Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Season 3 Episode 17 What Goes Around Comes Around

This episode proves exactly how selfish and awful Carrie is.  I know, I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again.

It is about karma and cosmic retribution.

I don't need to go into detail about how I feel about this. Essentially, can't we all just be good for *goodness* sake?  And sometimes bad shit happens.  :shrugs:

This episode starts out with Charlotte at her mother-in-law's estate. The menfolk are playing tennis while the women are sitting around waiting to play.

"She's wearing pastels, it's Whites only."

Charlotte is the she in question.  Oh, you hyper-rich folk and your ridiculous rules.

Charlotte takes the hint and goes to change out of her so-close-to-white-it-tricked-even-me pastel clothes.  Narrator Carrie explains that after a few failed attempts with the sex, Trey had given up on their sex life.  Charlotte is expected to be OK with this. On the way back to the house, she sees a sweaty, muscled gardener tending to a beautiful  copse of red roses.

"beautiful... roses"  Yeah, sure Char.  You were complimenting his *roses.*

Charlotte talks to the foursome about his *roses* at lunch in the next scene.  But there, coming from the other side of the restaurant is Natasha!  One look at Carrie, and she fumes and leaves the restaurant.

Carrie makes it all about her.

No really.  "I can't believe there's a person in New York that could hate me that much!"

Uh, Carrie?  You slept with her husband.  She has a right to be angry at you.

Sam tells her that someone told her that Natasha and Big were done-zo. 

On the way home, or shopping or whatever, Carrie ends up sort of lost and someone mugs her!

They even steal her -shoes!-

She runs barefoot into the nearest business, a barbershop, and announces that she's been robbed and no one moves or seems to care.

"I've been robbed?"

Miranda shows up after a beat with spare shoes.  They aren't cute.  Rather than just say "thank you," she says she can't wear them.

I would eyeroll, but adding insult to injury at this point is just mean.

Miranda meanwhile, is being flirted at by the very cute and very sexy officer on the scene. She is kind of amazed, since she doesn't think she's cute or flirt-able.  He asks her out, and she's flummoxed.

On the night of the big date, she has trouble even getting dressed, since nothing in her closet goes with 'hunk.'  She chats on the phone with Carrie about it while her date is waiting in her living room.  Carrie postulates that it might just be Karma, or the universes way of throwing her a bone(r).

You get it gurl!

(yeah, I didn't think I could pull that line off either)

---

Samantha's storyline is odd.  She keeps getting phone calls from friends of someone named "Sam Jones" and apparently he's some guy throwing a party somewhere.  She wants to go to the party, and she also wants to tell Sam Jones to stop his friends from calling her.

How exactly are they getting Samantha's number, btw?  Doesn't he give his friends his phone number?  I'm so confused about this.  Did all these people really go looking for their friend's phone number in the white pages?

*and the really important question, do they even print the white pages anymore?

She ends up going with Carrie down to where the "fabulous" party is and finds out that its in a dorm.  oop.  She decides to confront young Sam Jones about all the phone calls.  He, for some reason, drunkenly tells her that he's a virgin and, for some reason, Samantha decides it's the universes way of telling her that she should take Sam Jones' virginity.

It's very odd.

He ends up absolutely obsessed with her.  Calling her constantly, and saying that he's in love with her.  At the end of her story, he comes to her apartment, and bashes his fist against her door over and over and over again shouting "I love you Sam Jones!"

It's scary, tbh.

While Carrie and Sam are leaving that hot party a few scenes ago, Carrie ends up getting pushed while on the stairs and falling and bleeding a bit.  She remembers that a similar thing happened to Natasha and decides it's the universes way of telling her that she needs to have a conversation explaining herself to Natasha.

---

Charlotte meanwhile is absolutely plagued by sex dreams of the sexy gardener.  She's thrown all caution to the wind and is currently banging *her own head* against the headboard.

Well, if Trey's not going to take you there, you might as well take you there yourself.

Unfortunately, Trey wakes her up thinking that she's having a nightmare.

waaah waaah

While back at Bunny's estate--

pictured: Bunny

Charlotte casually, most definitely not on purpose, finds her way in the path of the gardener.  She flirts with him pretty heavily, you know, for her, and he flirts right back.  He gives her one of his beautiful roses and then leans in and they kiss.  hot.

But unfortunately, her sister-in-law happened to be walking around the estate and sees her in the act.

oop.

She reveals what she's seen to the entire group that evening over cocktails.

"You're a McDougal now!" Bunny says as she puts the wrong end of her cigarette in her mouth.  It is so funny and cute of her.  I'm pretty sure that's the last time I have anything remotely funny and positive to say about Bunny for the rest of her tenure.

Trey looks so hurt.

She catches him late late that night playing tennis on his own in his underwear.  He is processing it the only way he knows how, that is, playing tennis late at night in his underwear.

He doesn't want to have to look the other way, and she doesn't want to have urges to kiss the gardener.

Honey, I am not sure that anything Trey does could keep any of us from having impure thoughts about the gardener.  That's just wack.

(Yeah, I didn't think I could pull that line off either)

Charlotte insists that she doesn't want a man who'll just look the other way, that she thinks they ought to separate when they get back to the city.

He just says "alrighty"

--
Miranda ends up going on another date with the sexy officer.  She realizes halfway through the date that everyone in the restaurant is looking at him like he's for dinner.  She fantasizes that everyone is also looking at *her* like she doesn't deserve to be with such a hot stud.

To cope, she ends up drinking at least two double vodka martinis, fucking him aggressively back at her place, and waking up with a hangover.

He has left in the middle of the night, but has also left her a note with a number her the local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter.

Poor Miranda.
--

Despite doing everything she could to avoid Carrie, Natasha finds her lunch date interrupted by Carrie. She's absolutely, rightfully, livid.

"I have to talk to you." Carrie says

"I'm going to scream." Natasha announces.

"Oh don't, I'm only going to stay a minute" Carrie says.  Then she takes a very long awkward gulp of water from Natasha's guest's water glass.  OK, to be fair he hadn't shown up yet, but still.  wth, Carrie?

"I heard about your marriage," Carrie begins, "And it's just so terrible. I never, never meant for any of this to happen and if there was something I could do to take it all away, I would. But I can't. So I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Natasha asks, "are you through?"

"yes. thank you for listening." then Carrie gets up to go

"Wait. I'm sorry too." Natasha is shooting daggers.

"you are?" Carrie asks

"Yes, I'm sorry about it all.  I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch. I guess that's just what I had to say."

savage.

After another awkward pause, her date shows up.  She kisses him on the cheek as Carrie is walking away.

Narrator Carrie then goes on to talk about "the karmic chain of events that put Natasha back on the single's market. As if single women in New York didn't have it hard enough."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?

Like, sure, she sounded real remorseful when talking to Natasha about how sorry she is, but what the fuck does Natasha being single have to do with anything?  Carrie feels bad because Natasha is *single*?


"...and somewhere out there Big was alone again. the Universe may not always play fair but at least it's got a hellavu sense of humor."

What the hell is she going on about?

 I don't have enough eyeball to roll it as much as I want to.

And to recap the recap, Carrie is selfish because she didn't go to Natasha to apologize for Natasha, she went to apologize for *herself.* She doesn't feel bad about what she did because it was wrong, but because she's afraid of karma kicking her ass again.

selfish twit.

In the next episode, Carrie decides she wants the roosters crowing on the roof of the vet's office near her apartment to stay there. Then changes her mind, calls the vet to ask them to move the animals and then wonders what happened to the roosters.

no really.

It is so fucking stupid.  I can't wait!

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