexy music on and wants to dance with her. She doesn't want to, but he says it's an order.
Samantha finally gives in a little and maybe lets him in a little bit. Maybe.
--
Carrie comes home from the fight at Charlotte's and decides to apologize to Aiden. Good girl.
The next day, she comes home from whatevering and he's there, he's asking her a bunch of stuff first thing, and it is the last straw. She actually communicates what she needs-- just a few minutes where she can pretend he's not there, and he can pretend that she's not there (except, you know, before she came back she actually wasn't there). She even shuts her room-dividing curtain.
She sits on the bed in the silence for maybe half a beat, when she stands up, sneaks her face through the divider and asks him what he's doing out here.
Narrator Carrie says this mouthful while Carrie Carrie settles into Aiden's lap. "That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore."
No comments:
Post a Comment