Season 2 Episode 15 Shortcomings

I think Miranda and my worst fear is the same. Family Hour at her gym. Family Hour anywhere.

Kids in public are the fucking worst.

And this kid, who pops out of nowhere and tickles her while she's lifting weights is downright dangerous! Where's the fucking parent?!

I have to say that this entire premise is implausible. Gyms aren't kid-friendly. I know that kid gyms exist, and likewise parent and me gym activities exist, but not in a generic gym chain.

Unless I'm wrong.

Which is possible.

I just think it's rude. Especially when these kids are going to be running around tickling people lifting weights.

So, Miranda does the only logical thing and leaves the gym. She heads to the elevator where a panicking dad tells her not to push the button because his son wants to push it.

Tough fucking luck, kid.

Well, Miranda is nicer than me, says she's in a hurry, and asks the kid to push one, please. The kid pushes ALL of the fucking buttons. No recourse, just oop, sorry my kid is the worst, what are you gonna do? God, I fucking hate bad parenting.

“I'm sure it's just a phase.”

“yeah, the guilty-over-indulgent-phase of a d-i-v-o-r-c-e.”

The dad flirts with Miranda a little bit, and for some reason she bites. The boy is the worst of the worst. He at one point threatens to bite dad, he tells dad to be quiet and stop talking, and is a terrible brat.

And dad's response is to bribe kid with a trip to the toy store if he doesn't bite him.

For some reason Miranda thinks all of these are great qualities to look for in a stand-up guy. I would fucking run.

They enjoy another round of elevator ride until boy pees himself.

--

In the usual foursome assessment, rather than complain about his clear lack of parenting skills, Miranda complains about the divorce factor and how that is his shortcoming.

Perspective, I guess.

Sam offers the solution to round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound, so you can see their history before you buy them.

I'm still stuck on the bad parenting stuff. I don't think the problem is the divorce, it's that the dad can't control the kid. That is going to lead to some real issues, and issues that are divorced from his, well, divorce.

Speaking of people who are divorced whose issues aren't that they are divorced:

Charlotte's brother Wesley, who is separated from his wife Lesley (and who probably works for Nestle) is in town.

Charlotte doesn't want them to meet the brother if he's going to be subjected to scrutiny and ridicule.

Sam says “I'll be scrutiny, you be ridicule.” Miranda replies, “I always have to be ridicule, why can't you be ridicule.”

Carrie is dating someone new! Young Justin! From Parks and Rec!

He's a writer here, of short stories and he seems nice and sweet. His name is Vaughn. They have a cute chemistry. He has to drop some books off at his parents' townhouse, and if he doesn't stop in and say hi, he's looking at two months of hard family time.

The family is... neat. They have charisma. There are a few weird little things of note, on the flow, some of the conversation is-- odd.

His mother is really great, recognizes Carrie almost instantly and brings in the dad to meet her. Vaughn wants to leave, but mother won't let them go. She presses Carrie to write about Revirginization and the women who get surgeries to be like new again (well, aren't they clever! Notes Carrie). It is odd, and how Carrie will fit it into her weekly column about sex and dating is dubious. Vaughn explains that mother just finished a documentary about genital mutilation.

And apropos of absolutely nothing that came before it, Mom says “And I typed all his short stories for him when he was twelve.” Nothing to do with anything either before or after it.

Dad comes in the room finally and asks if Carrie wants to speak at Columbia at his seminar on cultural zeitgeist. We'll soon see how well Carrie speaks in front of people later on in season 3. ><

I love the way the family talks, about JD Salinger and sexual culture. It is exceptional, and like, funny. Like an interesting liberal arts lecture.

Vaughn again insists that he wants to leave, and even Carrie is like, “Are you kidding me? Leave now?!”

–

Miranda is on a park date with divorced guy and the kid.

The guy talks about how being a divorcee with a kid is like being fly-paper for women.

I don't know why.

Miranda says he's like the holy grail for women, because he wants stability and a good home-life.

Then she gets smacked by kid with a rather large stick.

I told you to run!

–

Charlotte has baked muffins for her brother. She is trying to cheer Wesley up, but he'd rather have vodka-- “I don't have any!” “And you call yourself a wasp?!”

Charlotte is in over her head. She doesn't understand why he doesn't just work it out with his wife. “Relationships take work and understanding!” She explains like it's always so simple, and Wesley is sage-like, “Charlotte, when was your last long-term relationship?” “Oh, just eat your muffin!” I love how feisty she is.

–

Vaughn and Carrie race home after the afternoon family-time. Apparently family-time really gets these two in the mood. The music here is perfectly frantic, setting the scene perfectly., they are stumbling through the door, making out through several rooms and frantically pulling each others clothes off,-- and, oh, oh, oh.

D:

“It was inevitable this would happen... I just didn't know it would happen so quickly.”

--

“Get out now, before he stains all your sheets!” Sam is just spot on this episode.

Miranda and Carrie try to rationalize away the-- ahem, shortcoming.

“Look, the guy can't get his Cadillac into the garage. Honey, I'm sorry, I hate being right about this!”

“I like him” Carrie idiots.

“well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.”

“but the thing I like best about him is his family.”

“ooh, anyone there you could fuck?” Sam really is looking out for her friend. They look at her like she has three heads. “What? I'm trying to be helpful!”

Carrie talks a bit about how great Vaughn's family is, and how much she has a crush on them. She calls them the Tom Cruise of Charismatic families. Which is ironic, because Tom Cruise really doesn't have charisma like what she's talking about. I don't think he had it even when this was filmed. Needless to say, he isn't the first choice I have as an example of a guy with charisma.

Even now, I can't think of anyone who does have that charisma from back then, certainly not an actor. Maybe a comedian. Or a TEDtalks person. They didn't have those back then.

I'm getting off track. Miranda rightly says (at least for her story-line) that family is supposed to be the obstacle for relationships. And then Sam sort of creepily talks about someone she fucked when she was thirteen because his family had a pool and his mom made cookies and kool-aid for her.

It is really creepy to be honest. I'm not certain the writers meant for her to say she was sexually active that young, but it's there. It belies the episode coming up in season 3 where Sam lectures several thirteen-year-old girls who shouldn't be talking so much about boys and fucking-- “At least till you're 16 and start having sex.”

–

Writer Carrie talks about relationships and family, and how many people are emotionally involved when you sleep with someone. It actually seems like a meaningful topic and right in line with everything going on in the episode. From Charlotte and her brother's divorce, to Miranda and the son of the guy she's seeing. I wonder how that little boy feels seeing guy date so many women so soon after the divorce.

No wonder he peed his pants in the elevator.

–

Carrie and Sam go out to meet Charlotte's brother at a bar. Charlotte is pissed that Carrie brought their mutual friend Sam, because “look look, she's doing it already!” “What? They're talking?”

Sam wants to take Wesley to a Jazz club.

 

 And Charlotte doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to encourage this foolishness. But, you know, he's an adult and goes alone with Sam to Charlotte's chagrin.

--

Miranda is meanwhile in bed with the divorced guy. They seem to be getting on. She has to slip away to the bathroom. While peeing naked, the little boy races into the bathroom and before he can see anything, she slams the door right in his face. He's bleeding, and possibly really hurt.

She wraps herself in a towel before exiting the bathroom. She tries to make light about the whole situation, but divorced guy tells her to just go.

“The one thing about families. If no one's sorry to see you go, then you're probably not coming back.”

Poor Miranda. D:

–

Charlotte wakes up to find Samantha wearing Wesley's shirt in her kitchen. Sam is looking for coffee filters and Charlotte is affronted. She confronts Sam, “You and my brother? You slept with my brother?”

“oh honey, what a doll, he really--”

“Is your vagina in the New York City Guidebooks? because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town, it's always open!!”

Now it was Sam's turn to be affronted. She is stunned, standing there looking at her.

Wesley walks through the tension in the kitchen, moves to run his hand on Sam's shoulder, but she wisely moves away from him, throws the coffee can into the sink and escapes the scene. Wesley is like, “What did you say?”

Charlotte tries to explain her shock, and rationalize her slut-shaming.

Wesley is having absolutely none of it, “Who asked you to butt your nose into my-- Samantha wait, don't go!” He turns to run after Sam who is wearing the dress from last night, shoe-less, and currently escaping from Charlotte's apartment.

He grabs his keys and follows Samantha out of the scene.

drama!

Let's just skip over the next scene shall we? Carrie has another unfortunate experience with Vaughn. Eek again.

Charlotte and her brother talk it out. He says that if Charlotte hands him a muffin he's out of there. Lol.

She starts by trying, again, to explain about Sam and her sluttiness, and again, Wesley is having none of it. “It was fun.”

“I know, I know, now you had your little fling and now you can get back with Lesley and you can work it out, right?” She waxes hope, and smears a little on the window.

“We're not working it out. You think you know Wesley and Lesley?” Wesley calmly explains, “Let me tell you about Wesley and Lesley. Lesley is frigid. And before last night, Wesley hadn't gotten laid in two years.”

“Oh my god!” Charlotte is starting to get it.

“I mean, I was going out of my mind,” Wesley continues, “I've seen a pastor, I've seen a shrink, until I saw Samantha I didn't realize what I really needed. Sex.”

“So, my frenemy's terrible sexual perversion is a good thing?” (I'm summarizing)

“It was a friggin great thing. That Samantha. You've got a good friend there.”

Charlotte realizes the mess she's made with Samantha and how hurtful she was. She decides to bring over a very large wicker basket of muffins and ask for forgiveness.

Samantha is probably the most well-rounded and nicest person on the whole show. If one of my friends called me a whore, I probably wouldn't ever want to see them again. EVER.

But Sam forgives her friend, invites her in with a great bum slap and a hug, and now I have fun naughty thoughts to tide me over till DH gets home. :D

–

Miranda hasn't learned her lesson about family hour at the gym. She is escaping from that hellhole for the second time this episode.

She has learned her lesson about the elevator though:

“Oh, do you mind? My little shit stain loves to push the button.”

“Yeah? Well, so do I.”

bam.

–

Vaughn tries for one more romp in the sack, but is cut short. Not by himself this time, but Carrie who wants to talk about it.

He doesn't want to talk about it. He complains that he's been talking about sex since he was two.

(this isn't as creepy as it sounds really, his mother in another scene talks to Carrie about how she was always upfront and honest with her kids about sex, they knew the proper names for their parts. I concur with her. Knowing the name for his penis at the age of 2 is NOT talking about sex. Christ.)

Rather than breaking it off right then and there, they decide to go to his family's house again. This time isn't as great as the first. Vaughn is acting like an asshole, rampaging around looking for the cream cheese and getting in everyone's way with his attitude. Carrie decides she has had enough of his bullshit and leaves. Before she can go, Mom stops her in the hall, begging her to stay, saying that they can work through anything.

Carrie doesn't really want to get into the sex problems with his mother it is just too awkward, but Vaughn's mother assures Carrie that she knows all about his shortcomings after talking about it with his last girlfriend (creepy!). His mother then says one of the most stupidest lines in the whole goddamn show-- alienating long-term married folks to boot: “ 77% of marriages are sexless...”

Where the fuck did she even get that statistic??

I don't have even a morsel of a response to it, it is so stupid.

Carrie realizes that the person she actually has to break up with is his mother, and they have the mature break-up. Carrie assures Vaughn's mother that she'll keep in touch.

And we never see her again.

The end.

I really really like this episode. It is really enjoyable from start to finish. :nods:

Thanks for joining me! The next episode is just as fun, I think!