May. May already.
And also, the beginning of the end of Aiden and Carrie, although they don't know it yet.
This episode is a perfect example of Carrie's problem. Carrie is unaware of how little she can stand outside her comfort zone. She says she wants to compromise and make do and try to fit into Aiden's country life, but she also thinks she needs a cup of milk to make a pie from scratch.
So, enough precapping, let's get to the recap!
Aiden surprises Carrie with a picture of the problem du jour. Now we all knew that Aiden was a little bit country and that he's completely out of place in the City. Turns out he lives out a little country fantasy life in the deep south of the north. Upstate New York.
Carrie smiles and nods and says "Oh! The place looks great!" But it's written all over her face that she wouldn't want to go there in a hundred years.
"That's the before picture."
"whew!" He hands her a picture of the after, and it is the same. "Can I see the before again?" Just a podunk little cabin in the middle of nowhere. And he's coerced her into visiting this weekend.
She doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. This is the real him, Carrie. If you don't like the cabin and all the work he's put into it, you kinda don't like him.
He doesn't see it that way, but he absolutely should.
Anyway, So Carrie has to go to the country against her will.
Miranda has shown up to take the bonafied city girl... somewhere. It's really just an excuse for Miranda to chat with Aiden on screen (it really is rare that they are in the same scene together) about Steve. Steve needs to update his in case of emergency file, since Miranda is on it and she need not to be. Aiden is cryptic and says that Steve needs to talk to her too.
And then Miranda goes insane. "uh. no. What is he gonna tell me? Now that Jessica's gone he wants to start seeing me again? That he can't stop thinking about me? That he's still in love with me?"
"Steve's got testicular cancer."
"That I'm a horrible selfish bitch."
And she gets the saddest look on her face. Poor Steve!
She totally still loves him.
Speaking of love, Charlotte is doing some sort of fertility yoga when Trey walks in. I don't really see how limbering up will help her conceive, but it certainly gets Trey's juices flowing. She cock blocks him though, says they have to wait a few days till she's ovulating.
Well, actually then they probably *should* have sex now, but whatever. The point is, they are going to be forced to have sex in the "country"-- or you know, Connecticut. At his mother's.
Whatever floats your boat man.
Miranda meets Steve at the park to yell at him and make him cry. Well, that's not her intention. He's done zero research about the cancer, his doctors, and what sort of treatment to expect, and Miranda has done her Homework.
Tbh, I'd be annoyed at him too. How can you be mumbledy age and not know what the stages of cancer refer to? At least basically. And he was trying to be all casual and she's like it's a big Fucking deal. Take it seriously.
At the usual brunch, Miranda feels guilty, but she's still pissed off about it.
Sam defends her, and Carrie says that Miranda just needs a nice relaxing weekend in the country with her and Aiden.
"I can't go. Steve has Cancer. Somebody has to stay in town and make him feel bad about it."
Charlotte can't go because she's ovulating at Trey's mom's orchid show in Connecticut.
That's just wrong on so many levels.
And Sam is sipping her coffee trying to avoid eye-contact.
Sam also has a very unusual tirade about the term "the weekend." Apparently every guy she's slept with recently wants to hang out on "the weekend" and she's baffled. The weekend, according to her, is when she meets new guys so she doesn't have to sleep with the old ones.
Yeah, what assholes, wanting to spend more time with you during the two days they have off from work.
What selfish jerks.
So Carrie has to go alone.
At the Cabin, there's a bobcat outside and piles of stuff covered it tarps. The cabin looks rough, but not terrible for a few days of roughing it. I mean, it has indoor plumbing. and original floors even!
No screens on the windows though, and that really is a non-negotiable. They're gonna be eaten alive by raccoons or mosquitoes or something.
Carrie is wearing probably the least appropriate clothes for deep north cabining. Manolos Carrie? Really? You don't own a pair of chuck taylors?
Carrie's looking around, 'admiring' Aiden's handiwork, putting on lip gloss, and mentally complaining about how she could be shopping. Suddenly she is startled into actually screaming by a squirrel that's sitting on the window sill eating nuts. It didn't even land in front of her, it was just there minding it's own business when she starts Screaming and carrying on.
"Oh god oh god!" Carrie is hyperventilating.
"What?! Are you OK?" Aiden thought maybe it was an actual emergency.
"NO! No. Oh my God! There was a huge giant squirrel in that window right there."
Aiden explains that it's his squirrel and he's been feeding it and trying to be friends with it. She makes fun of him. "You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit!"
Don't tell that to Bob Ross.
Well, instead of being offended, Aiden has sex with her.
After that, he goes to sleep and she's left alone with nothing to do. She's found an outlet and starts writing her column. This time about compromise.
"How much of ourselves should we be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being ourselves?"
Carrie. Carrie. Calm down. Sample sale shopping on the weekend is not a personality.
And is it just me or did they polish her up for this episode-- she used to be MUCH scrappier. Now she can't manage to entertain herself without complaining for a few hours? What does she do at home in her apartment? She's not meeting her friends and going shopping every day of the week.
For a writer, she has way too much trouble being alone with her thoughts.
Just saying.
And where's her book? Don't writers read a lot?
These women need hobbies.
The next day, she calls Charlotte while driving through a drive thru. It's rude. Like, besides the whole cell phone use while driving thing-- starting a conversation when you know you're about to be speaking to someone in the service industry and then making them wait on top of it while you finish gabbing. Effing rude.
That's not even mentioning the "joke" she makes at the poor chap: "I'd like a cheeseburger, large fries and a cosmopolitan."
"What??"
"A strawberry shake please."
Meanwhile, she's just complaining and complaining and complaining at Charlotte about the situation she's in. The reason she's not at the cabin right now is because there's nothing to eat in the country unless she cooks it herself so she has to drive to New Jersey to get a cheeseburger and cell service.
Aside. This plot doesn't make any sense. So, we know the cabin is 45 minutes outside the city, presumably north. She claims to have driven to New Jersey, which is South of New York probably around lunch time? She gets back to the cabin that day but has to take a train in to the City to meet with her editor sometime in the afternoon. This is totally unreasonable, and there *has* to have been not only cell service, but a fucking cheeseburger closer to the cabin. I mean, she pretty much had to drive past Manhattan to get to New Jersey, right?
OK, I just googled it. Cause I can't just let it go. Suffern actually *is* a town an hour north of Manhattan. Hoboken, NJ is *right outside* of Manhattan, to the north. google maps lists the drive time between the two as 45 minutes. In fact, she could have driven to where Charlotte is during the episode in the same amount of time.
And now I have a whole new complaint about the thing. Suffern is nowhere close to upstate New York. New York is a massive state, and geographically, Suffern isn't even north of the Northern border of Pennsylvania. It's South of Connecticut. Apparently in New York City Lingo, anything outside the city is the country and anything north of the City is upstate.
Whatever.
End aside.
The real problem here is she's so woefully dependent on restaurants and convenient stores that she can't even make herself a cheeseburger. It's not that hard. Also, she's spending surprisingly little time *at the cabin* and then still managing to complain about it.
Charlotte talks her down, reminds Carrie that she loves Aiden and maybe she needs to at least try not to be a fucking cunt about it.
Charlotte is in her own compromising situation. Trey has gone and told his mother about the trying to make a baby stuff, and now Bunny won't let her do anything fun like eat shrimp for breakfast.
Carrie decides that maybe she should try a little bit. So the next scene she's back at the cabin elbow deep in mud. She's helping Aiden by slipping in the mud a bunch.
They're attempting to lift a railroad tie to move it out of the way, and they're doing it all wrong. I'm pretty sure Aiden set up the whole situation to watch her fall down a bunch. He's got one side all lifted and chest high, and she's trying to lift the other side from a downhill position and can't get traction on the slippery mud. He should have let her hold the side that's up on dry dirt while *he* lifted the other side out of the mud. Or at least dragged it out of the mud before letting her attempt to lift it.
Finally she's had enough falling down, says she's not actually helping and needs to shower for her editor meeting that afternoon.
Turns out it was a ruse. It's not an editor she's meeting with. Even worse, it's Big.
Sure, it's a friendly dinner they're having, but if Aiden found out, ooooh, he would be pissed.
Like I said, friendly dinner, so after Carrie complains -again- about how she's a city girl stuck in a cabin upstate, Big starts gushing about his dating life. He's seeing a movie star, and he's in love.
She wants him to stop describing the woman's red panties, but I don't. nnff. Sounds hot.
Next scene she's back in the country, but this time she's brought Sam for entertainment. Sam is miserable. There's no A/C and Carrie has turned on the oven for the baking of pie. But she can't bake a pie because she doesn't have milk.
You don't put a cup of milk in apple pie. This all reminds me of this:
On the other hand, the name of the recipe book she's following is Fucking Amazing: Suffern Succotash!
"Is it hot in here or is it just me?" Aiden asks the room.
"It isn't you!" Sam retorts. Then she looks out the window and sees a very sexy farmer across the way. "Who's the farmer with the delts?" She asks in the punnest way possible.
"If we're gonna bake us a pie, we're gonna need us some milk!" She says as she ties her top right under her boobs ala Daisy Duke, and goes down to flirt with the sexy farmer.
She asks for some milk, and he takes her to the source and then laughs as Sam tries to milk a cow. It *is* funny. Somehow she gets it all over her face, cause of course she does.
And then they have sex in the barn.
Afterward he asks what she's doing next weekend and she just leaves, annoyed with him for asking.
In another country, Charlotte is in her and Trey's room, ripping her tennis clothes off, shouting, "Trey are you up here?!"
"In the bath!"
"It's Time! I'm Ovulating! So get out of the tub! Get into this bed! Make love to me right now!"
Yes ma'am.
She opens the bathroom door and there in front of her bathing adult son is Bunny.
"Charlotte I was just telling Trey how much you remind me of myself at your age."
Charlotte quickly exits the scene and flees to the Orchid garden.
Trey finds her there and he's all nonchalant.
"What were you doing up there?" She confronts him.
"Up where? What do you mean?" He asks.
"What do you mean what do I mean?! Your mother was watching you bathe!"
He tries to explain that they were just having a conversation.
Charlotte is worried that he's going to want her to be that kind of mother, and he assures her that he wasn't raised by his mother and that it really is just a strange bonding thing-- the only bonding thing that he had growing up.
He also assures Charlotte that he knows she'll be a much better, more present mother than his mother was. And then they do it in the middle of the orchid garden. She's got her feet up for some reason, I guess it makes the sperm swim better. She knocks over quite a few of his mother's orchids, causing her to lose the orchid contest to her old rival.
oops.
I forgot about Steve and Miranda.
oop.
Miranda is feeling supremely guilty for making her friend the cancer patient cry. So she invites him to have a Chinese and watch a terrible kung fu movie. She lets him have the last spring roll and is super extra nice to him.
He sees through her ruse, "That's it, I'm out of here." he says. He doesn't want to be treated like a cancer patient.
"What are you talking about?"
"Since when don't you want the last spring roll? You usually eat all the spring rolls. I'm lucky if I even see a spring roll!" he barks.
She says she's sorry, that she feels bad for being a bitch. He responds that her being a bitch to him got him to get a better doctor, educate himself and deal with it responsibly and he's thankful for her.
d'aww.
"Give me that spring roll." He demands.
--
After his surgery he wakes up and she's there.
A nurse comes by to remind them visiting hours are over, and Miranda demands to stay since she's his in case of emergency person. That's like, way more important than family. lol.
Steve says she doesn't have to stay, and Miranda ties the episode together by telling him to shut up or she'll give him a sponge bath.
She gives him some juice and the way they look at each other. Damn. Do I really need to wait two whole seasons for Miranda to realize he's the one?
damn.
In her last scene at the cabin, Carrie has finished baking the crust for the pie. She probably didn't have to do that, but whatever. She pulls it out of the oven, and shows Aiden. He's there to announce his shower intentions, and she's annoyed cause she wanted some help with the apples.
Suddenly the Squirrel makes an appearance.
And she Freaks out and flops her whole body. Her leg gets burned by the pie pan and she just loses it.
"I hate this squirrel, I hate this oven! I hate... this."
"Just say it, you hate the house."
"I hate the house."
"Thank you."
She goes on about how much she hates it, how she burned her leg, and he lifts her on the counter and grabs some ice cubes out of the iced tea on the counter to soothe her burn. Well, that's nice, if sticky.
"I'm sorry." She says after calming down a skosh. "I don't hate the house. I hate the Squirrel."
Well, he hates you too, don't worry about it.
Carrie says that maybe she should only come up on the weekend. Aiden decides to compromise, saying that she doesn't have to come back more than every other weekend. Carrie playfully grabs his hair and says that she doesn't have to come at all. That's true Carrie.
They kiss and she says that weekends are good.
Was it... established that she was coming more than the weekends? I thought that weekend trips to the cabin was the whole point? Did I miss something?
Doesn't he work during the week?
Whatever.
Back in the City with Sam, they're eating apple pies from McDonalds and wondering why anyone would actually want to bake their own pies.
Just... really?
Whatever.
Idiots.
I'm done.
See you next week!
<3
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