Thursday, October 12, 2017

Season 3 Episode 13 Escape from New York

This episode is sort of a part 1, it and the next episode mostly take place in Los Angeles.  Well, the fictionalized, according to New Yorkers, Los Angeles.




If I were to draw a map of the U.S. according to Sex and the City, I would have labeled the entire state of California "Hollywood" and everything else, save NYC, "The Country."

So the foursome start off at brunch.  Miranda, Sam, and Carrie are all plotting a trip to California.  Some Very Small Film Studio's Executive's assistant (VSFSEA) is talking about optioning her column.  I guess that means a movie? (after six seasons of course)


(It's funny because this show *is* six seasons and a movie.  we don't talk about the other movie)

Carrie is still all bummed out about losing Aiden and thinks that a quick change of scenery will help lift her out of her funk.

Charlotte has come home from her honeymoon in Bermuda.  She has pictures of all the golfing they did and wearing of Bermuda shorts they wore. It seems lame.

And it is. After Miranda and Sam conveniently leave the scene, Carrie and Charlotte have a mini conversation where they both announce that they are doing good, then admit that each of their lives is shit:

Carrie: I told Aiden about the affair and he broke up with me.

Charlotte: Trey and I didn't have sex on our honeymoon.

She wins. err. loses.

Carrie tries to give advice about impotence, and Charlotte is in complete denial.

"My husband can't be impotent, he's gorgeous."

"Alright then, glad you solved that!"

--

So Carrie Miranda and Sam leave Charlotte behind and head off to Hollywood.

At the hotel, there's a man behind the counter who's mostly naked and reading a magazine.  They think that is a very good representation of the average job in L.A.

Miranda finds out that her room wasn't booked, and is less then pleased about this development.

Carrie thinks that the best explanation for this emotion is that she's from New York.  People who live in California have never heard of being inconvenienced and annoyed by it.  Especially with all the traffic.  New Yorkers invented 'pissed off' don'tchaknow?


Miranda opts to share a room with Carrie, and Carrie doesn't want Miranda complaining about her smoking, and that's when Carrie learns that her hotel room is non-smoking.


At the bar, a little later on, they go their separate ways.

Sam meets a dildo model (cause of course she does), Miranda meets a guy who finds her hilarious and then ditches her to follow a set of tits, and Carrie meets the VSFSEA who is really fucking annoying.  She's talking with Carrie about the columns, and about how much she relates to Carrie the writer.  VSFSEA digs into Carrie about her age, and also calls someone across the room a loser, at one point she said a guy should have his balls cut off. what a charmer!

She reveals to Carrie that they have an actor interested, and forces Carrie to guess who it might be. Carrie isn't into Hollywood and doesn't know any famous people's names. This is when the show sort of steps out of the fourth wall and it is kind of awkward. It is awkward when shows are aware of their status as shows, mentions real actors, and then actors play themselves, right?  awkward.

VSFSEA mouths a name between her hands and does a little happy fingers dance, but her lips definitely didn't say what the voice over said which was "Matthew Mcconaughey"

--


Meanwhile, Back in New York,  Trey is being a good husband.  He's making a list on the computer of all the gifts and who sent them. It's super nice, but not exactly what Charlotte had in mind when she got into that very naughty lacey nighty.  She comes up behind him, chewing his ear, and he is just not interested at all.





"Trey.  We have a problem."

"I know.  Somehow we got to serving platters and we only registered for one."

Back in the City of Angels, Carrie has rented a beautiful Vintage Ford Mustang.  That she can't drive.

Let's pause and enjoy the irony of that.  Indeed, I think that is actually a really apt metaphor for Carrie in general.

 "Why didn't you just get an automatic?"

"I love this car.  It goes with my outfit!"

They're stuck trying to go up hill, Carrie is grinding the gears and falling back terrifyingly.  Sam makes a quick escape, "I'm not going to die in this tin can! I have a date with a dildo."

(priorities, amiright?)

Miranda sticks (heh) around and attempts to help Carrie jerk the car uphill. I don't know how much help, if Miranda knows how to drive so well, why doesn't she just do the driving?

--

Later on, Carrie has her meeting with my left boob  uh, Matthew Mcconaughey, and he really is a boob.  It is a very jarring meeting.  Carrie thought it was a meeting to discuss her columns, and story ideas, but Matthew Mcconaughey thinks it's an acting challenge.  He's inserting himself as Mr Big, but gets the character completely wrong, and it is completely unprofessional.

Rather than take it for what it was (an inappropriate guy doing unprofessional things) Carrie takes what Matthew Mcconaughey as a roast against her.  It's kind of Sad, actually.

Matthew Mcconaughey has posited that Carrie was equally at fault for the implosion of Mr Big and Carrie, and calls it bullshit when Carrie points out, obviously, that Big had commitment problems.

She's shaken up by him, not because he's being a weird actor guy, but because of what he says. As if it has any weight on her and her life.

So, at the end of the episode she decides not to meet with Matthew Mcconaughey and VSFSEA again.

And the odd thing is, she still stays in L.A. for another week.  Wouldn't the studio contact her about how she can't stay in L.A. on their dime anymore if she isn't going to work with them?

eh?

--

Sam takes the foursome to a sex toy party.  I guess her dildo-boyfriend told her about it.  The party features one of those cakes shaped like genitals that was in quite a few shows back in the early 2000s.

Miranda is amazed that sex is *everywhere* in L.A. (And she hasn't even gone to the Valley yet!). She points to a woman at the party dressed *very* scantily and wishes she could be like her.

Carrie slut shames the woman (literally calling her a hooker), and the lady overhears and reveals that she's actually a lawyer for disney.  So stfu, Professional women can dress slutty, and professional Women can too. Equal opportunity, baby.

They act like she's dressing like this all the time.  It's a dildo party.  She can dress like that if she wants. It's not like it's court. Christ.

Miranda talks about New York like sex is hidden, like the men in NY have to search for sexy underneath her witty banter. But now that she's out of town and wants to have frivolous sex, she doesn't care if the men in L.A. think she's slutty.  It's vacation slut.  It washes right out.

 Miranda and Carrie want to leave the party, but Sam says they haven't cut the cock yet.  :DDD

"I wonder if it's cream filled?"

Sam goes back to her hotel room with Mr. Dildo.  It turns out, he's more than just a dick. He wants to tell her about her poetry and move to New York and pursue porn there.  Sam decides she would rather not have to introduce him to people and breaks it off. (but she took the best part of him with her).

--

Back in New York, Charlotte calls Carrie to whine about her husband.  Carrie advises her to tie a piece of paper around his dick when he's sleeping, and if it rips in the night he can get hard.  (or, you know, he is bothered by the piece of paper and rips it off himself in the night)

Also, Carrie and Charlotte ALREADY KNOW that he can achieve an erection.  She gave him a handy a few episodes ago.

Charlotte uses a line of stamps (from the thank you notes).  I don't know how she manages to tie it around his dick without him noticing, or at all.

But success!  We learned nothing new!

OH NO, though!  Since it isn't a physical problem it has to be *emotional* and there are no quick sleuthy solutions for that.

--

One of the last scenes, Carrie is smoking by the pool.  It's late at night, and there are no other guests around.  A hotel worker comes by.  Carrie thinks he's asking her to put out her cigarette, but he just wanted to keep her company.

"No thanks, I'd like to be alone."

And as if that was something profound, Narrator Carrie-- the unreliable narrator-- says something "deep" about Carrie.  That she does want to be alone.  Well, she *did* just get a new dildo.

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