Friday, September 15, 2017

Season 3 Episode 10 All or Nothing

huh, I only just realized that in my last post, I labelled it as season 2.  oooop.

Ah well, moving on.

At the end of the last episode, Carrie had found herself in bed with Big.  And how did that happen?

So, that happened.

So far, it's just a one-off, and she doesn't want to talk to her friends about it for fear of scorn and judgement.

The foursome are at Sam's place, celebrating her life with a drunk viewing of An Affair to Remember.  Good job, show.  Right on the nose.

Before the movie, the foursome are very enthusiastic about how happy they are in their lives-- especially Sam.  She compares herself to her mother when she was her age: a sad woman saddled with three kids and a drunk husband.

Carrie quips that now she's just saddled with three drunk friends.  :DD

Charlotte thinks it's sad that Sam can be happy without a man, "I really think that having it all really means having someone to share it with."

"oh please, that is so Barney!"

"Well, I'm sorry!  My life wasn't really complete until I met Trey!" Charlotte insists.

Miranda is the audience here, nodding along and trying to be happy for her friend.

I really don't understand this about Charlotte.  She literally *just* met him a few weeks ago.  And what about her life before? was it really so void of meaning and fulfillment?  What a whole lot of weight to put on some guy she doesn't know has erectile dysfunction yet.

Funny line ahoy: "And Trey's mom is so great!"

She doesn't even know that his mom is a tyrant yet, either!

She is so desperate for a storybook ending, she doesn't realize that getting married is not actually the end of anything.


Ok, well *that* one was.

"You see us Manhattan! We have it all!"  Sam shouts out the window to the indifferent Meat Packing District.

"Fuck yous!"  A Meat Packer replies.

"You wish!"

At the end of their little movie night, and after Charlotte and Miranda go home, Carrie opens up to Sam about the affair.

 Sam really is the nicest character on the show.  She's the most caring, compassionate, and non-judgemental person.  She asks a few simple questions, but is really just there to comfort her friend.  It is super nice.

She doesn't even criticize Carrie's terrible fashion choice.  She's got on a light blue top with bleach stains all over it, random strips of various sized red fabric sewn as a makeshift collar and rhinestones along the neckline.  It is the worst shirt I've ever seen in my life.

And Sam doesn't even mention it.

She's such a good friend.

 Rather than go home after movie night, Carrie goes to Aiden's place, wakes him up in the middle of the night, and spends the rest of the night with him.  He has to get up early though, to make a furniture delivery that weekend upstate.

I don't believe this for a minute.  For the amount of money that each of these pieces cost, there's no way he can't afford a deliveryman or four.  But I guess I'll bite.

Carrie is inconveniently left alone for the weekend.  And we all know how this is going to go.


Meanwhile, Sam "I have it all" Jones has woken up with the flu.  She attempts to close her room-wide curtain, but can't quite reach it all that well and falls over. The curtain rod breaks from the wall and sunshine streams in.  It is so sad.  And Sam has no mans to come over and fix it for her. D:

None of the men she has on call want to come over to fix it for her either: "I can't even blow my nose let alone blow you!!"

--


Charlotte and Trey are at an upscale department store picking out wedding china.

"$1300?!"

Charlotte wants it all, and she wants Trey to pay for it.

"They're very beautiful."

"Yes. They'll look lovely under the ramen noodles we'll be forced to eat due to my outstanding China loans."

She gives him the biggest puppy-dog eyes she can muster, and he's forced to acquiesce.

The shop-worker (on commission, I imagine) looks incredibly impressed by Charlotte's manipulation.

And speaking of manipulation, on Trey's way out of the scene, he hands Charlotte his list of invitees for the engagement party, and tucked away under it is a prenuptial agreement.

sneaky sneaky.

Charlotte is taken completely aback, and has her lawyer friend Miranda take a look over it.

According to Miranda, it looks standard.  They get into a whole discussion of prenups and the reality of two people merging assets.  Charlotte doesn't want her illusion to end, she also thinks she's worth a lot more than what the prenup has valued her as.

It is all very rich people stuff.  I understand alimony, but $500,000 isn't enough?  Really?  It is supposed to set Charlotte up to stand up to Trey's mom, Bunny, but it really just makes Charlotte look like a selfish Cow.

--

The episode wouldn't be complete without a small Miranda story line.

While Miranda is talking to Charlotte about prenups, an old lawyer friend from Chicago says hi, and they decide to go on a date.  The date ends with a doorway make-out, but he has an early flight so they decide to continue the relationship remotely-- err remote phonely. phone sex.  We'll just call him Phoney.

There's a hilarious scene where Miranda is flicking the bean while phone sexing with Phoney.  She has call waiting, sits up and answers the phone.  It's Charlotte.

Charlotte wants to talk about negotiating with Trey and Bunny, meanwhile Miranda is hot and sweaty from phone sexing.  It is hilarious.  She switches lines between Charlotte and Phoney, laying down and sitting up and laying down again.

"Charlotte this is not a good time, I'll call you tomorrow!"

In their next phone sex adventure, Miranda is the one put on hold. But something weird happens.  Rather than come back to the phone remembering where they left off, old Phoney has gone on without her, "We hadn't gotten to that yet!" which leads Miranda to believe that he's having phone sex with other people.

and my suspension of disbelief has broken again.

Did he just start up a phone sex conversation as a matter of course with the lady who beeped in?  And how did they get farther along in their sexing before Miranda and phoney did?  Do they not have phone-foreplay?

"We never discussed exclusivity!" Phoney explains simply.

Miranda hangs up on Phoney.

---

Meanwhile, back in Carrie's timeline.  Guys, I don't want to do this.  It is so stupid.

Carrie does what we all know she will with an empty apartment and Aiden off in the boonies somewhere delivering a couch.

She calls Big.  She just wants to talk.  They can just talk...

...yeah, no they can't.

When Aiden comes home a few days later, he is none the wiser, and she is torn.

She carries her guilt over to Sam's place.  Sam is still battling actual problems and is delusional with fever.  Carrie is nice enough to make Sam's mother's recipe for frozen overdose: orange fanta and Robitussin blended over ice.  So much robotussin.

geez.

Sam cries to Carrie that she's all alone, that without a man she has nothing.

Her flu had turned her into Charlotte.

And meanwhile, Carrie is smoking again.

---

At the much anticipated engagement party, Miranda, Carrie and now-healthy Sam have realized that Charlotte has drank the kool aid and is willingly signing herself up to be a Stepford Wife.  So many Wasps.


 I don't know why it's surprising, really.  Charlotte's been trying to land a sexy doctor-type man for years.

Charlotte let's her friends know that she's still a selfish Cow and hasn't signed the prenup.  She still wants to negotiate her value with Bunny.  So it's bunny v. cow.



Charlotte gets what she wants, signs the prenup, and tells her friends all about it.

They are left bittersweet, and it is so lonesome on their walk home without her.

---

The final scene is a real doozy.  Carrie is hanging out in her apartment with Aiden and the dog when she gets a call from Big.

"I need to see you."

 "Miranda, I'll call you back."

"I'm downstairs.  If you don't come down, I'm coming up."

"Right, I'll call you later."

If it weren't so horrible, I would commend her for thinking on her feet so easily.

She actually offers to walk Pete the dog as a pretext for going downstairs.  Rather than, you know, continuing the Miranda theme and not having a dog along.  But Ok.  She has the dog on a leash.


Carrie complains that Big wants it all, he wants the wife and the girl to screw.  He claims that he just wants Carrie.  He threatens to tell Natasha, and Carrie tells him not to.  She still wants to be with Aiden.

Projecting much, Carrie?

"I have a man that loves me, and you have a wife that loves you."

"Don't talk about him and her like it's you and me."

"You have no right to do this.  You can't just come into my life and fuck it all up!"

Big points out what we're all thinking, "Well I think there were two people doing the fucking here, Carrie."

Carrie doesn't notice that she's let go of the leash, meanwhile, and Pete has walked off back down the street.

Carrie shouts at the dog, whose started galloping and Big actually asks "Where are you going?" Like she's some sort of monster who would let her boyfriend's dog get away.

dick.

He chases after the both of them, and she tells him to go home.

Finally, hours later, she's come home reeking of cigarettes.  There's no dog, it's been raining for quite awhile, and she is completely defeated.  She decides to come clean about the cheating with Aiden.

But there, next to Aiden in her apartment, is the dog.  Pete knows what she did and won't come for her.  Aiden chides Carrie for taking a dog running away so seriously.

What is wrong with the men in this episode?  She's rightfully upset, even if it were just about his dog running away.  She couldn't have known he would end up at home.

Narrator Carrie seems to use the dog turning up to get out of telling him the truth.

While he's comforting her, he notices something.

"Carrie, I need to ask you something. I don't want to be paranoid here, but you took Pete for a walk, and we both know you're not big on the dog walking. And I can smell something."

She sits over on the bed.  oop, he totally suspects she's been cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend!

"Are you cheating?"

She exhales, her eyes are red from the tears.  She looks at him and is about to say something--

"I can smell the smoke on you."

She admits to smoking.

He asks if she is going to quit, and she says that she really wants to, but she's shaking her head no.

OMG you guys, it's going to get so much worse before this is over.

D:

Till next time!

<3

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